Also thought of another option. Use Snapchat or BeReal apps. Make them add you or take the phone. Kids communicate primarily through snap and they won’t miss a message because you can see if they are active. They might leave you “unread” but they can see the top line so don’t be fooled. You can also see their position on your snap map. My partner does this. BeReal, forces them to take a picture to prove they are where they say they are and you do the same. Reach them on their level. Also totally Life360.

Get a subscription to Life360. It’s the best. You can ping them and their phone lights up with emojis so they can’t ignore you and you can see where they are almost to the meter.
If they turn it off, they lose the phone. It’s alll about safety not about snooping.

It’s been my favorite tool for parenting kids.

It’s uncool for kids to have their phone unmuted. Just to the override for your contact in his phone like others have suggested.

Anonymous wrote:My DC 12 years old constantly mutes the phone and I am unable to reach them when I need to. Have told multiple times and no effect. What consequences to give? Would taking away the phone be too drastic? I don't see the point of my kid having a phone if I cannot reach them when I need to. DC uses it just to play games, watch tiktok, youtube shorts and text friends but the original reason for getting the phone was for emergency purposes.

he sets your number to emergency bypass. Duh.

Ping it through find my iPhone. You can’t ignore that sound. I used to do that when my kids wouldn’t answer.

Take the phone away until they’re responsible enough to handle it. But also make sure you’re one of the favorites that always gets through. I have my husband, son, and my mother on my phone as ones who can always get through do not disturb. If your kid is putting the phone in airplane mode, that’s an issue.

I find my kids respond better to more immediate feedback, so if I call a few times and they don't respond, I just declare the iphone lost through Find My.

You’re an idiot for giving free access phone to a 12 year old.

This is me. I mute my phone 100% of the time and my kids get frustrated.
Frankly, the first time he doesn’t get picked up on time is the last time he will miss your call.
Also, just text. Don’t call. Calling is strange. He will see the text messages, especially if there are several.

My rule has always been that if I am paying for the phone and I call, my kid is obligated to answer. If they don’t then they don’t get to have a phone paid for by me. So yes I’d take the phone.

Go into the contacts and set your contact to emergency bypass so that it always rings.

There is a balance here. You do want your kid to ignore the phone at times and not be tethered to it. But if he is ignoring you while actively using the phone, that is different.
In my mind, the purpose of my kids having phones is so they can reach me, not the other way around. I rarely have an emergency that would require my kids' presence. I am an adult, I handle it. If I communicate a change of plans and they ignore it, then that's natural consequences, they may be stuck waiting somewhere.
If he is supposed to communicate with you at certain times (like where he is going) and does not do that, I think grounding or taking away the phone for a period of time is appropriate.

Take the phone away. Your kid is 12. They shouldn’t have one for access to TikTok and YouTube anyways.

They need to set their do not disturb so it always answers you.

My kid gets 1000s of text messages the group chats with kids are out of control . Feel fortunate that your kid is grounded enough and stable enough to mute all that noise. Show him how to wet the do not disturb.

My DC 12 years old constantly mutes the phone and I am unable to reach them when I need to. Have told multiple times and no effect. What consequences to give? Would taking away the phone be too drastic? I don't see the point of my kid having a phone if I cannot reach them when I need to. DC uses it just to play games, watch tiktok, youtube shorts and text friends but the original reason for getting the phone was for emergency purposes.