Anonymous wrote:In laws have a place in Florida close to the beach and DH and in laws really want us visit for a week during the summer. Young DCs would probably really enjoy the trip too.

Am I really selfish for being the sole holdout on this? The alternative is we go on our own vacation, but it would be far more expensive. Money isn’t tight but a consideration. I just don’t want to spend a week with the in-laws on our sole summer vacation. They are nice enough. They just don’t help with the kids, I never feel completely comfortable, the home is not baby proof and it doesn’t feel like our nuclear family creating memories anymore, its more about the grandparents. And we will be there twice during the holidays already.

Since it is a flight away, it doesn’t really make sense to just go for a few days in case, and they probably wouldn’t be thrilled if we split the time between their home and somewhere else anyway. So it’s all or nothing

Are they supposed to?

I would go on a separate nuclear family vacation and just do a weekend at the beach house.

I take my kids to see my parents every summer. We also see them during the holidays. DH does not use/waste any vacation days from work to hang out with my parents.

Even as a family, we have done many weekend/long weekend trips to Florida. I don’t think you need to go for an entire week.

could you invite them to come to you asa compromise?

Summer in Florida would be a hard no for me. I would consider a winter trip.

How old are the kids. Any vacation with babies are exhausting and not that fun. Since they are young enough you need to baby proof, I wouldn’t spend a lot of money on vacation.

If you’re worrying about a house not being baby proofed I’m not sure what memories you think you’re making this summer.

If there wasn’t someplace I was really wanting to go, I’d agree to this now but maybe do at least a day trip or two. And for the future I’d have plans and itineraries for future summers. I mean right now it’s just that you don’t want to go. It’s not like you have someplace you’re really wanting to be. It’s just anywhere but there.

The best summer vacation we’ve had so far was Martha’s Vineyard for two weeks. We had family and one of my friends come and go staying three or more nights at a time. It was a huge house so never crowded.

If it’s about making memories with you that’s what you all do all year round. It’s more about the kids and their grandparents making memories. Unless the grandparents have no interest in their own grandchildren I would go.

Going to Florida in the summer sounds miserable. They can go without you.

Don’t do it. Have a nuclear family vacation. You deserve to relax and fully enjoy.

Not sure how old the kids are but I’d consider sending the kids with DH? You could save your vacation time to spend with your kids doing something you would prefer to do instead- like visiting your parents or friends etc if DH can’t get time off, or a staycation doing fun things with your kids.
And some free time for yourself while they are gone.

But obviously that would really depend how old the kids are and whether you would trust this scenario…

Nope. You don't have to do everything with them.

Since your husband wants to go, I would push back on this all or nothing thing and see if you can work out a compromise where it’s half in laws, half somewhere else or a shorter deal. I think his perspective is valid but he has to be willing to meet you halfway.

When we have the time and the money, we do a nuclear family vacation. No in-laws, no parents.

In your case, with your husband pushing to go and the money angle, I'd consider the ages of the kids: are they too young to make memories elsewhere? In that case, accumulate brownie points by doing what your husband wants (and make sure he knows you're doing him a favor). When the kids get older, you cash them in for travel YOU want to do.

If you're going to be there 2x this year, I would say skip it. There are so many other places in the world to see instead of going to FL 3x a year.

In laws have a place in Florida close to the beach and DH and in laws really want us visit for a week during the summer. Young DCs would probably really enjoy the trip too.

Am I really selfish for being the sole holdout on this? The alternative is we go on our own vacation, but it would be far more expensive. Money isn’t tight but a consideration. I just don’t want to spend a week with the in-laws on our sole summer vacation. They are nice enough. They just don’t help with the kids, I never feel completely comfortable, the home is not baby proof and it doesn’t feel like our nuclear family creating memories anymore, its more about the grandparents. And we will be there twice during the holidays already.

Since it is a flight away, it doesn’t really make sense to just go for a few days in case, and they probably wouldn’t be thrilled if we split the time between their home and somewhere else anyway. So it’s all or nothing