I couldn’t follow this but I’m sorry you’re going through it. It sounds really difficult and unfair to you.

I am completely confused by the redacted part, and by who knew that your birth mom had had a baby, and who didn't.

It sounds like you found your birth mom.

She offered to introduce you to the man she likes to think is your birth dad, you accepted, she did so. We'll call this guy BD #1

BD #1 says he didn't know she was pregnant or that there was a baby at all. He does not seem invested in you.

You have sense heard rumors that Birth Mom was involved with another man at the same time, and that he might be your Birthfather. We'll call him BD #2. Birth Mom is adamant that he is not the Birth Father. Also you think he might have been abusive to her.

You decided not to pursue genetic testing.

Now you find out that BD #2 did know you were born, and has assumed all these years that you are his child. But now he's dead.

You're wondering if you should do DNA testing.

Is that right?

If so, I think you have no obligation to test, but I might do so out of curiosity if it was me.

Incomprehensible. So who is your biological father?

These types of relationships seem to be messy exhausting and hurtful.

Establish boundaries and or let it all go.

I am not sure why you are being so hard on possible bio dad. It doesn’t sound like he ever knew about you and your mother was with other men at the same time but you are calling him a jerk? Sounds like you are the drama.

I can see the point of redacted dad questioning if hes the father hence keeping his distance. Your bio mom did sleep with another man. Me personally would just do a dna test not only for yourself but for the fairness of the man who your mom claims to be bio dad.

Somewhat hard to follow the dad part. Is there a resemblance?

I found my birth mom about 15yrs ago and we have a good relationship. I also got in touch with my birth dad and he didn’t have much interest in a relationship (beyond meeting me once…which is fine) but the resemblance made things pretty obvious. His daughter (never met her but have seen pics) and I look VERY much alike. My DD thought it was a younger photo of me.

Bio dad’s sister sent me a ton of photos, which I’m grateful for.

My only advice is to maintain your own boundaries, and respect any boundaries the other set as well.

I followed it. It doesn’t sound like you’re curious, so let it be. You can always change your mind.

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not interested in finding out for sure, tell them you are not interested and you do not wish to be contacted further. If they don’t respect that, block their number(s).

This is only “drama” if you continue to engage with anyone you don’t want to speak with.

This.

If you’re not interested in finding out for sure, tell them you are not interested and you do not wish to be contacted further. If they don’t respect that, block their number(s).

This is only “drama” if you continue to engage with anyone you don’t want to speak with.

Wow your bio mom certainly got around. I'm not understand though how all these people seem to know each other? Do they live in a very small town? Are they all somehow related? Very curious.

So confusing to follow

How many potential dads are there? I counted like four.

This is too confusing to follow redacted, stranger, etc. try again with some fake names.

and i can't really talk about it elsewhere for various reasons.

i'm adopted. got in touch with birth mom a while ago, things went well, i see her about once a year. after a few years, she decided she wanted to introduce me to bio dad. she'd never told him she had a baby, so it was a big surprise. he's nice, but distant (not like he's had decades to get used to the idea). it's fine. small complication in that she'd been dating two guys around that time and some folks thought another guy might have been the dad, but she was adamant that he was not.

i don't actually care, i don't need a relationship with any of them. again, it's been many decades. i never wanted to do dna testing to "know for sure", especially if that might mean trauma for birth mom. (sounded like other dude did not treat her well.) years pass.

get a text out of the blue from a number i don't recognize, offering to give me pictures and info on my paternal side of the family. google shows it's a relative of bio dad. i ask if (name redacted) is ok because i haven't heard from in a while. they respond by asking if i perhaps think (redacted) is my dad?

i ask who gave them my number and they say (redacted).

wtf.

apparently all along he has always thought that i was the other dudes kid, possibly because his relative was good friends with other dude and so went on and on about how the big tragedy of other dudes life was that he never found his long-lost kid. when their relative brought it up again recently he was just like "oh heres their number".

only saving grace here is that other dude is now dead, so i don't actually have to deal with complications there. but sheesh! now i'm tempted to do a dna test just to figure out how much of a jerk my (redacted) is.

stranger seems super invested in the thought that they've finally found their dead friends kid. i'm just boggled that (redacted) handed over my phone number without even a heads up. not going dump all this on birth mom cause she don't need that mess.