Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So there are no kids involved?

Your ex is trying to give you as little money as possible - he doesn’t want to settle. This prolonged legal process is going to be stressful for you but you unfortunately can’t really stop it. When someone is taking the most aggressive stance you cannot resolve things through the tools that you hear about in less high conflict cases (mediation, settlement).

I would consult with your lawyer to understand what their plans are and how they see this unfolding, and better understand their strategy. If you have no urgent issues you need taken care of, then sitting tight and letting your ex run up his own legal bills may be all you can do.

At a certain point though you will need to assess your own legal costs.

The law in my state says he is responsible for my legal bills since he insisted on litigating and is the "monied spouse"

Then do a lot of self-care to work on patience. You are likely to come out of this with an equitable if not advantageous settlement.

Your STBX though he was going to leave you and magically divorce with no hassle. No doubt he has convinced himself that he was justified in cheating and filing for divorce, and is now justifying to himself that you deserve nothing. Judges aren't stupid. The fact that a business valuation has been ordered without you asking for it is an indication that the judge is already onto your ex. At this point, I'd hold out for a better settlement while also telling your attorney to prepare for trial, that you don't want to be the party delaying.

The judge might also be onto the stbx’s lawyer as being a slime bag hired by men trying to hide assets. In any event the judge proactively ordering forensic accounting seems like a good sign about this judge. OP it sounds like you did a lot of due diligence hiring your lawyer. Your ex has a personality problem but you already knew that right?

Interesting point about the judge who is known to be tough on all parties. My lawyer did say the fact that stbx was ordered to pay the full cost of the business valuation was interesting - typically the defendant is also required to pay a portion of that cost, even a nominal amount. One of stbx personality traits is that he will never admit he is wrong about anything big or small, so even if there are neon signs everywhere telling him he hired the wrong lawyer he will just double down, which he has.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So there are no kids involved?

Your ex is trying to give you as little money as possible - he doesn’t want to settle. This prolonged legal process is going to be stressful for you but you unfortunately can’t really stop it. When someone is taking the most aggressive stance you cannot resolve things through the tools that you hear about in less high conflict cases (mediation, settlement).

I would consult with your lawyer to understand what their plans are and how they see this unfolding, and better understand their strategy. If you have no urgent issues you need taken care of, then sitting tight and letting your ex run up his own legal bills may be all you can do.

At a certain point though you will need to assess your own legal costs.

The law in my state says he is responsible for my legal bills since he insisted on litigating and is the "monied spouse"

How does this work? Is he paying them directly, as the events unfold; or directly, but at the end; or are you paying now and he will need to reimburse you? If it's the last scenario, he might never pay, so try to be parsimonious.

Otherwise, yes, it's delicious that he's being taken for a ride by a scumbag lawyer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So there are no kids involved?

Your ex is trying to give you as little money as possible - he doesn’t want to settle. This prolonged legal process is going to be stressful for you but you unfortunately can’t really stop it. When someone is taking the most aggressive stance you cannot resolve things through the tools that you hear about in less high conflict cases (mediation, settlement).

I would consult with your lawyer to understand what their plans are and how they see this unfolding, and better understand their strategy. If you have no urgent issues you need taken care of, then sitting tight and letting your ex run up his own legal bills may be all you can do.

At a certain point though you will need to assess your own legal costs.

The law in my state says he is responsible for my legal bills since he insisted on litigating and is the "monied spouse"

Then do a lot of self-care to work on patience. You are likely to come out of this with an equitable if not advantageous settlement.

Your STBX though he was going to leave you and magically divorce with no hassle. No doubt he has convinced himself that he was justified in cheating and filing for divorce, and is now justifying to himself that you deserve nothing. Judges aren't stupid. The fact that a business valuation has been ordered without you asking for it is an indication that the judge is already onto your ex. At this point, I'd hold out for a better settlement while also telling your attorney to prepare for trial, that you don't want to be the party delaying.

The judge might also be onto the stbx’s lawyer as being a slime bag hired by men trying to hide assets. In any event the judge proactively ordering forensic accounting seems like a good sign about this judge. OP it sounds like you did a lot of due diligence hiring your lawyer. Your ex has a personality problem but you already knew that right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So there are no kids involved?

Your ex is trying to give you as little money as possible - he doesn’t want to settle. This prolonged legal process is going to be stressful for you but you unfortunately can’t really stop it. When someone is taking the most aggressive stance you cannot resolve things through the tools that you hear about in less high conflict cases (mediation, settlement).

I would consult with your lawyer to understand what their plans are and how they see this unfolding, and better understand their strategy. If you have no urgent issues you need taken care of, then sitting tight and letting your ex run up his own legal bills may be all you can do.

At a certain point though you will need to assess your own legal costs.

The law in my state says he is responsible for my legal bills since he insisted on litigating and is the "monied spouse"

I hope that’s true! You still need to make sure you are directing your lawyers and not just letting them run up your bill.

Omg - sounds like you can just sit and wait him out and practically ignore him. Be grateful. People with children and custody in the mix go through absolute hell.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So there are no kids involved?

Your ex is trying to give you as little money as possible - he doesn’t want to settle. This prolonged legal process is going to be stressful for you but you unfortunately can’t really stop it. When someone is taking the most aggressive stance you cannot resolve things through the tools that you hear about in less high conflict cases (mediation, settlement).

I would consult with your lawyer to understand what their plans are and how they see this unfolding, and better understand their strategy. If you have no urgent issues you need taken care of, then sitting tight and letting your ex run up his own legal bills may be all you can do.

At a certain point though you will need to assess your own legal costs.

The law in my state says he is responsible for my legal bills since he insisted on litigating and is the "monied spouse"

Then do a lot of self-care to work on patience. You are likely to come out of this with an equitable if not advantageous settlement.

Your STBX though he was going to leave you and magically divorce with no hassle. No doubt he has convinced himself that he was justified in cheating and filing for divorce, and is now justifying to himself that you deserve nothing. Judges aren't stupid. The fact that a business valuation has been ordered without you asking for it is an indication that the judge is already onto your ex. At this point, I'd hold out for a better settlement while also telling your attorney to prepare for trial, that you don't want to be the party delaying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't want to give you money amd he doesn't want to marry AP lol. No incentive for him to take care of this.

You have no kids? You're good. You have to sweat through this, but when you're done, you're done forever and what a great feeling that will be.

I am guessing that they have adult kids. That would explain spousal maintenance and no child support or custody issues.

Correct. Long marriage. Kids are young adults now. My career took the back seat so he could travel for work, which he did extensively. Ironically I was the higher earner before we had kids.

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't want to give you money amd he doesn't want to marry AP lol. No incentive for him to take care of this.

You have no kids? You're good. You have to sweat through this, but when you're done, you're done forever and what a great feeling that will be.

I am guessing that they have adult kids. That would explain spousal maintenance and no child support or custody issues.

Anonymous wrote:His AP is pushing for a wedding thus he wants to delay the D now.

Was there an affair on your part why would his lawyer think they owe you nothing?

His lawyer is a combative little troll who is incredibly reactive and unprofessional. No affair on my part. STBX hired a bottom feeder lawyer who is known not to win settlements in his clients' favor after racking up huge legal bills. I spoke with 8 different attorneys before hiring someone to represent me and every single one said "oh, this guy is objectively the worst matrimonial lawyer around". I'm almost embarrassed for stbx that he chose this person to represent him. They've postponed some hearings because of last minute "emergencies" and filed these bs contempt motions against me. I'm hoping at the next court date the judge will finally lose patience with the bs. We were ordered to do mediation to reach a settlement but they're refusing to participate beyond one brief meeting where they said they were offering nothing. Ultimately not a good look for stbx. I can bide my time and I'm going to have to but it's so frustrating. You want out? Cool! ME TOO!! Let's do it!

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't want to give you money amd he doesn't want to marry AP lol. No incentive for him to take care of this.

You have no kids? You're good. You have to sweat through this, but when you're done, you're done forever and what a great feeling that will be.

This. I would go ahead and drag it out even longer OP.

He doesn't want to give you money amd he doesn't want to marry AP lol. No incentive for him to take care of this.

You have no kids? You're good. You have to sweat through this, but when you're done, you're done forever and what a great feeling that will be.

His AP is pushing for a wedding thus he wants to delay the D now.

Was there an affair on your part why would his lawyer think they owe you nothing?

Anonymous wrote:So there are no kids involved?

Your ex is trying to give you as little money as possible - he doesn’t want to settle. This prolonged legal process is going to be stressful for you but you unfortunately can’t really stop it. When someone is taking the most aggressive stance you cannot resolve things through the tools that you hear about in less high conflict cases (mediation, settlement).

I would consult with your lawyer to understand what their plans are and how they see this unfolding, and better understand their strategy. If you have no urgent issues you need taken care of, then sitting tight and letting your ex run up his own legal bills may be all you can do.

At a certain point though you will need to assess your own legal costs.

The law in my state says he is responsible for my legal bills since he insisted on litigating and is the "monied spouse"

So there are no kids involved?

Your ex is trying to give you as little money as possible - he doesn’t want to settle. This prolonged legal process is going to be stressful for you but you unfortunately can’t really stop it. When someone is taking the most aggressive stance you cannot resolve things through the tools that you hear about in less high conflict cases (mediation, settlement).

I would consult with your lawyer to understand what their plans are and how they see this unfolding, and better understand their strategy. If you have no urgent issues you need taken care of, then sitting tight and letting your ex run up his own legal bills may be all you can do.

At a certain point though you will need to assess your own legal costs.

I'm 6 months in to a divorce that could have been settled quickly. STBX does not want to divide assets or pay maintenance even though that's not an option. He and his lawyer refuse to submit paperwork. I submitted all my documents months ago. We've been to court twice already, they have filed motions against me none of which have any merit and have been easily disproven because I kept excellent records (see also: never delete texts even if you think you have a great relationship! So glad I have all of them...). All stalling tactics. It's kind of baffling.

He's living with his AP. You would think he would want to end this as quickly as possible. There are no custody/child support issues to be worked out. I wasn't even asking for a piece of his business but the judge ordered a business valuation to determine an equitable settlement so now there's that and he's pissed because it's costing him tens of thousands of dollars to get that done.

Please tell me there is a light at the end of this tunnel. We have another court date later this summer (his choice to litigate, btw, I wanted to do collaborative mediation and keep it out of court)...I just want this divorce already. My lawyer presented a settlement proposal to them months ago which they flat out rejected. His lawyer said "you know what she's getting? Nothing. We're giving her nothing." When is this insanity gonna end?!!