Anonymous
Post 07/15/2025 13:29     Subject: mom called from nursing home--asking to come come
I’m sorry, op. I’m navigating the same thing. It’s so hard.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2025 13:27     Subject: mom called from nursing home--asking to come come
Block her calls for a bit, using DND.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2025 10:40     Subject: mom called from nursing home--asking to come come
Anonymous wrote:OP it is all so hard! At risk of doing the trauma Olympics I will share what my mom does. I am not competing for sympathy, but instead commiserating. I sometimes feel like the character Kate McKinnon used to play on SNL when people shared alien encounter stories. Mine are not as tame as yours and even my therapist's eyes bugged out. My mom's communications are to tell me I am a selfish, bitter, nasty human being who abandoned her and deserves to rot or be murdered and having children is just the ultimate disappointment. Going the emotional stabbing route seems to give her a little glimmer of excitement. She does not appreciate it if I respond with humor and say "Happy holidays to you too mom", but that makes me giggle so, gotta survive.


My mom was like this for my entire life. That's why dementia was so easily dismissed. Ugh
Anonymous
Post 07/13/2025 09:17     Subject: mom called from nursing home--asking to come come
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP it is all so hard! At risk of doing the trauma Olympics I will share what my mom does. I am not competing for sympathy, but instead commiserating. I sometimes feel like the character Kate McKinnon used to play on SNL when people shared alien encounter stories. Mine are not as tame as yours and even my therapist's eyes bugged out. My mom's communications are to tell me I am a selfish, bitter, nasty human being who abandoned her and deserves to rot or be murdered and having children is just the ultimate disappointment. Going the emotional stabbing route seems to give her a little glimmer of excitement. She does not appreciate it if I respond with humor and say "Happy holidays to you too mom", but that makes me giggle so, gotta survive.


I don’t want to hijack the OP’s post but wanted to tell you that my mom was like that for about two years- she would scream at me, ball her fists or (my favorite) call me a witch who wanted to kill her. I literally used to call myself her dumpster because she’d just wait until I was around and dump on me while being perfectly pleasant with everyone else. I’d bet if I searched this forum I could find old posts from me from that timeframe. It was the worst two years of my life.

It all changed when I moved her to memory care and she learned the routine. Looking back I think it was just one stage of this horrible disease- where they are just awful to the person closest to them. My mom has been in memory care for 1.5 years and has been happy as can be (or just extremely oblivious to the universe). Hang in there, I’d bet things smooth out at some point as the disease progresses.


I am the person you are responding to, and I want to thank you so much for taking the time to post this. My mom is much nicer to everyone else unless her routine changes too much in which case they might get a taste of the dark side. Your post made me feel less alone and gave me some hope (though this has been going on longer than 2 years). I am very happy to hear your mom calmed down in Memory care and is actually happy as can be.
Anonymous
Post 07/13/2025 07:20     Subject: mom called from nursing home--asking to come come
Anonymous wrote:OP it is all so hard! At risk of doing the trauma Olympics I will share what my mom does. I am not competing for sympathy, but instead commiserating. I sometimes feel like the character Kate McKinnon used to play on SNL when people shared alien encounter stories. Mine are not as tame as yours and even my therapist's eyes bugged out. My mom's communications are to tell me I am a selfish, bitter, nasty human being who abandoned her and deserves to rot or be murdered and having children is just the ultimate disappointment. Going the emotional stabbing route seems to give her a little glimmer of excitement. She does not appreciate it if I respond with humor and say "Happy holidays to you too mom", but that makes me giggle so, gotta survive.


I don’t want to hijack the OP’s post but wanted to tell you that my mom was like that for about two years- she would scream at me, ball her fists or (my favorite) call me a witch who wanted to kill her. I literally used to call myself her dumpster because she’d just wait until I was around and dump on me while being perfectly pleasant with everyone else. I’d bet if I searched this forum I could find old posts from me from that timeframe. It was the worst two years of my life.

It all changed when I moved her to memory care and she learned the routine. Looking back I think it was just one stage of this horrible disease- where they are just awful to the person closest to them. My mom has been in memory care for 1.5 years and has been happy as can be (or just extremely oblivious to the universe). Hang in there, I’d bet things smooth out at some point as the disease progresses.
Anonymous
Post 07/12/2025 22:56     Subject: mom called from nursing home--asking to come come
OP it is all so hard! At risk of doing the trauma Olympics I will share what my mom does. I am not competing for sympathy, but instead commiserating. I sometimes feel like the character Kate McKinnon used to play on SNL when people shared alien encounter stories. Mine are not as tame as yours and even my therapist's eyes bugged out. My mom's communications are to tell me I am a selfish, bitter, nasty human being who abandoned her and deserves to rot or be murdered and having children is just the ultimate disappointment. Going the emotional stabbing route seems to give her a little glimmer of excitement. She does not appreciate it if I respond with humor and say "Happy holidays to you too mom", but that makes me giggle so, gotta survive.
Anonymous
Post 07/12/2025 11:28     Subject: Re:mom called from nursing home--asking to come come
Sending you a big hug, OP. It was the same with my mom. So, so hard.
Anonymous
Post 07/12/2025 10:27     Subject: mom called from nursing home--asking to come come
Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry OP. Silver lining is that I’m sure she’ll forget all about the request and the call. I think this disease traumatizes us way more than it does them.


We say this all the time. My dad is actually pretty happy in his dementia. Or at least generally satisfied. That could change any moment, so I don't want to tempt fate, but the rest of us are an emotional wreck and he's just humming happily to himself in the kitchen as he shreds paper towels into piles of fluff.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2025 20:51     Subject: mom called from nursing home--asking to come come
You did fine. It sucks.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2025 20:50     Subject: mom called from nursing home--asking to come come
I’m so sorry OP. Silver lining is that I’m sure she’ll forget all about the request and the call. I think this disease traumatizes us way more than it does them.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2025 18:51     Subject: mom called from nursing home--asking to come come
I'm sorry, OP. It's really hard, every time
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2025 18:08     Subject: mom called from nursing home--asking to come come
I'm sorry, OP. It's very hard.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2025 17:58     Subject: mom called from nursing home--asking to come come
Come come on the base drum?
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2025 17:57     Subject: Re:mom called from nursing home--asking to come come
Oof, I feel for you. But you did the right thing.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2025 15:44     Subject: mom called from nursing home--asking to come come
She has dementia, is in memory care and is very delusional. called me today (with the help of a nurse) asking me to pick her up. I just said I'll be there later--knowing good and well that I will not.

I hate this.