Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your title is misleading. The new wife didn't "name the dog" after the daughter. The dog arrived already named and trained with that name. I think it is cute.

My aunt got a rescue cat that was already named with my name when I was in high school. I didn't care and nobody thought it was weird. Some people really go out of their way to be offended, I think.

Yep, this is key. It might be inappropriate to name the dog after a child in the home, but that's not what happened.

Title is totally misleading. The new wife didn’t name the dog after the daughter. The dog already had the same name.

I could see why it would be annoying to the ex wife. She doesn’t live in the house. I don’t think she has the right to demand that a dog get renamed.

Id love an animal with my name. Who’s more beloved than the family dog?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it were the same name as a family member in that home (the new wife, one of the new kids), they would change the name of the dog.

I get that it was trained on the name. But young dogs can switch up easily. It’s not a big deal for them. And again, if it happened to come with the name Shiela, and the new wife is Shiela, guess what they would do… change the name.

I think it is disrespectful. There are many names where I don’t personally know a single person. A new baby in our life, Turner, is the only one I’ve ever met. I don’t personally know any: Jeff, Cory, Chandler, Beatrice, Shiela, or Trina. I could keep going.

Choose a name for your dog that you don’t know anyone with the name. Pet names are good for this, Snickers, Rambo, Sweetie, Barky McBarkface.

The bolded is the key point. I am not surprised in the Prudence response because there is a very dominant philosophy in our culture that being mentally healthy means never being bothered. You see it a lot on DCUM but it's everywhere, and there's this idea that if you are upset or offended about any non-criminal behavior, then you need to "learn to chill" or whatever.

I increasingly think this is a toxic attitude that just encourages a lot of passive aggressive behavior, protects people who are rude and unkind, and gaslights people who get treated poorly by their family and friends.

Anyway, yes, the letter writer was right to be bothered, the ex and his wife should have changed the name, and Prudence was overly harsh even though I do in fact hate when people describe a woman having a baby as "whelping" because yes, that's misogynist. But that doesn't mean LW is wrong about the dog.

+1 I was going to comment to say that the letter writer was being hysterical but the point made by the PP changed my mind. Just because the letter writer is obviously angry over her divorce and jealous of the new wife doesn't mean she isn't correct that the dog's name is disrespectful to her daughter.

Dogs can be easily renamed. But OP’s post title is misleading. The new wife didn’t name the dog after the stepdaughter, the name is a coincidence. Looks like the letter writer is still salty about the divorce, which is the real reason for the hissy fit.

No..but ok

I would not care. I can give family a cute nickname to call me, and the dog can have the name.

Anonymous wrote:I think your title is misleading. The new wife didn't "name the dog" after the daughter. The dog arrived already named and trained with that name. I think it is cute.

My aunt got a rescue cat that was already named with my name when I was in high school. I didn't care and nobody thought it was weird. Some people really go out of their way to be offended, I think.

Yep, this is key. It might be inappropriate to name the dog after a child in the home, but that's not what happened.

So she's adopting a dog already named Katie. I don't see a problem. She didn't name it, her brother did before she took ownership of the dog. But, also Katie is a stupid name for a dog.

Anonymous wrote:If it were the same name as a family member in that home (the new wife, one of the new kids), they would change the name of the dog.

I get that it was trained on the name. But young dogs can switch up easily. It’s not a big deal for them. And again, if it happened to come with the name Shiela, and the new wife is Shiela, guess what they would do… change the name.

I think it is disrespectful. There are many names where I don’t personally know a single person. A new baby in our life, Turner, is the only one I’ve ever met. I don’t personally know any: Jeff, Cory, Chandler, Beatrice, Shiela, or Trina. I could keep going.

Choose a name for your dog that you don’t know anyone with the name. Pet names are good for this, Snickers, Rambo, Sweetie, Barky McBarkface.

The bolded is the key point. I am not surprised in the Prudence response because there is a very dominant philosophy in our culture that being mentally healthy means never being bothered. You see it a lot on DCUM but it's everywhere, and there's this idea that if you are upset or offended about any non-criminal behavior, then you need to "learn to chill" or whatever.

I increasingly think this is a toxic attitude that just encourages a lot of passive aggressive behavior, protects people who are rude and unkind, and gaslights people who get treated poorly by their family and friends.

Anyway, yes, the letter writer was right to be bothered, the ex and his wife should have changed the name, and Prudence was overly harsh even though I do in fact hate when people describe a woman having a baby as "whelping" because yes, that's misogynist. But that doesn't mean LW is wrong about the dog.

Anonymous wrote:I think your title is misleading. The new wife didn't "name the dog" after the daughter. The dog arrived already named and trained with that name. I think it is cute.

My aunt got a rescue cat that was already named with my name when I was in high school. I didn't care and nobody thought it was weird. Some people really go out of their way to be offended, I think.

OP - you're right, my apologies. I misread.

I don't think it's okay to have a pet named the same name as another member of the family. If the line is drawn because the daughter doesn't live there full time then I think that's also problematic because it insinuates that she is not a full fledged family member.

Aside from the emotional argument, I think it will lead to a lot of confusion. Calling to the dog will lead to "oh not you, Katy! I meant KatIE."

and honestly, if I were the girl, it would break my heart if my dad and sibs first thoughts on hearing the name Katie were toward the dog and not me.

There are easily googleable articles about how to change a dog's name. If for some reason those methods don't work then I think they should change the name to something similar enough sounding that the dog will probably get it. Off the top of my head there's. Sadie, Lady, Amy. Gosh, even *Casey* (which is still super close to Katy) would be better than using his daughter's exact name.

I think your title is misleading. The new wife didn't "name the dog" after the daughter. The dog arrived already named and trained with that name. I think it is cute.

My aunt got a rescue cat that was already named with my name when I was in high school. I didn't care and nobody thought it was weird. Some people really go out of their way to be offended, I think.

If it were the same name as a family member in that home (the new wife, one of the new kids), they would change the name of the dog.

I get that it was trained on the name. But young dogs can switch up easily. It’s not a big deal for them. And again, if it happened to come with the name Shiela, and the new wife is Shiela, guess what they would do… change the name.

I think it is disrespectful. There are many names where I don’t personally know a single person. A new baby in our life, Turner, is the only one I’ve ever met. I don’t personally know any: Jeff, Cory, Chandler, Beatrice, Shiela, or Trina. I could keep going.

Choose a name for your dog that you don’t know anyone with the name. Pet names are good for this, Snickers, Rambo, Sweetie, Barky McBarkface.

How old is Katy the daughter? If she's an older kid like 13+ it would be ok because it sounds like she's down with it. But if she's a younger child it sounds abusive and evil step mother

So I'm reading an old Slate.com's advice column called "Dear Prudence." The Slate reader has a daughter with her ex-husband. The ex-husband's new wife wants to name their new dog after their daughter "Katy," which enraged the Slate reader.

She has some bitter words for the new wife, pointing out that she "whelped" out three kids with her ex within a short time span, and then she writes that the new wife is trying to replace her daughter with a dog. She writes: "The wife’s brother got a dog named Katie and decided he couldn’t keep it. She took all the kids over to play with the dog and then told them Katie was going to be theirs. My daughter excitedly told me all this, and all I could do was ask if they were going to rename the dog. My daughter told me Katie was her name, and I corrected her: Katy was her name. I called my ex to tell him they needed to rename the dog. He told me the dog was trained to respond to Katie and didn’t see what the big deal was. I told him that his wife bringing a dog into the house with the same name as his daughter was disrespectful. He told me this wasn’t something I had a say in. I texted his wife, and she responded with “I respect you, but I stand with my husband here, and Katy was happy when she played with Katie.” I am steaming here, and I don’t know what to do. I can’t afford to go to court or counseling again. Help."

Prudence has a harsh response for mom, calling out the misogynistic language she used, like the word "whelped," and saying that this is not a big deal. I found the response too harsh, and actually find mom's concerns valid. Is she blowing things out of proportion or do you find her justified?

Here's the link to the full letter: https://slate.com/human-interest/2019/10/dear-prudence-ex-adopted-dog-same-name-daughter.html