Recommend you post in special needs, as may get different answers.

I have 3 kids, all have ADHD, only one has problems making decisions. They all have problems accepting options I offer (like for breakfast or dinner) when they are ant something else, but they don’t necessarily have a problem choosing when I offer choices they are fine with.

The one who has problems making decisions for nearly everything has those problems because they have anxiety about making the “wrong” choice - and then regretting that choice. For example, that DC has a very hard time spending allowance money, not because they are a great saver but because they made an impulsive purchase like 2 years ago and still regret it.

For this DC, we practiced quick decision making, and then pointing out that they made a great choice, and that it wasn’t a big deal in the end. And we rewarded quick decision making - like if they can quickly pick a breakfast choice, I’ll put a treat in their lunchbox.

It’s helped DC understand that most of their choices will be fine, and that even when they do regret the choice, it’s not that bad and they can live with it.

The other thing I do is I make them plan the choices for the next day the day before, and we stick to it. My kids have problems with transitions (ADHD kids often do) and so asking them in the moment - especially when they are doing something fun - to switch to another activity will almost always result in a “no” even if they also like the second activity. I also remind them of the schedule for the day every morning so they can anticipate what is coming that day, and the order. I’m not otherwise a super-planner, but this is so helpful to my kids, so I do it.

Agree with give less choices overall.
My kid gets a choice of 3 things for breakfast, plus fruit that I choose based on what we have I know she likes.
Don’t listen to whining. If they choose no pool they need to live with tbat choice. They can regret their decision but doesn’t mean u need to listen to whining

Anonymous wrote:ADHD?

Honestly, we are exploring this. One child won’t accept just two choices — always considering option C even if we say it’s not an option. I am also questioning whether our gentle parenting is just not working and we need to be more authoritarian (I do really try to thread the needle of authoritative vs authoritarian but probably fail).
We have tried basically all the strategies above, so maybe this is a question for the special needs forum.

ADHD?

they are still little. give them fewer opportunities for choices. set a time for the pool and go. pick out clothes and breakfast the night before. and if they are still upset about missing out, say they can have the other thing at the next meal. practice with a choice or two a day.

Some have the 5 second rule when they meet my kids that also take forever to make choices. I just tell my kids to randomly pick one if they like all or don’t like any.

Give fewer choices. And give closed choices. "Do you want strawberries or blueberries right now?"

Remind them whichever one they don't pick today they can have tomorrow. And remind them the stakes are VERY low. "You know what happens if you pick strawberries over blueberries? Nothing. You just get strawberries and life goes on."

How do you respond?

I know families who are SO into validating feelings that the kids seem unable to move on. It’s almost like they’re feeding the fire and making the feelings deeper and take on more importance when they “oh man that IS a huge bummer honey, come here let me give you a hug, I know you’re SO disappointed!”

I’m all for validating feelings but then helping my kids move on.

Oh man, yeah it’s a bummer it’s too late to hit the pool, but we can go tomorrow!

And also—maybe you’re giving your kids too many choices? I know that’s the parenting trend now, and again, I’m all for it, but I think we are tipping the scales and taking it too far.

Kids lose their mind over a breakfast choice? Tomorrow everyone is having eggs and toast; take it or leave it.

6 and 8? let them be OP

Competitive games that require a lot of split second decision making.

My kids are awful at making decisions. They waffle, take forever, and then it seems like a majority of the time, they regret their choice and have a meltdown (well, the younger one anyway— 6 and 8yo)
Anyone else experience this? Any books or guidance on how to build better decision makers? This is everything from what to have for breakfast to whether to go to the pool. They will say they don’t want X (to go to the pool, for example) and then after it’s too late (dinner time, bedtime) feel like they missed out and whine that they should have gone.