We've recently moved into the world of drop of playdates with families we don't really know - oldest is 5.5, he's been making new friends at camp and was invited over to play last weekend.

How do people handle this generally? It's not guns that worry me as much as creepy/crappy parents, but it's really hard to know/judge. I ended up staying for about 30 mins and chatting until both my kid and I felt comfortable, then I left. I don't think I'm comfortable just dropping my kid off at someone's house who's parent I've never met (we had just exchanged numbers via notes in backpacks from camp) so that felt like a reasonable middle ground. Interested to hear from other folks about how you handle this and how you feel about it.

My other concern is actually unsupervised screens. Like, I do not want my kid alone in a room with his friend and an iPad. Is that something to ask about? Will parents be honest? How best to phrase?

Would love some wisdom from parents of older kids who have been through this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can ask anything you feel concerned about, just to be polite and let the host know you and your child’s nervous and no offense. I didn’t let mine do sleep over and glad I made the right decision, since I later heard the host invited a lot of friends/relatives and they all stayed, filled each room floor. It’s just too concerning if you don’t know anything in advance.

Absolutely NO: adult or teen males, and no guns (real or toy ones).

Wow, everyone is entitled to do it how they wanna do it but wow.

I asked a friend whose husband is a cop. She gave me a satisfactory response so I sent my kid off after giving her a talk about what to do if a gun was in the room with her. That mom told me I was the first person to ever ask her. We’re still friends.

My kid doesn’t stay there if your house isn’t protected. I would never ask though because if I don’t already know the answer then we aren’t good enough friends for me to trust you with my child so it’s an instant no.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t consider a sleepover with a family I don’t already know the answers to the questions I would ask.

But the person who is most likely to molest your daughter or son is someone known to them or the family.

The best rule to follow is: no adult males or teen / tween males allowed in the sleepover house overnight. Period.

So only at the homes of single moms?

I assume you either have a girl or you make an exception for the host child if you have a boy.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t consider a sleepover with a family I don’t already know the answers to the questions I would ask.

But the person who is most likely to molest your daughter or son is someone known to them or the family.

The best rule to follow is: no adult males or teen / tween males allowed in the sleepover house overnight. Period.

Ummm if you have to ask about guns BEFORE A SLEEPOVER DO NOT DO IT.

I wouldn’t consider a sleepover with a family I don’t already know the answers to the questions I would ask.

Anonymous wrote:You can ask anything you feel concerned about, just to be polite and let the host know you and your child’s nervous and no offense. I didn’t let mine do sleep over and glad I made the right decision, since I later heard the host invited a lot of friends/relatives and they all stayed, filled each room floor. It’s just too concerning if you don’t know anything in advance.

Absolutely NO: adult or teen males, and no guns (real or toy ones).

I have been asked to show how my guns are secured and that was a non starter (gun case in DH's closet in our master bedroom).

I really think the gun questions are dumb. If someone doesn't have their guns secured, they're just going to lie. Teach your kids how to handle a gun and what to say/do if their friend picks one up.

We have guns and no one ever asks. They are locked up and the kids don't event know where the safe is.

Anonymous wrote:Does everyone ask if there are guns in the house before agreeing to let your kids go over to a house first the first time?

Also, i have read more about parents who don't let their kids sleep overs beyond family. Should "are there any adult males in the house besides your husband" be added? Information is powerful

I think "Who will be in the home tonight?" makes more sense than asking specifically about adult males.

You can ask anything you feel concerned about, just to be polite and let the host know you and your child’s nervous and no offense. I didn’t let mine do sleep over and glad I made the right decision, since I later heard the host invited a lot of friends/relatives and they all stayed, filled each room floor. It’s just too concerning if you don’t know anything in advance.

If you ask about guns (I did when my kids were little), I would advise you to say your pediatrician told you to ask this question. Some people get defensive about it.

Does everyone ask if there are guns in the house before agreeing to let your kids go over to a house first the first time?

Also, i have read more about parents who don't let their kids sleep overs beyond family. Should "are there any adult males in the house besides your husband" be added? Information is powerful