No, but they can live in recovery.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they can. I've been sober for 33 years and I'm nothing like the person I was then. But it's extremely individual and depends entirely on the person. Addicts (myself included) tend to have extreme personalities; go all in, intense emotions, compulsive, etc. Also tend to be immature. Sometimes this changes, sometimes not. If you don't like that kind of personality, I would avoid. Sounds like a very kind thing he did for you. Get to know him as a friend and see if you like him, warts and all.

I’ve seen former addicts channel their personalities into other extremes and be very accomplished and successful. Not necessarily healthier. Think ultra marathons, workaholics.

Yes, but only if the recovering addict is careful not to let their addictive personality cling to a new vice. That's why therapy is so important.

For example, a friend got gastric bypass surgery without really dealing with her underlying food addiction issue. She did the required therapy to get the surgery, but didn't do any of the therapeutical work or any therapy after the surgery. She transferred her food addiction to alcohol and became an alcoholic. I haven't seen her in a few years, but I've heard from other friends she's still drinking very heavily.

A relative got sober from both weed and alcohol and transferred his addiction to exercise. He does all kinds of marathons, iron mans, and ultramarathons. I'm worried about what will happen as he ages and he's not able to maintain this addiction. He doesn't see it as an addiction, tho, just like he didn't see his dependence on weed and alcohol as addictions.

Yes but some addicts don't.

My brother has been in and out of rehab for 30 years. I don't know why it never quite works. He wants to change, but when life gets hard (and it always does) he relapses. And not little relapses. Some addicts are just like this. I don't know why as I am not an addict.

I would consider dating someone who had been sober for a really long time (like 10+ years and really stayed on top of it, in therapy, taking care of themselves, lots of tools in their toolkit to deal with adversity) after dating for a long time and building trust. But it would take a lot. One thing I know from having a loved one with addiction is that addicts lie, including to themselves. So it would take a LOT to get over that hurdle.

I don't mean to discourage anyone in recovery. I see you and I believe you. Good work. I just know how hard it is and not everyone does it.

Frankly I think everyone could use some 12 step work. My ex is not in any program, walking around out there with no tools for living. Initially presents as a calm, reasonable, thoughtful person. I think it all comes down to how much you know about yourself, and what you value in another person. There are people with long term sobriety who don't have great sobriety. There are people with far less time who have done and continue to do a lot of work. I guess I'm saying any relationship is a gamble. I would steer clear of someone who has a history of relapsing but otherwise, sure. If you didn't know he was an addict would you know he was an addict?

Drugs, maybe. Sex, no.

Of course they can. Sounds like he is putting in the work.

lol NO you sweet summer child.

Haven't seen it.. No.

Not in my experience.

Yes, of course. You just have to be vigilant to take care of your mental health, but many people who once abused drugs, alcohol etc continue to live productive lives in recovery

Maybe, but it would be a challenge.

Your friend has an addictive personality.

Yes, they can. I've been sober for 33 years and I'm nothing like the person I was then. But it's extremely individual and depends entirely on the person. Addicts (myself included) tend to have extreme personalities; go all in, intense emotions, compulsive, etc. Also tend to be immature. Sometimes this changes, sometimes not. If you don't like that kind of personality, I would avoid. Sounds like a very kind thing he did for you. Get to know him as a friend and see if you like him, warts and all.

How many years has he been in recovery? How old is he?

But yes, addicts can remain in recovery for years. My grandma was forty five years sober when she died at age 88. How my family treated her in year one was not how we treated her in year 44.

I have a work colleague (same industry, different companies) who is also one of my best friends. He’s always been there for me and helps me out anytime I need it.

I never considered him a romantic partner because he’s an addict (both drugs and sex). He’s been sober for years and sees a therapist to help with the sex addiction. He’s very open about it and I can tell has put in a TON of work to improve.

The other day I called him about a work problem and started to have a panic attack. He calmed me down, got me breathing, and we worked through the panic attack and the problem.

I’ve never had a man who did that before - who would literally sit there with me for 15 minutes walking me through breathing exercises - the small handful of times I did have a panic attack around a man they’d get uncomfortable and leave or give me a few awkward pats on the back.

I know this guy has been interested in me for some time and this is the first time I’ve really seen him as a potential partner. But, the addiction thing really scares me. I don’t think he would do drugs ever again, but the sex addiction seems like it could cause huge problems. But I also recognize he is very serious about fixing it.

Can addicts ever really change?