I do investigations into HR complaints. I probably sustain the complaint about a third of the time.

Is it just one person that is making the decision to hold you back? Your task will be much harder if there are multiple decision makers and they zll are picking people other than you.

If I were you, my first step would be to set a meeting with the decision makers. Then say something like “Bob, I really enjoy my job here and would very much like to move up to the role of Senior Managing Widgetmaker. I’ve noticed that my scores on the whatever are consistently the highest in the group. And yet the last two promotional tones, mark and bob were selected rather than me. Can you let me know where I need further development to be your top choice next time?” Or something like that. Then see what he says. It may be as simple as they’ve got no re time on the job and they value that. Or maybe they’ve received complaints about your demeanor from coworkers and you need to work on your management skills. Or maybe they have some certification you don’t have. You don’t know until you ask.

Once you get the answer, reassess. With a big company, it may be that they will yank a manager that they conclude is sexist. I’ve seen it happen more than once (and sometimes there’s an upper level woman that will say “yup, that tracks with me experience.”). But you need to kind of read the room and assess whether that’s realistic. Are you the only woman that’s had an issue with him?

Anonymous wrote:If you bring this up, your future at this company is basically over. Keep that in mind too.

Sadly this

Even if your experience is true, you will not be supported by the company. Unless you’re trying to establish documentation for a lawsuit, nothing good will come out of a conversation with HR.

In the alternative, use your accomplishments as leverage to find a better job elsewhere. You'll have the uncertainties associated with changing employers, but you'll avoid the inevitable professional stigma which will attach to you if you complain about discrimination at your current employer. In practical terms it rarely pays to complain about discrimination - unless overt, the employer will have a different perspective about why you're not being rewarded the way you think you should be, and your employer's vote counts for more than yours in that respect.

It's not uncommon for people to change employers in order to get ahead. If you're the star you think you are, you should be able to find another employer who will offer you better compensation and perhaps a better title in return for what you can do for them.

If you bring this up, your future at this company is basically over. Keep that in mind too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP this is VERY important to understand - HR is not there to protect employees, it is there to protect the employer.

I’d also reflect on - How do you know you are a star performer? What evidence do you have from the past 12 months you are in the top 5% of your peers for performance? Is that impact aligned with what you need to do at the next level?

It sounds like you were a high performer and stalled out at your current level but because they like you they aren’t giving you the harsh feedback you need to improve. Also star performance looks VERY different at different levels. Consulting is a good example - you see a ton of Managers not make Senior Manager because the emphasis shifts from “do good work and manage good work” to “sell work”

OP here. I know that I am a star performer because they measure all managers and send out reports annually. You are graded by customers and internally. I have in fact had the highest ranking 3 times.

3 times out of how many? it doesn't mean anything unless you give better context.

Anonymous wrote:If you choose this route, I would not go in loaded for bear about discrimination.

I would ask what you need to do to get promoted. Perhaps there is another skill you are missing or something about you is off-putting.

Lol she's been there for maybe 3 years and wants to be CEO ahead of a number of people. Yeah I can't imagine what's off putting.

Anonymous wrote:If you choose this route, I would not go in loaded for bear about discrimination.

I would ask what you need to do to get promoted. Perhaps there is another skill you are missing or something about you is off-putting.

Great advice. Assume the best, then identify other options to escalate if the evidence points to something more nefarious.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP this is VERY important to understand - HR is not there to protect employees, it is there to protect the employer.

I’d also reflect on - How do you know you are a star performer? What evidence do you have from the past 12 months you are in the top 5% of your peers for performance? Is that impact aligned with what you need to do at the next level?

It sounds like you were a high performer and stalled out at your current level but because they like you they aren’t giving you the harsh feedback you need to improve. Also star performance looks VERY different at different levels. Consulting is a good example - you see a ton of Managers not make Senior Manager because the emphasis shifts from “do good work and manage good work” to “sell work”

OP here. I know that I am a star performer because they measure all managers and send out reports annually. You are graded by customers and internally. I have in fact had the highest ranking 3 times.

Awesome. Next step - are you performing at the next level and have you been for 6-12 months consistently? Note that can look VERY different from your current performance expectations where you are exceeding expectations and in the top percentile. This is where a lot of people get tripped up. Have you asked for and received clear performing at the next level / promotion expectations?

If the answer to all of that is yes, then it could be discrimination - but that’s very hard, and very messy to prove, because most of it is relatively subconscious in cases like this (hence all the preventing bias trainings we do) or worse and more malicious, strategically ambiguous (so it’s intentional but done in a way there’s no smoking gun, which means you could look like you’re making a false accusation).

If I were you I’d find another job - even if you prove it’s discrimination, retaliation is a possibility (I know it’s not allowed but I’ve been around the block and seen it more than I haven’t in cases like this).

How big is your company?

Anonymous wrote:OP this is VERY important to understand - HR is not there to protect employees, it is there to protect the employer.

I’d also reflect on - How do you know you are a star performer? What evidence do you have from the past 12 months you are in the top 5% of your peers for performance? Is that impact aligned with what you need to do at the next level?

It sounds like you were a high performer and stalled out at your current level but because they like you they aren’t giving you the harsh feedback you need to improve. Also star performance looks VERY different at different levels. Consulting is a good example - you see a ton of Managers not make Senior Manager because the emphasis shifts from “do good work and manage good work” to “sell work”

OP here. I know that I am a star performer because they measure all managers and send out reports annually. You are graded by customers and internally. I have in fact had the highest ranking 3 times.

OP this is VERY important to understand - HR is not there to protect employees, it is there to protect the employer.

I’d also reflect on - How do you know you are a star performer? What evidence do you have from the past 12 months you are in the top 5% of your peers for performance? Is that impact aligned with what you need to do at the next level?

It sounds like you were a high performer and stalled out at your current level but because they like you they aren’t giving you the harsh feedback you need to improve. Also star performance looks VERY different at different levels. Consulting is a good example - you see a ton of Managers not make Senior Manager because the emphasis shifts from “do good work and manage good work” to “sell work”

Better to butter up head of hr and ask her to be your mentor.

There is no such thing as an off-line conversation with HR. If you bring it to them, they are obligated to document it. They are not going to put their job on the line in order to allow you to talk off the record. You might want to consult unemployment lawyer, and have her review all the facts and see whether they agree there might be something going on.

PP gave you good advice about framing it as how to get promoted, without bringing up discrimination.

If you choose this route, I would not go in loaded for bear about discrimination.

I would ask what you need to do to get promoted. Perhaps there is another skill you are missing or something about you is off-putting.

I work for a company of 200 people, that I’ve been with for several years. I’m a star performer. As I try to move up the ranks I’m realizing that I’m experiencing discrimination. Men are being given my assignments, botching them, and getting promoted. The head of HR is a woman who may possibly be sympathetic. Would you have an offline convo on this?