Your husband has an anger management problem, stemming from a rigid mental make-up. He cannot multi-task or have competing interests, with a social component, claim his attention, otherwise he becomes very anxious and that translates to explosions of verbal aggression.

Does my paragraph apply to your husband?

If yes, it means he's on the autism spectrum.

He's probably not bipolar, unless other symptoms are involved in a cyclical manner. However, genetically, all these mental health conditions are related. My FIL was bipolar and my husband and son are on the autism spectrum, with ADHD. It appears that my in-law's family has some genes that predispose their males to being bipolar or autistic, with ADHD.

The best thing you can do is to research all that stuff, see if it fits, and if it does, sit him down when he's very calm and has nothing to do, and explain it. He can't work on himself to reduce his anger, if he's not aware of what can trigger said anger. He can get a formal diagnosis or not. The main thing is for him practice self-awareness of his moods and be mindful of responding in a proportional manner given the situation. It's A LOT to ask of someone who has reached a certain age without ever knowing this about himself...

If your dh was aware and ok with the lunch time and then flipped out anyway, then yeah he is being an ahole.

At that point I would have just gone to lunch and left him in the garage.

The son should do his own thing.

I disagree with a lot of the comments here. If I’m understanding correctly, your son asked to get together to celebrate his father for Father’s Day and I guess celebrating his own first Father’s Day as well, which is significant in and of itself.

Typically Father’s Day is like Mother’s Day, a family day. And I have to agree with OP that allowing an appointment with the handyman to ruin a family plan would have me infuriated as well - unless there’s a part here I am definitely on the side of the OP. He should have been thankful for his family, wanting to honor him and celebrate.
sounds like he would have had the rest of the day to do as he pleases. no offense, but he does sound like a very difficult unpleasant person to be around.

OP, you should have just gone and had a nice day with son and DIL. Don’t allow H to highjack plans esp on holidays, you all need to take you power back. It’s likely far nicer without him there anyway.

H may have a mood disorder, be AS, etc. Make a life he is tangential to.

Anonymous wrote:It's your SON'S first Father's Day? But your son isn't a baby? I am so confused about that part.

What is not confusing is that your husband said no to lunch and you barreled ahead with a lunch he didn't want. In sum, your prioritized your son over your husband on Father's Day.

It’s not hard to figure out. It’s her son’s first Father’s Day as a father.

Anonymous wrote:It's your SON'S first Father's Day? But your son isn't a baby? I am so confused about that part.

What is not confusing is that your husband said no to lunch and you barreled ahead with a lunch he didn't want. In sum, your prioritized your son over your husband on Father's Day.

The son has had his own child, obviously.

It's your SON'S first Father's Day? But your son isn't a baby? I am so confused about that part.

What is not confusing is that your husband said no to lunch and you barreled ahead with a lunch he didn't want. In sum, your prioritized your son over your husband on Father's Day.

You are the problem here op.

It sounds like he told you no lunch. So you moved lunch by 30 minutes and announced that to him, but he never agreed to it. That's where you went wrong.

Stop trying to choreograph family events, you clearly don't have the kind of husband who likes that.

Team husband.

Step son?

Anonymous wrote:Husband told you no and you did it anyways then you got mad when he didn’t want to participate because he had other plans already in progress? You should’ve said no to your child from the get go or planned lunch at a restaurant with just you. He said no and you showed zero I mean ZERO respect. Unacceptable OP, your behavior was unacceptable. Go apologize to him.

I think you need to reread the OP. Or you're clearly just one of those posters that always wants to pick apart the OP regardless.

Husband told you no and you did it anyways then you got mad when he didn’t want to participate because he had other plans already in progress? You should’ve said no to your child from the get go or planned lunch at a restaurant with just you. He said no and you showed zero I mean ZERO respect. Unacceptable OP, your behavior was unacceptable. Go apologize to him.

Love my husband, but I will be the first to tell you. He’s extremely moody. In fact I wouldn’t even be surprised if he is bipolar. He told me that he really was looking forward to just having a day to kind of do what he wants, which means puttering around the garage maybe looking at his golf clubs, etc.

I have no problem with that however, our son is celebrating his first Father’s Day and they are leaving for vacation this afternoon however he asked if we could have lunch today-an early lunch. When I told my husband he said no because he had a handyman coming over to the house to do some work and wanted to make it later.

I said that they were leaving and they couldn’t do it much later but that we would make it half an hour later as a fair compromise. He was well aware. so today, my son calls to confirm the plan my husband loses it in front of the handyman and me screaming why did I make that plan etc. as though having the handyman there is the most important thing when we really should’ve all been out together celebrating Father’s Day not only for my husband for my son as well. my daughter-in-law was also very upset, she was all dressed up to go, and we all thought it was a confirmed plan.

He was also so incredibly rude, and I cannot find a single way to justify this behavior. I’ve included all of the pertinent facts and would be curious as to how you would handle it. I am super tempted to get in my car and go away for a night. The fact that on a day that he knows fathers are celebrated. He would choose to have a handyman. Come to do nonsense around the house and allow that to dictate the day is outrageous in my opinion