Anonymous
06/14/2025 10:43
Subject: Getting my ADHD kids to do anything without me yelling
There are some good suggestions here.
We did the break it down into steps and at one point I also put suggested times. So if bedtime is at 8:30, teeth brushed by 8:35. pjs on by 8:40. Reading books until 8:55. That sort of thing so that the time doesn’t just sort of flow away. I do it myself when I am getting ready for work — 5 min for makeup, 10 min for clothes, 10 minutes for hair, etc.
Another thing that works is to say “Rememver it is your turn to unload dishwasher. What time do you want to do it? Okay, I will set na alarm for that time to remind us.” If you give them choice and time to mentally prepare (even for little tasks), it results in much less yelling.
We did the break it down into steps and at one point I also put suggested times. So if bedtime is at 8:30, teeth brushed by 8:35. pjs on by 8:40. Reading books until 8:55. That sort of thing so that the time doesn’t just sort of flow away. I do it myself when I am getting ready for work — 5 min for makeup, 10 min for clothes, 10 minutes for hair, etc.
Another thing that works is to say “Rememver it is your turn to unload dishwasher. What time do you want to do it? Okay, I will set na alarm for that time to remind us.” If you give them choice and time to mentally prepare (even for little tasks), it results in much less yelling.
Anonymous
06/14/2025 10:37
Subject: Getting my ADHD kids to do anything without me yelling
We spent my son's childhood yelling at him. He has severe inattentive ADHD and even with meds, it wasn't pretty. Thankfully his brain matured during adolescence and now as a young adult he's a lot more attentive... without meds, which is kind of miraculous.
Anonymous
06/14/2025 10:28
Subject: Getting my ADHD kids to do anything without me yelling
Anonymous wrote:Six and five year old have hyperactive type and inattentive type respectively. The five year old especially cannot do anything I ask without me body doubling or yelling. I hate yelling and don't want to be this mom but honestly I don't know to do anymore. I can ask him 200 times to get his pajamas on and unless I raise my voice or stand next to him and walk him through it he just won't do it.
Is this something that gets better with time? With medication? We've tried a reminder/task chart with limited success. If people say I need to body double him and that's appropriate then I'll do that, I just worry I'm giving up on him building these skills if I do that for him with everything.
Thank you.
I have NT kids and they wouldn’t be able to get the PJs on by themselves at those ages. They needed it to be part of an extended bedtime routine where calm begins 30 min beforehand, and parents are actively involved. It wasn’t until my kids were 10 that I could just tell them to go and get their PJs on.
Anonymous
06/14/2025 10:14
Subject: Getting my ADHD kids to do anything without me yelling
Anonymous wrote:PP here. Oh, i read your final paragraph one more time.
Specifically on bedtime or independence, here is what is working.
For independently doing a life routine, that is coming with age. For the absolute first time ever, my 10.5yo got it. End of school year, it was the first times he reliably got stuff done. Like a light switch. He isn’t medicated since he actually has hyperfocus (and not hyperactive). We could consider it later, but he’s functioning well enough at school.
For bedtime, a lot of the routine goes like this—
“I’m going to set a 5 minute timer. I’m going to check that you have brushed your teeth when it goes. Did you hear me? (Repeat sometimes) Starting.. now!” (It helps that it’s the same phrase every night. Once they do “hear” me, they’re like “yeah, yeah brush my teeth.”
And they don’t rush off to do it. Which is the beautiful part. I now have 4-5 minutes to step away. Whereas I used to stand over them and be like “do it now!”
I sometimes distantly and pleasantly shout a little reminder. “1 minute left!” I hear them scramble to start, lol.
Or, the timer rings. I let them hear the volume. I don’t stop it on my phone as I approach. “It’s ringing. I’m coming to check that you have brushed your teeth” I say as I walk slowly, giving them some mercy as I hear them scramble again to do the right thing.
Sometimes excuses, “I didn’t start, I was …” I usually hand out mercy, but sometimes it’s a light bop on the butt (sports style, not a spank). Maybe “Ok, I’ll set a 2 minute timer this time.”
I can sometimes get angry here, but it’s like 10% of the time. Usually, it’s me being able to walk away in peace for those 5m and that helps.
When done, I say it again for pajamas.
I say it again for “last drink, last pee and in bee.”
You could do it again for quiet playtime, etc.
The time isn’t giving them 5 minutes, it’s giving me and DH time to not stand over them. It used to bug him that they didn’t start right away. But that’s the point.
Thanks!!
That’s way too much prompting for a 10 yo.
Anonymous
06/14/2025 09:46
Subject: Getting my ADHD kids to do anything without me yelling
I would just not worry to much that they aren’t learning independence. They are both very young. The difference between 5/6 and 10 is huge- they will mature and get there. I’d do whatever is best for your relationship- sounds like that’s body doubling for now. But it really won’t be forever.
We also do checklists- my kids love checking a box. I think your six year old might be able to use one. But the steps are waaaay broken down. Like take off pajama shirt. Take off pajama pants. Put on school shirt. Put on school pants. We did this recently when mornings were getting bad for my 7 year old, because he was outgrowing the body doubling and wanting more space. He would get a point for each box that he did with out a reminder and would earn prizes (extra screen time, you all can come at me but it works) for roughly 2-3 days worth of checklists. I was worried that we were going to have to do that forever but now he just gets ready. No check list or prizes. Very proud of him.
We also do checklists- my kids love checking a box. I think your six year old might be able to use one. But the steps are waaaay broken down. Like take off pajama shirt. Take off pajama pants. Put on school shirt. Put on school pants. We did this recently when mornings were getting bad for my 7 year old, because he was outgrowing the body doubling and wanting more space. He would get a point for each box that he did with out a reminder and would earn prizes (extra screen time, you all can come at me but it works) for roughly 2-3 days worth of checklists. I was worried that we were going to have to do that forever but now he just gets ready. No check list or prizes. Very proud of him.
Anonymous
06/14/2025 09:38
Subject: Getting my ADHD kids to do anything without me yelling
Anonymous wrote:Some kids need more than a task chart. Like for bedtime, instead of just a task chart in a hallway, you can hang up instructions for each task at the location where he does it (ideally with pictures). Like a sign in the bathroom with the steps of toothbrushing broken down. Also there are lots of visual timers designed for kids with ADHD.
Combining this sort of thing with rewards helps as well, whatever their currency is. A trick I use is that every time my kid does what I ask, when I ask, I put a crafting pom pom in a jar. When the jar is full, we go to the store and she can pick out a new book or toy. It's very visual (the pom poms are colorful) and an easy way to "catch her being good."
I'd also look at you schedule and see if there are pinch points you can avoid. We try to avoid scheduling tasks our ADHDer is resistant to right after tasks she really enjoys. So for instance, she has to get totally ready for bed right after dinner (pajamas, teeth brushed, room straightened). THEN she can play or read or watch TV, or whatever her leisure activity is that night. That way when it's time for bed, we don't have to get her through a whole routine. In the mornings, we frontload the hard stuff (getting dressed, packing bag, even putting on shoes) before breakfast. We keep a toothbrush in the small bathroom near the front door so she can do that right before we leave.
I also seek to reduce decision making as much as possible. She wears outfits on a rotation and the next outfit is always hung up at the front of her closet on school days (she wears a uniform, which helps a lot). She eats the same packed lunch daily, and the items are in numbered containers she eats in order. That kind of thing.
It's a lot of work, but we have seen good improvement over the last few years, and I rarely have to physically dress her or just pick her up and move her through these tasks as I did when she was 5 /6. And there are fewer fights and no yelling.
We also do a Pom Pom jar
love it
Anonymous
06/14/2025 07:44
Subject: Getting my ADHD kids to do anything without me yelling
Anonymous wrote:I think you need to body double him for now. I'm sorry, I know it's really hard. You need to accept, on a deep level, that you are parenting a child with a disability that is, for now at least, pretty significant.
5 and 6 re really tough ages for ADHD.
Agreed. At this age that's what you need to do. It does get better when the kid is old enough for checklists and rewards.
Anonymous
06/14/2025 07:30
Subject: Getting my ADHD kids to do anything without me yelling
Some kids need more than a task chart. Like for bedtime, instead of just a task chart in a hallway, you can hang up instructions for each task at the location where he does it (ideally with pictures). Like a sign in the bathroom with the steps of toothbrushing broken down. Also there are lots of visual timers designed for kids with ADHD.
Combining this sort of thing with rewards helps as well, whatever their currency is. A trick I use is that every time my kid does what I ask, when I ask, I put a crafting pom pom in a jar. When the jar is full, we go to the store and she can pick out a new book or toy. It's very visual (the pom poms are colorful) and an easy way to "catch her being good."
I'd also look at you schedule and see if there are pinch points you can avoid. We try to avoid scheduling tasks our ADHDer is resistant to right after tasks she really enjoys. So for instance, she has to get totally ready for bed right after dinner (pajamas, teeth brushed, room straightened). THEN she can play or read or watch TV, or whatever her leisure activity is that night. That way when it's time for bed, we don't have to get her through a whole routine. In the mornings, we frontload the hard stuff (getting dressed, packing bag, even putting on shoes) before breakfast. We keep a toothbrush in the small bathroom near the front door so she can do that right before we leave.
I also seek to reduce decision making as much as possible. She wears outfits on a rotation and the next outfit is always hung up at the front of her closet on school days (she wears a uniform, which helps a lot). She eats the same packed lunch daily, and the items are in numbered containers she eats in order. That kind of thing.
It's a lot of work, but we have seen good improvement over the last few years, and I rarely have to physically dress her or just pick her up and move her through these tasks as I did when she was 5 /6. And there are fewer fights and no yelling.
Combining this sort of thing with rewards helps as well, whatever their currency is. A trick I use is that every time my kid does what I ask, when I ask, I put a crafting pom pom in a jar. When the jar is full, we go to the store and she can pick out a new book or toy. It's very visual (the pom poms are colorful) and an easy way to "catch her being good."
I'd also look at you schedule and see if there are pinch points you can avoid. We try to avoid scheduling tasks our ADHDer is resistant to right after tasks she really enjoys. So for instance, she has to get totally ready for bed right after dinner (pajamas, teeth brushed, room straightened). THEN she can play or read or watch TV, or whatever her leisure activity is that night. That way when it's time for bed, we don't have to get her through a whole routine. In the mornings, we frontload the hard stuff (getting dressed, packing bag, even putting on shoes) before breakfast. We keep a toothbrush in the small bathroom near the front door so she can do that right before we leave.
I also seek to reduce decision making as much as possible. She wears outfits on a rotation and the next outfit is always hung up at the front of her closet on school days (she wears a uniform, which helps a lot). She eats the same packed lunch daily, and the items are in numbered containers she eats in order. That kind of thing.
It's a lot of work, but we have seen good improvement over the last few years, and I rarely have to physically dress her or just pick her up and move her through these tasks as I did when she was 5 /6. And there are fewer fights and no yelling.
Anonymous
06/14/2025 07:12
Subject: Getting my ADHD kids to do anything without me yelling
Visual cues - for bedtime, pic of a kid in a bathtub, pic of PJs, pic of tooth brush, then Pic of reading a book, then Pic of child in bed asleep.
Stick to a routine, set a timer, be calm and repeat the same thing: time for bath (sternly and without emotion while pointing to the visual chart).
Also, social stories:
Read a story of a kid who has a fun day and then does their full bed time routine, says I love you mom before drifting off to sleep, wakes up happy and refreshed and has another great day.
You can write the social story/make the visual cues yourself
Stick to a routine, set a timer, be calm and repeat the same thing: time for bath (sternly and without emotion while pointing to the visual chart).
Also, social stories:
Read a story of a kid who has a fun day and then does their full bed time routine, says I love you mom before drifting off to sleep, wakes up happy and refreshed and has another great day.
You can write the social story/make the visual cues yourself
Anonymous
06/13/2025 22:43
Subject: Getting my ADHD kids to do anything without me yelling
PP here. Oh, i read your final paragraph one more time.
Specifically on bedtime or independence, here is what is working.
For independently doing a life routine, that is coming with age. For the absolute first time ever, my 10.5yo got it. End of school year, it was the first times he reliably got stuff done. Like a light switch. He isn’t medicated since he actually has hyperfocus (and not hyperactive). We could consider it later, but he’s functioning well enough at school.
For bedtime, a lot of the routine goes like this—
“I’m going to set a 5 minute timer. I’m going to check that you have brushed your teeth when it goes. Did you hear me? (Repeat sometimes) Starting.. now!” (It helps that it’s the same phrase every night. Once they do “hear” me, they’re like “yeah, yeah brush my teeth.”
And they don’t rush off to do it. Which is the beautiful part. I now have 4-5 minutes to step away. Whereas I used to stand over them and be like “do it now!”
I sometimes distantly and pleasantly shout a little reminder. “1 minute left!” I hear them scramble to start, lol.
Or, the timer rings. I let them hear the volume. I don’t stop it on my phone as I approach. “It’s ringing. I’m coming to check that you have brushed your teeth” I say as I walk slowly, giving them some mercy as I hear them scramble again to do the right thing.
Sometimes excuses, “I didn’t start, I was …” I usually hand out mercy, but sometimes it’s a light bop on the butt (sports style, not a spank). Maybe “Ok, I’ll set a 2 minute timer this time.”
I can sometimes get angry here, but it’s like 10% of the time. Usually, it’s me being able to walk away in peace for those 5m and that helps.
When done, I say it again for pajamas.
I say it again for “last drink, last pee and in bee.”
You could do it again for quiet playtime, etc.
The time isn’t giving them 5 minutes, it’s giving me and DH time to not stand over them. It used to bug him that they didn’t start right away. But that’s the point.
Thanks!!
Specifically on bedtime or independence, here is what is working.
For independently doing a life routine, that is coming with age. For the absolute first time ever, my 10.5yo got it. End of school year, it was the first times he reliably got stuff done. Like a light switch. He isn’t medicated since he actually has hyperfocus (and not hyperactive). We could consider it later, but he’s functioning well enough at school.
For bedtime, a lot of the routine goes like this—
“I’m going to set a 5 minute timer. I’m going to check that you have brushed your teeth when it goes. Did you hear me? (Repeat sometimes) Starting.. now!” (It helps that it’s the same phrase every night. Once they do “hear” me, they’re like “yeah, yeah brush my teeth.”
And they don’t rush off to do it. Which is the beautiful part. I now have 4-5 minutes to step away. Whereas I used to stand over them and be like “do it now!”
I sometimes distantly and pleasantly shout a little reminder. “1 minute left!” I hear them scramble to start, lol.
Or, the timer rings. I let them hear the volume. I don’t stop it on my phone as I approach. “It’s ringing. I’m coming to check that you have brushed your teeth” I say as I walk slowly, giving them some mercy as I hear them scramble again to do the right thing.
Sometimes excuses, “I didn’t start, I was …” I usually hand out mercy, but sometimes it’s a light bop on the butt (sports style, not a spank). Maybe “Ok, I’ll set a 2 minute timer this time.”
I can sometimes get angry here, but it’s like 10% of the time. Usually, it’s me being able to walk away in peace for those 5m and that helps.
When done, I say it again for pajamas.
I say it again for “last drink, last pee and in bee.”
You could do it again for quiet playtime, etc.
The time isn’t giving them 5 minutes, it’s giving me and DH time to not stand over them. It used to bug him that they didn’t start right away. But that’s the point.
Thanks!!
Anonymous
06/13/2025 22:37
Subject: Getting my ADHD kids to do anything without me yelling
Impossible.
Anonymous
06/13/2025 22:33
Subject: Getting my ADHD kids to do anything without me yelling
I think you need to body double him for now. I'm sorry, I know it's really hard. You need to accept, on a deep level, that you are parenting a child with a disability that is, for now at least, pretty significant.
5 and 6 re really tough ages for ADHD.
5 and 6 re really tough ages for ADHD.
Anonymous
06/13/2025 22:31
Subject: Getting my ADHD kids to do anything without me yelling
My 10yo im almost there. He’s reasoning a lot better, and it’s helped that he has been seeing a play therapist to get some outside perspective. (He’s an angel there, she sees the best side of him, he also realized people will listen to him—including her, including us.)
My 8yo, it’s so hard. I avoid yelling bc I think it is less effective but many times I need the volume. I can’t get their attention (together, it’s an issue) even getting close to them. That’s my one tip—physically walk closer to them and get “in their face” (not rude “in their face” — I mean where they know you are speaking to them.)
I feel like this was written poorly. Sorry. I don’t have more energy to fix it.
My 8yo, it’s so hard. I avoid yelling bc I think it is less effective but many times I need the volume. I can’t get their attention (together, it’s an issue) even getting close to them. That’s my one tip—physically walk closer to them and get “in their face” (not rude “in their face” — I mean where they know you are speaking to them.)
I feel like this was written poorly. Sorry. I don’t have more energy to fix it.
Anonymous
06/13/2025 22:25
Subject: Getting my ADHD kids to do anything without me yelling
It gets better with time and maturity. Now I only yell a few times a day instead of many times. DCs are 14 and 12, one ADHD hyperactivity and one ADHD inattentive.
Anonymous
06/13/2025 22:18
Subject: Getting my ADHD kids to do anything without me yelling
Six and five year old have hyperactive type and inattentive type respectively. The five year old especially cannot do anything I ask without me body doubling or yelling. I hate yelling and don't want to be this mom but honestly I don't know to do anymore. I can ask him 200 times to get his pajamas on and unless I raise my voice or stand next to him and walk him through it he just won't do it.
Is this something that gets better with time? With medication? We've tried a reminder/task chart with limited success. If people say I need to body double him and that's appropriate then I'll do that, I just worry I'm giving up on him building these skills if I do that for him with everything.
Thank you.
Is this something that gets better with time? With medication? We've tried a reminder/task chart with limited success. If people say I need to body double him and that's appropriate then I'll do that, I just worry I'm giving up on him building these skills if I do that for him with everything.
Thank you.