Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you haven't yet announced that this doesn't work for you. Working during an uncomfortable vacation??? Heck no. I would announce that my preferred dates for vacations are X-to-Y, and could we please rent a larger house? If it's not possible, then bow out and do your own thing.

OP here - I’ve pushed back before and my mom gets really upset so don’t want to hurt her feelings! This is her side of the family and she’s looked forward to having her own grandkids on this trip as long as I can remember. The beach where we stay at has all these July 4 traditions that she wants to do with our kids too , and a part of me does too - but has very few rentals available which is why we haven’t changed accommodations. She and my aunts and uncles would be devastated if we stayed elsewhere or didn’t come. My dad is more understanding but spends most of the trip golfing with friends anyways

You are not responsible for your mom being upset. She has a fantasy image in her head of how this vacation goes. You are simply a role player in it. It’s natural for her to be disappointed if the fantasy bubble pops. However, if she gets angry, upset with you, manipulative or badgering then she knows full well the vacation sucks for others and just doesn’t care! Understanding this helps you firmly stand your ground in saying no.

The passing of your grandparents is a good opportunity to re-evaluate and rework, especially if you like the tradition of a family reunion in theory but not in current practice.

Talk about how now that the family dynamics have changed and there are more people, you want to keep the tradition of the family week, but change the house and timing to better accommodate current participants.

Invite cousins to weigh in. Set up a survey. Create a document with links to potential houses. Be an advocate for your needs instead of suffering in silence and ruining everyone else’s trip at the same time. (Because I am certain there is some eye-rolling about how you and DH arrive, dump your kids on the other adults, and spend the week hiding in your room without helping/contributing to the daily rhythm of the house.)

I have a suggestion: maybe change islands? I know that this is tough to suggest and that there are emotions tied to this particular place but it might save the whole tradition to change a part of the tradition. I don’t know where in the Carolinas yall are staying but if it’s ten hours then it sounds like it might be SC? We go to Kiawah a lot of years around this time and there are always abundant rentals available. Maybe each family could even grab their own condo in the same development? There are so many cutie activities for kids and a parade etc. $15k also goes pretty far on Kiawah. Again, I feel for yall and understand your predicament. Hope you can work something else out.

Eek this is soo tough op. My family has a similar situation with extended family on my parents side that keeps getting together after I’ve had kids and it sound selfish but I’d really rather do things with just our immediate family like you. But alas similar my parents love their siblings and still want to do these big gatherings. We’ve had to find a balance. For example - what if you shared how things have even shifting for you and this need for some immediate family time and explored going every other year?? That is what we’ve done with one similar get together. And even though it is far we don’t go the whole week. And it really is almost as far so I know it sounds crazy but I’m telling you it is for the best for us - we go for 4-5 days every other year and it’s perfect. We see everyone, we’re happy to see them because it hasn’t been too much and we don’t stay too long so we don’t get frustrated. We bang it out with a crazy car ride and just count that as a thing w ended to do for family (ours is about 9 hrs).

Also I would trulllly try to see if there is ANY way to find another rental option for your family. Tell your parents now that you have kids that piece just absolutely is going to have to be adjusted. And see if your immediate family with your parents can stay in another spot on the years you come.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you haven't yet announced that this doesn't work for you. Working during an uncomfortable vacation??? Heck no. I would announce that my preferred dates for vacations are X-to-Y, and could we please rent a larger house? If it's not possible, then bow out and do your own thing.

OP here - I’ve pushed back before and my mom gets really upset so don’t want to hurt her feelings! This is her side of the family and she’s looked forward to having her own grandkids on this trip as long as I can remember. The beach where we stay at has all these July 4 traditions that she wants to do with our kids too , and a part of me does too - but has very few rentals available which is why we haven’t changed accommodations. She and my aunts and uncles would be devastated if we stayed elsewhere or didn’t come. My dad is more understanding but spends most of the trip golfing with friends anyways

Look, you can either disappoint your mom now, or disappoint her later, or disappoint yourself. Best to do 2025 and then not do it again. Disappoint her now while she has all her mental health and can understand.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you haven't yet announced that this doesn't work for you. Working during an uncomfortable vacation??? Heck no. I would announce that my preferred dates for vacations are X-to-Y, and could we please rent a larger house? If it's not possible, then bow out and do your own thing.

OP here - I’ve pushed back before and my mom gets really upset so don’t want to hurt her feelings! This is her side of the family and she’s looked forward to having her own grandkids on this trip as long as I can remember. The beach where we stay at has all these July 4 traditions that she wants to do with our kids too , and a part of me does too - but has very few rentals available which is why we haven’t changed accommodations. She and my aunts and uncles would be devastated if we stayed elsewhere or didn’t come. My dad is more understanding but spends most of the trip golfing with friends anyways

I’d still go but get my own accommodations for my immediate family.

I would insist your family have one room or you don't go or get a hotel nearby. There is no way I'd sleep on a bunk bed with my husband and kids elsewhere.

Stop attending. It’s miserable and you and your family dread these types of trips.

OP, you're an adult. You made it out of childhood. Adulthood can come with a lot of responsibilities but it also comes with freedom. You don't HAVE to go on vacation where others want to go. It's July 4th weekend - let freedom ring.

Anonymous wrote:Our family has done a beach trip for 30 years to the same beach every summer for the 4th . As we’ve gotten older and grandparents have passed, our parents have started paying for it instead but the house we rent costs $15k a week which to me sounds insane for a beach house in the Carolinas. In real life, I’m not super close to these relatives , but we see them this week but honestly it feels like everyone argues the whole trip, and the house is way too small for people and their partners....

This was a really fun tradition when I was young, but my DH and I live in DC now with our two young kids and the trip is miserable...

The trip is too far. 10 hours each way versus maybe 4 to DE beaches. Not enough bedrooms, hazardous stairs, and maybe not enough bathrooms. Accomodations stayed the same but kids grew up...

15k per week - I'd go for 2-3 units at Sea Colony in Bethany. if the GP are willing to pay 15k let them pay it for a convenient spot- beach front pools, indoor pool, gym, can get beach chair/umbrella set up by staff, walk to downtown.

Pull the plug. It was a wonderful tradition that has run its course for your family.

We made the same choice about a similar trip with extended family when our kids were small, after realizing that if my BIL had to walk through our bedroom in order to go to the bathroom, the sleeping arrangements were no longer working for either family.

It also sounds like a week of vacation in August would be a better fit for your family. Good luck!

I don't understand why you haven't yet announced that this doesn't work for you. Working during an uncomfortable vacation??? Heck no. I would announce that my preferred dates for vacations are X-to-Y, and could we please rent a larger house? If it's not possible, then bow out and do your own thing.

Oh my god, I'd make this your last one. Don't tell anyone. Just try to find the good in it this year and don't ever do it again. It used to be tradition to have slaves, to treat women as property, to burn people thought to be witches, etc. We evolve. Life changes. We know better.

Next spring or whenever booking time is approaching for Summer 2026, say to your parents you won't be going this summer. Then tell your cousins who also don't want to go so you can all NOT attend.

Our family has done a beach trip for 30 years to the same beach every summer for the 4th . As we’ve gotten older and grandparents have passed, our parents have started paying for it instead but the house we rent costs $15k a week which to me sounds insane for a beach house in the Carolinas. In real life, I’m not super close to these relatives , but we see them this week but honestly it feels like everyone argues the whole trip, and the house is way too small for people and their partners.

This was a really fun tradition when I was young, but my DH and I live in DC now with our two young kids and the trip is miserable. Due to spacing, my husband and I have to sleep in bunk beds in a separate room from one another and our kids on air mattresses in the den , aka no one sleeps the whole week, and it’s a terrible time for both of our jobs since the end of the quarter is crazy for us. So we end up on the phone for most of the trip relying on relatives to watch our kids, But we’ve gone every year because it’s tradition but honestly I’m ready for our own family (and my parents and brother) to do our own thing. I have several cousins that feel the same but I’m the first to have kids / my kids are the only kids. Money isn’t an issue with us finding our own accommodations, it’s the fact that there is nowhere else for us to stay nearby.
The house also has a staircase that is really dangerous for young kids and while it’s gated off people forget to close the gate constantly

I’m in between a rock and a hard place because we don’t pay for this trip, but it’s a HUGE commitment for us regarding taking time off work as the quarter is closing and the 10+ hour drive both ways and everyone’s on edge the whole time, not just my husband and I. Money isn’t an issue for myself or my parents but really wish my family did a trip with just us the way DHs does - so much more enjoyable and less stressful and my parents paying 5k for a trip where we work most of the time seems so impractical. How would you approach this conversation with your parents about how something needs to change? Just don’t want to disappoint anyone but things evolve as we grow up!