Is he fine with minimal social interaction? If he is fine with what he has, then let it be.

Anonymous wrote:I have a number friends- go on multiple girls trips a year, go to probably 20 birthday dinners for friends, we travel with 6-7 families a year on various trips. He has none. It really bothered me he put no effort into sustaining relationships with anyone. He talks to his brother who is 18 months apart maybe 1x a year. They don’t have much of a relationship although he would say he’s close with him. It’s a huge turn off for me.

To be fair, traveling with 6-7 families a year plus having my spouse go on several separate friend trips a year sounds like hell and would be a turnoff for me. Maybe you guys just have a values conflict.

Anonymous wrote:It's normal to get out what you put in. That's what he's experiencing.

+1

I think this is pretty common. My DH is social and makes friends and acquaintances easily if he wants, but doesn’t really pursue friendships at this life stage. He is happy socializing with colleagues when the situation arises, chatting with the other dads at kid sports, having a beer at the bar with guys at the golf course when he goes etc- but doesn’t really hang out with or even keep in touch with any of those people other than situationally.

He is tight with his group of friends from grad school (all live in various places around the country) but it looks different than it looks for female friendships. They have an ongoing text group with jokes and work type of questions and do a trip together about once/yr. They don’t really talk beyond that and just seem to pick up where they left off.

Very common. Yes, normal.

Normal for my introverted husband. I learned long ago to get my introverted needs met elsewhere. I have several groups of women I get together with regularly, and we do some things together as couples with couples friends that I've made. Spouse has no need - he'd be happy putzing in the garden, playing the guitar, doing stuff around the house and napping. I make our social life happen

It's normal to get out what you put in. That's what he's experiencing.

Nope. Not normal.
Encourage him to seek out his own friends in whatever hobbies/activities/work circles he’s a part of.

I have a number friends- go on multiple girls trips a year, go to probably 20 birthday dinners for friends, we travel with 6-7 families a year on various trips. He has none. It really bothered me he put no effort into sustaining relationships with anyone. He talks to his brother who is 18 months apart maybe 1x a year. They don’t have much of a relationship although he would say he’s close with him. It’s a huge turn off for me.

We’ve been married a long time and together since college. When we first met, DH had friends from high school and college and was close with his siblings. He was in an ultra competitive career field for the first 20-something years of our relationship—working long hours, traveling a lot and keeping all of his emotions and stress bottled up. We
moved often for his career. He socialized some with folks from work but did not maintain old friendships. He changed careers to a much less demanding/competitive field and we moved to a location we plan to stay about 5 years ago.

He has no close friends and does not interact with his siblings very often. He relies on me for almost all of his social-emotional needs, which sometimes feels overwhelming. We do things with my friends and their spouses, but he doesn’t really engage.

Is this normal? Are most middle aged men relying on work acquaintances and their spouses for all social interaction? How can I talk to him about this without making him feel bad?