Woman here, that hasnt been my experience at all. My 2 cents:

1- She needs to do a better job of vetting men before she goes out on dates. Get to know them a bit first before agreeing to meet. Make it a little harder for them to get your precious time. The ones who arent interested in even a phone call before a date will see themselves to the door.

2- Along those lines, the men who discuss sex within the first few messages are saying who they are loud and clear. Dont entertain them.

3- Is she only going for super hot men? Slick dudes? Dudes super into appearance (yeH, yeah, I know its Miami). Imho you can tell by a mans profile pics/profile content what he is looking for.

Is it the norm? Probably

But she deserves better than the norm, use it as a weed out tool.

As a newly divorced man in his 50s, I ll say she is better off with a much younger man since she is only 50. A lot of divorced men in their 50s such as myself are often squeezed to the max financially between alimony child support and college tuition expenses etc.

I think she will have a better experience is she stays in the bracket 35-45.

To answer your question since I really can't offer a woman who is seeking a serious relationship anything given how squeezed I am financially and also being an executive in my mid 50s, I just date casually and expect sex as soon as possible. And I am upfront about it, I won't lie to any woman. Sure I make $425k, but I have 3 kids in college and ex-wife to support. So relationship is just not reasonable.

A…dating coach?

Anonymous wrote:

She’s being told that the getting to know you activities on dates don’t matter to men over 50. They prefer first date sex and if it’s a good experience, they’ll invest time in a second date.

Single man over 50 here - not true at all. The first several dates (for me anyway) are all about getting to know her. I have no expectation of sex on the first date.

That’s a relief. Are you ever in Miami? Do you date women of color? I’m half joking. I feel so bad for her.

Anonymous wrote:If she’s only doing OLD then it’s not that surprising.

Okay. Thank you. That makes sense. She’s not on a hook up app, but I guess they are all hook up apps if someone wants to use them that way.

Anonymous wrote:Sex is the most important part of the human experience, so getting to know whether you are compatible there is critical. That said, some level of trust is important, so it depends on the interactions prior to the first date.

I don’t think she’s investing a lot of time chatting or texting before the first date. I know she goes dancing a lot for first dates.

If she’s only doing OLD then it’s not that surprising.

She’s being told that the getting to know you activities on dates don’t matter to men over 50. They prefer first date sex and if it’s a good experience, they’ll invest time in a second date.

Single man over 50 here - not true at all. The first several dates (for me anyway) are all about getting to know her. I have no expectation of sex on the first date.

Anonymous wrote:It seems really weird to have a dating coach and to get feedback from dates. Who even has a dating coach? Are these striver or self improvement type people?

I'm a 50 year old guy and think that having sex on the first date is certainly not expected. Most middle aged guys are probably more patient than younger guys in that regard.

She hadn’t dated since 1990 and a coworker recommended the coach. The coach doesn’t make matches.

I’m glad to hear that isn’t a widespread expectation.

Do you have a sense of how she can weed out those guys before being told she wasted their time? I told her to do more coffee dates. She is in Miami if that helps.

Sex is the most important part of the human experience, so getting to know whether you are compatible there is critical. That said, some level of trust is important, so it depends on the interactions prior to the first date.

Anonymous wrote:Saying men prefer first date sex sounds like a truism. Are you really saying your “friend” who is supposedly so amazing doesn’t get a second date because she’s not having sex on the first date?

Not my friend, my cousin.

And not all men. Just those over 50.

This is what she says she was told by a few men that she felt chemistry with and her dating coach.

It seems really weird to have a dating coach and to get feedback from dates. Who even has a dating coach? Are these striver or self improvement type people?

I'm a 50 year old guy and think that having sex on the first date is certainly not expected. Most middle aged guys are probably more patient than younger guys in that regard.

Saying men prefer first date sex sounds like a truism. Are you really saying your “friend” who is supposedly so amazing doesn’t get a second date because she’s not having sex on the first date?

I’m happily (re)married so I haven’t dated in well over a decade, but my cousin is newly divorced and very confounded by feedback she’s gotten as she ventures “out there”.

She’s an attractive 50 year old who looks younger, is fit, and dresses fashionably without being ridiculous. She’s well-educated, well-travelled, and successful in her career. She has pretty standard hobbies and interests.

She has one adult child in the military who hasn’t lived at home since he left for boot camp five years ago. And one very chill medium sized dog.

There’s no drama with her ex. He was wanted to live in his native country after their son left the nest. She did not. The pandemic kept them apart for over a year. After trying to revive things long distance for a few years, they amicably separated. She never bad mouths him. He doesn’t pay alimony or anything.

She expects to split the expenses of dating.

I say all this to explain that I am also confused by the feedback she is getting from both dates and a dating coach. She’s being told that the getting to know you activities on dates don’t matter to men over 50. They prefer first date sex and if it’s a good experience, they’ll invest time in a second date.

If this is true, it seems like a considerable acceleration from the third date norm when I was last dating. I asked DH about his few single friends’ expectations. He said expecting and getting are two different things and most of them are smart enough to not write off a good woman simply because she didn’t sleep with them on the first date. My single brother said that the dynamics are weird where he lives because older single men considerably outnumber older single women.

If you are dating, is it really like that?