Anonymous wrote:My DS with high-functioning autism (18) recently graduated from high school and is planning to head to community college. Im happy how he decided to move on, but I was wondering if I should take any caution or support for my son. He mostly has a lack of social communication, poor eye contact, and a lot of fixations.

Are there any experiences with parents with autistic children who are also above the age of 18 or are in college right now? It seems like this forum doesn’t feature a lot of adults with special needs.

Is he going to live at home during college?
What are your long term residential plans for him?
Can he live alone, like if you go on vacation for a week and leave him at home? Work on him learning to run the household, pay bills, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is high functioning ASD as is her entire family. I could answer questions from that perspective if you want.

How was her temperament when raising you? If there were executive function issues how did it manifest in your childhood?

Thanks in advance I’m not OP BTW.

She had a very short fuse, likely due to sensory issues. She would explode in rage often. Luckily I was an only child and a quiet girl so there wasn't a lot to trigger her. I don't think she could have coped with more kids.

The real problem was lack of emotional attunement. When you can't get that from your mother it obviously has a lasting (negative) effect. When I was upset about something she just couldn't understand it and offered no comfort. I learned quickly that she was not a safe place to discuss my feelings or emotions. For example I've never once had a conversation with her about my love life.

My dad was a pretty good father and the primary parent which helped. They are still married but have a very rocky relationship, it's very hard to be married to someone who can't reciprocate emotional vulnerability.

She lives near me and sees my kids but I am very careful about the time they spend with her. She has zero frame of reference for what is and is not appropriate for kids and will say some really inappropriate things. When I was a kid I was allowed to watch whatever tv I wanted, stuff like that. She'll discuss really dark topics in front of my kids. She's not a warm and fuzzy grandma to say the least.

I will say there are good things about her. Work is the one way she can connect with me so she has always been very supportive of my career. We have one common interest and bond over that. She's great about helping me with any financial issues. She's really smart, she has economics degrees from top five universities.

Over all it was hard way to grow up but lots of people have bad moms. She wasn't abusive. Just volatile and hard to connect with.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DORS can be very helpful; they have all kinds of support services.

Anyone know if there is a Fairfax County version of this.

These programs are state-run, not by county. It looks like VA's Dept of Aging and Rehabilitative Services (DARS) does it.
https://www.dars.virginia.gov/drs/vr/

Anonymous wrote:DORS can be very helpful; they have all kinds of support services.

Anyone know if there is a Fairfax County version of this.

My so. Isn’t autistic but is bipolar and has other issues. I am amazed at the support available. The big thing I noticed is that my son didn’t even think to look for it so I had to teach him where to find it.

Congratulations. It’s a whole new journey.

Anonymous wrote:My mom is high functioning ASD as is her entire family. I could answer questions from that perspective if you want.

How was her temperament when raising you? If there were executive function issues how did it manifest in your childhood?

Thanks in advance I’m not OP BTW.

DORS can be very helpful; they have all kinds of support services.

We are an ASD/ADHD family. My husband has high-functioning autism (Asperger's) and he managed to claw his way to an MD/PhD without having good social skills. My son can also do intellectual and professional tasks well without knowing how to make small talk or maintaining any friendships. Neither have a professional network, and it means their careers are harder to sustain. Everything is 100% their own sweat, not via connections.

I agree with PP: repeat rules around risky behavior and consent (his and any potential partner). Developing social skills is really hard because usually people with these profiles are just not interested.

Maybe individual therapy, where you meet once with the therapist at first, with your son, and explain the social issues and OCD? Maybe they can offer your son a different perspective and reframe situations?

What do you mean, "take caution or any support?" He's unlikely to be eligible for SSI and it doesn't sound like guardianship is appropriate. Make sure he understands consent, safe sex, and drinking.

I’m an adult with autism who went up community college. Mine is less severe than your sons, and was undiagnosed when I went. I guess see what services the school offers for autistic students.

My mom is high functioning ASD as is her entire family. I could answer questions from that perspective if you want.

Try this blog https://apt11d.com/2025/05/31/flirting-with-employment-an-internship-is-giving-my-autistic-son-a-taste-of-employment/

My DS with high-functioning autism (18) recently graduated from high school and is planning to head to community college. Im happy how he decided to move on, but I was wondering if I should take any caution or support for my son. He mostly has a lack of social communication, poor eye contact, and a lot of fixations.

Are there any experiences with parents with autistic children who are also above the age of 18 or are in college right now? It seems like this forum doesn’t feature a lot of adults with special needs.