Anonymous wrote:Remember, it's ok to say, "Mom you're being rude." if she tries to use emotional manipulation on you. Family do not get a pass on being rude.

+100000000

Remember, it's ok to say, "Mom you're being rude." if she tries to use emotional manipulation on you. Family do not get a pass on being rude.

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the emotional barbs she is throwing, she does that because she is emotionally immature and doesn't know how to communicate.

So treat her like a toddler throwing a tantrum. Just get to the heart of the request. So when she says "Oh it's been WEEKS since you called me I just can't believe it, you never make time for me!" you just say "would you like to schedule a visit?".

You are getting pulled into defending your reasoning and choices and emotions to her. Don't do that. Treat it like business. Drop the emotional rope, that's her own ish to figure out.

And yes, spend less time with someone who goes out their way to make you feel like you are never doing enough. Life is too short for that.

This is what I would do. I wouldn't reach out about a visit, but if she asks I would just schedule a time for her to visit that is convenient for YOUR family. I wouldn't go out of my way to accommodate her, but I would let her come see the grandkids when it is convenient for you. Just save yourself the drama and ignore all her barbs- as an added bonus, it will probably drive her crazy that you aren't taking the bait.

Anonymous wrote:"You said you didn't want to see us this summer, and you made yourself very unpleasant about it, so we don't actually want to see you at all until you stop being so demanding and entitled."

I would not make plans this summer with your mother, would enforce very rigid boundaries going forward, and would be very direct about how irritating she is. She can rage all she wants, but that's her problem, not yours, and there will be consequences to each one. The less you see her, the more inclined you'll be to tolerate shenanigans during her rare visits, and the less likely she'll be to dare cross you too much.

At least, that's how it works with my mother. I arrived at this method after trying to make it work in my 20s and early 30s. After reaching the point where I was ready to never see her again in my life... I decided on doing it this way. She knows I will follow through if she doesn't behave.

Not OP, but just wanted say, this is how you do it.

Ignore the emotional barbs she is throwing, she does that because she is emotionally immature and doesn't know how to communicate.

So treat her like a toddler throwing a tantrum. Just get to the heart of the request. So when she says "Oh it's been WEEKS since you called me I just can't believe it, you never make time for me!" you just say "would you like to schedule a visit?".

You are getting pulled into defending your reasoning and choices and emotions to her. Don't do that. Treat it like business. Drop the emotional rope, that's her own ish to figure out.

And yes, spend less time with someone who goes out their way to make you feel like you are never doing enough. Life is too short for that.

I'd screenshot her message about not inviting her to stuff and send it back to her.

No message, no arguing, just her own words.

Is she local?

Anonymous wrote:"You said you didn't want to see us this summer, and you made yourself very unpleasant about it, so we don't actually want to see you at all until you stop being so demanding and entitled."

I would not make plans this summer with your mother, would enforce very rigid boundaries going forward, and would be very direct about how irritating she is. She can rage all she wants, but that's her problem, not yours, and there will be consequences to each one. The less you see her, the more inclined you'll be to tolerate shenanigans during her rare visits, and the less likely she'll be to dare cross you too much.

At least, that's how it works with my mother. I arrived at this method after trying to make it work in my 20s and early 30s. After reaching the point where I was ready to never see her again in my life... I decided on doing it this way. She knows I will follow through if she doesn't behave.

Wow, thanks! This is actually really helpful. I’m going to use this. Thanks again!

"You said you didn't want to see us this summer, and you made yourself very unpleasant about it, so we don't actually want to see you at all until you stop being so demanding and entitled."

I would not make plans this summer with your mother, would enforce very rigid boundaries going forward, and would be very direct about how irritating she is. She can rage all she wants, but that's her problem, not yours, and there will be consequences to each one. The less you see her, the more inclined you'll be to tolerate shenanigans during her rare visits, and the less likely she'll be to dare cross you too much.

At least, that's how it works with my mother. I arrived at this method after trying to make it work in my 20s and early 30s. After reaching the point where I was ready to never see her again in my life... I decided on doing it this way. She knows I will follow through if she doesn't behave.

Tell her to F off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send your kids to her house for a few weeks.

Oh, no, lol, that’s never going to happen. She’s not that kind of grandma.

Well you just showed what kind of miserable person you are.

Ok. You have no idea the reasons why I wouldn’t send my kids for an extended period of time to be alone in her care, you just want to troll. Next!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send your kids to her house for a few weeks.

Oh, no, lol, that’s never going to happen. She’s not that kind of grandma.

Well you just showed what kind of miserable person you are.

Anonymous wrote:Send your kids to her house for a few weeks.

Oh, no, lol, that’s never going to happen. She’s not that kind of grandma.

Send your kids to her house for a few weeks.

I’m really annoyed and sort of at my breaking point with my mom. She’s absolutely that grandma who expects everyone to bend over backwards to accommodate her. Our oldest is moving into middle school and so the end of the year was full of different end of year events, which made things complicated. Plus we had work. We’d do things like invite my mom to dinners, etc, but she wasn’t pleased with “just” that and wanted more, despite us explaining that it was just a super busy time of year, but summer is coming. She refused to come to each thing we invited her to. She made a declaration at the beginning of summer that she was taking time off to focus on activities with her girlfriends, not to invite her to things for a while. Now it’s our youngest’s birthday and she is whining that we haven’t invited her to a single thing all summer. What? I’m sure this is what you’d call gaslighting? Anyway, she’s demanding we figure out when she can come see DC for his birthday, because she misses us and we haven’t made any effort to get together. The rational part of me that often feels like the only grown up at the table wants to not reward her, now that she’s done pouting and wants a cherry picked time and place to be the center of attention and best grandma ever.

Help talk me down or give me some solid advice. I’d be fine not seeing my mom again for the rest of the summer, as she requested, but know I’d never hear the end of it.