Anonymous wrote:Op, you won't know until you invite them individually. Extend individual invitations to do something. And don't talk about your kids, not too much.

This. I have a couple of really good friends, which I find to be a little unusual at this time in my life. At least for an introvert like me. I'm very grateful. But they weren't mom friends.

The one mom friend who I have tried to keep in contact with doesn't want to do anything other than talk about her kids. And it gets boring, honestly. She doesn't want to go "do" things. Just sit, drink wine, and talk about her kids. But I feel like my life is now opened back up to stuff "I" want to do, not what I was "required" to do as a mom. Hiking, biking, kayaking, travelling, photography, refinishing furniture, and more. I don't expect everyone to share my hobbies, but it's fun hanging out with people who can discuss different stuff they do, and a real plus if they want to go boating on the bay one day soon, join a bootcamp class together, and so on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting...my parents are still friendly with many of the parents of my HS classmates - they get together on a regular basis with them and it's not over 30 years since I graduated HS!

Our oldest is in college and we still see the parents of their close friends regularly - we just had a few couples over for a cookout on the 4th.

Oh yea? How many and how often and where do your parents live? We need context, sister.

In my spouse’s small midwestern town, sure, her parents continued to see the parents of her friends well into their 80s. But that’s a whole different dynamic. And yes, having a few couples over for the fourth when your kid is still in college isn’t the same thing either — especially if the college aged kid and their friends were also there.

The fact is that in urban areas such as ours,when you base social life on the parents of your kids’ friends you are generally going to be in for a rude awakening when your kids leave the nest. Yes, you can reasonably expect to hold on to one or two of them but most of them will disappear.

Context: Grew up in a small community in Western PA near the city of Pittsburgh. Sure, whole different dynamic since my folks live in the house my Dad grew up in and he's 86. He still sees HS classmates on occasion. Small community bordering city of Pittsburgh, so it is different. But, they regularly get together socially for lunches out, dinners, go different events. There's a core group of about 6 couples and it ebbs and flows a bit.

On the 4th our college age kids weren't there - they were all down at the beach together for the long weekend. Just the parents.

Exactly what I thought. Not the same -- at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting...my parents are still friendly with many of the parents of my HS classmates - they get together on a regular basis with them and it's not over 30 years since I graduated HS!

Our oldest is in college and we still see the parents of their close friends regularly - we just had a few couples over for a cookout on the 4th.

Oh yea? How many and how often and where do your parents live? We need context, sister.

In my spouse’s small midwestern town, sure, her parents continued to see the parents of her friends well into their 80s. But that’s a whole different dynamic. And yes, having a few couples over for the fourth when your kid is still in college isn’t the same thing either — especially if the college aged kid and their friends were also there.

The fact is that in urban areas such as ours,when you base social life on the parents of your kids’ friends you are generally going to be in for a rude awakening when your kids leave the nest. Yes, you can reasonably expect to hold on to one or two of them but most of them will disappear.

Context: Grew up in a small community in Western PA near the city of Pittsburgh. Sure, whole different dynamic since my folks live in the house my Dad grew up in and he's 86. He still sees HS classmates on occasion. Small community bordering city of Pittsburgh, so it is different. But, they regularly get together socially for lunches out, dinners, go different events. There's a core group of about 6 couples and it ebbs and flows a bit.

On the 4th our college age kids weren't there - they were all down at the beach together for the long weekend. Just the parents.

I would hang in there and continue to try engage your friends. High school years can be tricky. You often don't know exactly what is going on in a family or how busy they are driving younger kids around. You might try something simple like a wine night or a brunch, or a walk. Keep at it and you will get a better feel for who still would like to continue the friendship.

Anonymous wrote:Interesting...my parents are still friendly with many of the parents of my HS classmates - they get together on a regular basis with them and it's not over 30 years since I graduated HS!

Our oldest is in college and we still see the parents of their close friends regularly - we just had a few couples over for a cookout on the 4th.

Oh yea? How many and how often and where do your parents live? We need context, sister.

In my spouse’s small midwestern town, sure, her parents continued to see the parents of her friends well into their 80s. But that’s a whole different dynamic. And yes, having a few couples over for the fourth when your kid is still in college isn’t the same thing either — especially if the college aged kid and their friends were also there.

The fact is that in urban areas such as ours,when you base social life on the parents of your kids’ friends you are generally going to be in for a rude awakening when your kids leave the nest. Yes, you can reasonably expect to hold on to one or two of them but most of them will disappear.

Interesting...my parents are still friendly with many of the parents of my HS classmates - they get together on a regular basis with them and it's not over 30 years since I graduated HS!

Our oldest is in college and we still see the parents of their close friends regularly - we just had a few couples over for a cookout on the 4th.

I work at a nonprofit that uses volunteers on a daily basis. Many friendships have bloomed among regular volunteers and between employees and volunteers. I also know “mature” people who have joined meet up and exercise groups that have led to friendships.

I would say nurture the existing friendships that you still value and consider getting out there to explore interests that are not kid centric; it may end up refreshing your social life.

Keep socializing. Be the fun person who has people over, and parties. Most people don’t know how to socialize anymore but are grateful when someone hosts. Don’t give up. The people who come are your people!

We still haven’t found our family friends and I often feel lonely. Once we are empty nesters I will be actively engaging in hobbies and hopefully meeting people that way. That’s time I don’t have right now working and raising kids.

In our case it really happened after ES ended where our core kid centric group drifted apart, though we are still friends. We still have a good group of friends but now that our kids are married with children and living locally they are a good part of our social life.

I noticed the parent friends faded around middle school. That also happened to be when the kids began making their own social plans and social groups started shifting. I’m focused on non-kid related friendships now that my kids are a rising HS senior through college grad.

Its a learning curve, you'll find your empty nester mojo.

Op, you won't know until you invite them individually. Extend individual invitations to do something. And don't talk about your kids, not too much.

And how many times to invite someone to things before removing them from your invite list? I’m thinking twice if there isn’t other engagement from them.

For people who made friends with their kids’ friends’ parents:

Did you find this to be an adjustment after your kid went off to college? Parent of rising college sophomore and I feel like we’re still trying to figure out who are long term friends and who were just friends of convenience. No one seems as social anymore. Some are off empty nesting; others focused on younger siblings. All fine and good. I guess I’ll just invite a group over and see who comes. I just don’t want to be that person who keeps inviting people who don’t want to come. Are others experiencing this awkward stage?

Do people get less social with age? I’m worried we’re all turning old and solitary.