Anonymous wrote:Mine would WANT to bring a gift and would have spent time thinking about it. You raised your child poorly.

Your parents raised you poorly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine would WANT to bring a gift and would have spent time thinking about it. You raised your child poorly.

I didn’t actually. I’ve always modeled very thoughtful guest behavior and arrived w food to friend’s beach house in high school. And made her write thank yous etc. You don’t know me to judge/

Same. I'm always giving gifts and dressing properly but kids are casual about these things. They are nice and polite so at least there is some consolation for the hosts.

Anonymous wrote:Mine would WANT to bring a gift and would have spent time thinking about it. You raised your child poorly.

I didn’t actually. I’ve always modeled very thoughtful guest behavior and arrived w food to friend’s beach house in high school. And made her write thank yous etc. You don’t know me to judge/

Mine would WANT to bring a gift and would have spent time thinking about it. You raised your child poorly.

It’s ok to send something afterwards too, with a note. Flowers etc.

I even bring host/hostess gifts to my OWN parents when I visit them. 😁 It might be a bottle of wine, a personalized tea towel with some nice teas (they love tea), pastries, nice candies, etc., but its always something!

If she says thank you and clears he plate and offers to clean dishes or load the dishwasher or walk the dog or something along those lines, I think she will be fine. I wouldn't care.

If she’s staying w her college friend at the clllege friend’s parents’ house, then send her with something. If it’s just her college friend’s apartment, then that’s maybe okay - trust that your daughter knows their relationship dynamic and what’s expected. I don’t think it would be so crazy for your daughter to bring a bottle of wine, a nice box of herbal tea, a little bit of chocolate or something else that’s thoughtful and really not that hard to tuck into a bag for the train

Anonymous wrote:She probably won't leave a thank you note or email either, huh.

She can act respectful of house rules and be polite. That's enough and verbally thank them in a sincere manner at arrival and departure, that's good enough.

I don't expect my children's college friends to bring any gift. Most are short on money.

Anonymous wrote:I would laugh w her about it and say yes, I am old fashioned and just do it for me…bring a nice consumable

She said I got irate. Maybe I did. It is the way I was raised. I wouldn’t think twice. I would definitely bring a gift. Maybe I should have bought. We have a great cake at a local bakery, but she didn’t want to drag on train.

I would laugh w her about it and say yes, I am old fashioned and just do it for me…bring a nice consumable

She probably won't leave a thank you note or email either, huh.

I think if your child is a polite guest than it will be fine.

Hostess gifts are nice, but there are several other things that go into being a good guest that are more important. Not making a mess, being respectful of house rules, speaking politely with friend's parents, etc.

People generally want less stuff/clutter in their house, have dietary restrictions that make food gifts difficult etc. I don't think hostess gifts are as important as they used to be.

Had argument w DD about bringing gift to college friend’s house this weekend. I think it’s ill-mannered and rude not to bring something. She thinks it’s just my opinion. I feel I didn’t pass on values well enough.