Anonymous
Post 06/25/2025 17:33     Subject: If you go out for dinner, and you know someone else will end up paying
I mean if I was paying (which is usually the case when we go out), I would not care if you ordered something $5-10 more. Now if you ordered something $20 more, or wanted to order $200 bottles of wine, that’s a different thing. But in our case, it’s usually SIL doing this, so I don’t say anything.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2025 17:33     Subject: If you go out for dinner, and you know someone else will end up paying
You do not order the most expensive thing on the menu or at the table but other than that, barring any egregious orders, you don't worry too much.

For alcohol which can vary massively in price, you follow the host(ess)'s lead in price/type and glass/bottle/quantity.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2025 17:27     Subject: If you go out for dinner, and you know someone else will end up paying
Depends on who is hosting. Someone that I know is in good financial shape that dines out regularly- order anything but not appetizers (let them pick some to share if they want) and not the most expensive item.
Someone who is a little less financially well off- something mid-range to less.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2025 17:23     Subject: If you go out for dinner, and you know someone else will end up paying
It’s ok as a teen to order a real meal and not the kids meal but go for one of the cheaper meals.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2025 17:23     Subject: If you go out for dinner, and you know someone else will end up paying
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ordering something less than the host is extremely polite. But if I am paying, I am fine with you ordering whatever you want. And if you do order say a $200 bottle of wine, then I will do the same when you offer to host me. And if you do not offer to host, then that is the last time I invite you to dine with me.


I don't drink alcohol, so I'm not talking about something like that, or ordering something with a really stand out price on the menu. I was out with someone this weekend. They took me out to thank me for something, and in my experience when the invitation is phrased that way, I knew I won't end up paying. There was something on the menu that cost $35 that sounded really good, but the wife ordered before me, and she got something that cost about $30, so I picked something that cost $27. Then her husband picked something that cost $37 and I thought maybe I was being ridiculous.

I never pay at restaurants with the people I am thinking of. I've invited them over, and cooked for them. I've also watched their kids for free pretty regularly. But if we go out they always say "Oh, this is a thank you for taking the kids to X last week . . . " or something like that.

Similarly, my teenager goes out with a family pretty regularly. I would say that the kid eats at my house maybe 4 times a month, and my kid goes to a restaurant with them maybe once or twice a month, and they never let him pay. Their kid likes to pick things like chicken tenders that tend to be cheap, and my kid wonders, is it still OK for him to order a real entree?


IMO, it is fine for him to order a real entree, and I would tell him to stick with mid-priced entrees or less.


+1. He can have a real meal, just not the $50 steak. Pick something mid-priced, and don't order more than you can finish.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2025 17:21     Subject: If you go out for dinner, and you know someone else will end up paying
Who are these people that are paying? My MIL likes to pay and she'd be aghast if she thought I was thinking about that cost of an entree. With other people I'd be more careful.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2025 17:20     Subject: If you go out for dinner, and you know someone else will end up paying
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You can order something same price.


You should order a meal comparable to what your hosts are.


Agree, understanding that hosts=adult hosts, not their teenage son.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2025 17:19     Subject: If you go out for dinner, and you know someone else will end up paying
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ordering something less than the host is extremely polite. But if I am paying, I am fine with you ordering whatever you want. And if you do order say a $200 bottle of wine, then I will do the same when you offer to host me. And if you do not offer to host, then that is the last time I invite you to dine with me.


I don't drink alcohol, so I'm not talking about something like that, or ordering something with a really stand out price on the menu. I was out with someone this weekend. They took me out to thank me for something, and in my experience when the invitation is phrased that way, I knew I won't end up paying. There was something on the menu that cost $35 that sounded really good, but the wife ordered before me, and she got something that cost about $30, so I picked something that cost $27. Then her husband picked something that cost $37 and I thought maybe I was being ridiculous.

I never pay at restaurants with the people I am thinking of. I've invited them over, and cooked for them. I've also watched their kids for free pretty regularly. But if we go out they always say "Oh, this is a thank you for taking the kids to X last week . . . " or something like that.

Similarly, my teenager goes out with a family pretty regularly. I would say that the kid eats at my house maybe 4 times a month, and my kid goes to a restaurant with them maybe once or twice a month, and they never let him pay. Their kid likes to pick things like chicken tenders that tend to be cheap, and my kid wonders, is it still OK for him to order a real entree?


IMO, it is fine for him to order a real entree, and I would tell him to stick with mid-priced entrees or less.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2025 17:12     Subject: If you go out for dinner, and you know someone else will end up paying
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ordering something less than the host is extremely polite. But if I am paying, I am fine with you ordering whatever you want. And if you do order say a $200 bottle of wine, then I will do the same when you offer to host me. And if you do not offer to host, then that is the last time I invite you to dine with me.


I don't drink alcohol, so I'm not talking about something like that, or ordering something with a really stand out price on the menu. I was out with someone this weekend. They took me out to thank me for something, and in my experience when the invitation is phrased that way, I knew I won't end up paying. There was something on the menu that cost $35 that sounded really good, but the wife ordered before me, and she got something that cost about $30, so I picked something that cost $27. Then her husband picked something that cost $37 and I thought maybe I was being ridiculous.

I never pay at restaurants with the people I am thinking of. I've invited them over, and cooked for them. I've also watched their kids for free pretty regularly. But if we go out they always say "Oh, this is a thank you for taking the kids to X last week . . . " or something like that.

Similarly, my teenager goes out with a family pretty regularly. I would say that the kid eats at my house maybe 4 times a month, and my kid goes to a restaurant with them maybe once or twice a month, and they never let him pay. Their kid likes to pick things like chicken tenders that tend to be cheap, and my kid wonders, is it still OK for him to order a real entree?



I would say no, it's courteous to stick with the approximate price range of whatever his friend is ordering. He'll live.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2025 17:08     Subject: If you go out for dinner, and you know someone else will end up paying
Anonymous wrote:You can order something same price.


You should order a meal comparable to what your hosts are.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2025 17:07     Subject: If you go out for dinner, and you know someone else will end up paying
Anonymous wrote:Ordering something less than the host is extremely polite. But if I am paying, I am fine with you ordering whatever you want. And if you do order say a $200 bottle of wine, then I will do the same when you offer to host me. And if you do not offer to host, then that is the last time I invite you to dine with me.


I don't drink alcohol, so I'm not talking about something like that, or ordering something with a really stand out price on the menu. I was out with someone this weekend. They took me out to thank me for something, and in my experience when the invitation is phrased that way, I knew I won't end up paying. There was something on the menu that cost $35 that sounded really good, but the wife ordered before me, and she got something that cost about $30, so I picked something that cost $27. Then her husband picked something that cost $37 and I thought maybe I was being ridiculous.

I never pay at restaurants with the people I am thinking of. I've invited them over, and cooked for them. I've also watched their kids for free pretty regularly. But if we go out they always say "Oh, this is a thank you for taking the kids to X last week . . . " or something like that.

Similarly, my teenager goes out with a family pretty regularly. I would say that the kid eats at my house maybe 4 times a month, and my kid goes to a restaurant with them maybe once or twice a month, and they never let him pay. Their kid likes to pick things like chicken tenders that tend to be cheap, and my kid wonders, is it still OK for him to order a real entree?
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2025 17:06     Subject: If you go out for dinner, and you know someone else will end up paying
Anonymous wrote:Ordering something less than the host is extremely polite. But if I am paying, I am fine with you ordering whatever you want. And if you do order say a $200 bottle of wine, then I will do the same when you offer to host me. And if you do not offer to host, then that is the last time I invite you to dine with me.


We can afford the $200 of wine but I would find that extremely rude of a guest to order that and not invite them again.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2025 16:57     Subject: If you go out for dinner, and you know someone else will end up paying
You can order something same price.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2025 16:56     Subject: If you go out for dinner, and you know someone else will end up paying
Ordering something less than the host is extremely polite. But if I am paying, I am fine with you ordering whatever you want. And if you do order say a $200 bottle of wine, then I will do the same when you offer to host me. And if you do not offer to host, then that is the last time I invite you to dine with me.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2025 16:49     Subject: If you go out for dinner, and you know someone else will end up paying
My mother drilled into me as a child that if you go out to dinner, and someone else is paying, you pay attention to what they order, and order something less expensive, and if you're a child, you pay attention to what the children of the host order, and you order something less expensive. This applied in any circumstance.

Now, as an adult, I am often in situations where people take me out for dinner. These are not romantic situations, if that makes a difference.

What are the rules? What is reasonable? My teenager has a very good friend whose parents like to go out. The friend has a very limited palate and often the kinds of food he likes (chicken tenders, cheese pizza, hamburger) are the least expensive foods on the menu. Does my kid need to stick with something similar?