Team IP. I can commiserate.

For far too long, I was the people-pleasing DIL. MIL never offered words of encouragement or support and openly criticized every decision I have ever made, from my career trajectory, to becoming a SAHM, to returning to work on weekends, to resuming a career in an entirely new field, to having more than 2DC.

I stepped away and literally stopped calling, visiting or making any effort. ILs live nearby - we are in the same town.

Your in laws sound awesome. You suck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s a presidential system?

We found OP's inlaws!

A presidential system is what the US has, as compared to a parliamentary system like Canada has.

OP, just limit your exposure and that of your kids. Don't allow any unsupervised visits with the inlaws. I do feel badly for their ignorance, lack of education and addiction issues- but not badly enough to want to be exposed to it.

PS, leave the concern for MIL's finances to DH. It's his family and doesn't become you to fixate on that.

Now you’re just making things up. If Canada doesn’t have a president, who makes all the decisions?

Anonymous wrote:What’s a presidential system?

We found OP's inlaws!

A presidential system is what the US has, as compared to a parliamentary system like Canada has.

OP, just limit your exposure and that of your kids. Don't allow any unsupervised visits with the inlaws. I do feel badly for their ignorance, lack of education and addiction issues- but not badly enough to want to be exposed to it.

PS, leave the concern for MIL's finances to DH. It's his family and doesn't become you to fixate on that.

What’s a presidential system?

This sounds like you can easily avoid all these issues. If your husband is getting himself involved in them, tell him to leave you out of it. If it's stressing him out, it's ok to back off his interactions with them. There is nothing here that is directly targeted towards you or impacting you. Just pretend they don't exist.

Didn’t your husband tell you all of this when you were dating? Or he withheld it and/or doesn’t view it as a problem? Either way sounds like a husband problem to me.

Anonymous wrote:So you think less of people with minimal access to education and of people who have addiction problems. You sound like a snob.

Doesn’t everyone think less of people with addiction problems?

Relax people- the last paragraph is just context for how willfully ignorant they are. I had minimal access to education but I went to the library. I really did "pull myself up by my bootstraps" vs. these losers who don't try to make themselves better with the vast resources we have today. They can look things up on the internet for free. They can read the news for free. They can go to the library for free. They can practice highway driving with a friend. Granted passports are expensive, but they can save up and maybe do a road trip to Canada.

They are obviously only interested in stealing, being racist and ignortant and drinking.

Anonymous wrote:So you think less of people with minimal access to education and of people who have addiction problems. You sound like a snob.

Op has my complete sympathy. Her inlaws are rude and live in chaos. I would not be interested and would keep my family away. No one has to tolerate people with untreated substance abuse problems. Anyone stealing from the elderly deserve to be cut off. Vent away Op. I'm here for you. My inlaws are much like hers but mine spend a lot of time trying to cover it all up. They're alcoholics and grifters just the same.

I was with you until the last paragraph (which sounds horribly snobbish).

Be glad you don’t have to spend much time with them, I guess.

I don’t really like most of my ILs much either, but my advice is to find something about them that you DO like and focus on that. There is some good in (most) everyone, and something to learn from (most) everyone. When you do see them, focus on that.

Anonymous wrote:They don’t sound that terrible. Suck it up.

What about this isn't terrible?
- Drinking and driving with an open container on the road
- Spending MIL's money
- Gambling 20K of your spouse's funds
- Dropping the N word and racist jokes

So you think less of people with minimal access to education and of people who have addiction problems. You sound like a snob.

They don’t sound that terrible. Suck it up.

I need to get this off my chest. They all suck. DH's Dad died last year, and they were born of the "pick yourself up by the bootstrap" kind of conservatives and would say offensive, racially charged epithets that I will not repeat here. He was at my house once and made a racist joke with his Trump-loving brother-in-law, and I told them I do not tolerate any racist or offensive behavior in my home, and it made them feel uncomfortable around me ever since.

I married DH at 26, after meeting him at 24 and not spending much time with his family. I am now stuck with them for the rest of my life.

My BIL called my husband yesterday. He's a raging alcoholic and was drinking two beers on the road. He drank a six-pack before noon. My other BIL is also a drunk, heavy marijuana smoker, and gambled away 20K of my SIL's money that was meant to go to a home improvement project. My SIL is POA for my MIL, and she won't disclose to my husband about the state of my MIL's finances. I once saw MIL's bank statements after seeing charges for pizza joints, gas stations, and cash withdrawals (MIL does not like pizza or driving and lives in a nursing home), and I questioned their spending of finances. MIL's sister is getting involved to become POA, but everyone is hush-hush about it and afraid to confront SIL because she dissolves into a mess every time anyone questions her.

My SIL does not drive on the highway. My MIL/FIL never left the country, didn't have passports, and didn't read or watch the news. No one went to college. They believe Canada has a presidential system. I rarely see them, except on Thanksgiving and Christmas, and even then, it's brief and tight-lipped.

I'm just looking for commiseration if anyone else has terrible in-laws.