Parents were initially freaking out internally but always nice to DH. Once they accepted that he was the one, they pulled it together and honestly, they love him so much now. Probably get along better with him than me.

Our family in India is very traditional, most people marry without the same community. When my parents announced the engagement to family and friends, they were 100% excited, even if that wasn’t how they felt initially. It didn’t give others room to question the relationship or add their thoughts. Like another PP, my parents are not chill about anything, but I do appreciate that they didn’t express doubts or allow others to. And they now are so happy with him.

Don’t let your parents bully you into ending a relationship. I know many divorced Indian-Americans who married someone Indian to make their parents happy (not arranged, just more settling). And others who are single because they didn’t follow their heart with someone who didn’t meet their parents’ expectations. Power through and most all but the craziest will come around just fine.

Good luck to you!

My DH is South Asian and Muslim and I am White and grew up Christian. After an initial adjustment his parents and relatives could not be more welcoming to me. My understanding is it would be harder if I were Hindu or if the genders were reversed. In Islam it is okay for a man to marry a non-Muslim especially if she is Christian or Jewish (people of the book).

Anonymous wrote:I would guess that socio economic status makes a difference too. If the Indian extended family has high expectations of money flowing back to them and the non Indian SIL/DIL or their parents are not onboard with this, then this could be a worry.

As a WASP it’s mind blowing how some Indian parents expect so much money from their adult children. Even more mind blowing is the expectation to give money to hordes of aunts, uncles, and cousins. Honestly, I would restructure how our inheritance and trusts work if we’re in a position where the funds we give to DD or DS for their nuclear family are grabbed by overseas in laws.

Are you serious? It’s almost like you don’t know any white people, much less any Indian ones.

I would guess that socio economic status makes a difference too. If the Indian extended family has high expectations of money flowing back to them and the non Indian SIL/DIL or their parents are not onboard with this, then this could be a worry.

As a WASP it’s mind blowing how some Indian parents expect so much money from their adult children. Even more mind blowing is the expectation to give money to hordes of aunts, uncles, and cousins. Honestly, I would restructure how our inheritance and trusts work if we’re in a position where the funds we give to DD or DS for their nuclear family are grabbed by overseas in laws.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's this question? Is this the 60s?

You must not know any Indians.

Or anyone with any significant ties with their background . My in-laws are Geeman, VERY German, and it was very clear that I should have been if German descent in a perfect world. They cling very much to their food, travel, music and culture.

Ultimately, it’s the same reason WASPs don’t happily handle when their kids marry outside that, either.

Desi women married to non Desi. Initially family was reluctant due to cultural differences. We are now married and my family adores him. They want their child happy and stay out of our business. My non Desi inlaws are from hell, divorced family both married and moved on. FIL wants his GF to be treated like my MIL, she controls when we see him and her family gets all the priority. He

These were my family concerns and now I see it. Inlaws are the most selfish people show no interest in our lives.

Anonymous wrote:What's this question? Is this the 60s?

You must not know any Indians.

What's this question? Is this the 60s?

I am Indian, married an East European. Parents were initially displeased but came around and now think spouse hung the moon. My grandmother was spouse’s biggest cheerleader and her stamp of approval smoothed the way. We had a huge wedding in India and no one boycotted.

I am an Indian DD. My parents were never chill about anything growing up. But they embraced my non-Indian husband with open arms. My DH recognizes my parents are not chill about anything but always welcome them too. My mother was much nicer to him than her own children, but that’s our family way, tbh.

Exclusion of any sort is not prevalent in our circles.

My DH is Indian, I’m non Indian, we had a western wedding, and he does not keep with desi community. His family is wonderful and the 2nd generation is fairly mixed anyway. All is good!

Anonymous wrote:Desi parent here. Our desi DD married a WASP a few years ago. In many key ways, it was a good match. We paid entirely for the week long big fat Hindu Indian wedding and many relatives and friends came from around the world. Yes, there is no boycott of them and they are pretty much integrated into our network and well liked. My DD guides him about what are the "asks" of the Indian community and it is not much.

I'm a Desi DD here and similar. I think as I was getting "older" (30!) my parents cared less about the stuff they used to focus on and were just happy I was getting married, lol. We went to the same good schools etc and that helped. My parents and DH parents got a long from the start.

We don't have a ton of "Indian community" where we live, our own friends are a mix. But we go to family friend weddings, family reunions, visit relatives, have been to India. Everyone has been great. We had a big wedding (though just a weekend) paid for by my parents and lots of relatives came (even from India and elsewhere) and put Indian family friends from growing up.

My DH is pretty chill and my parents even stayed wit us after each kid was born for long stretches. It's been fine. Every person and family is different of course.

Desi parent here. Our desi DD married a WASP a few years ago. In many key ways, it was a good match. We paid entirely for the week long big fat Hindu Indian wedding and many relatives and friends came from around the world. Yes, there is no boycott of them and they are pretty much integrated into our network and well liked. My DD guides him about what are the "asks" of the Indian community and it is not much.

If you are desi, you married a non desi, were your parents chill about it? If not, did they or any family members come for your wedding or have a relationship with you after your wedding? Did you care that you might end up being shut out from your community? Do you still meet the desi family friends?