Anonymous wrote:You can’t control their feelings. Your spouse can just hint that this time around your parents get a turn spending a birthday with your family.

Yes this should be a spouse issue. Not yours

I don’t get it. In our case, we would just take everyone to dinner the night before or something.

You can’t control their feelings. Your spouse can just hint that this time around your parents get a turn spending a birthday with your family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're making a big deal about it. They're not little kids. Let it go and don't bring up. Go low key. Don't be a drama lama.

I don't think I am being particularly dramatic about it, I just don't want them to be mad at us but it's also my kids birthday and they should have a say in how we celebrate it instead of my in-laws insisting on visiting on their birthdays.

NP. It is rather dramatic that you want both to have your way AND control their feelings. They’re going to be mad, upset, disappointed, whatever. Grow up. Accept that. Own it. You’re not in charge of their feelings or reaction.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invite them to a family dinner at a casual restaurant, but say unfortunately you can’t host overnight guests, but there’s a Microtel nearby and you’d be happy to have them over for muffins and coffee the next morning at your house before they hit the road.

There; they’re invited, but you are making it clear you can’t host them overnight. Up to them whether they accept a perfectly nice invitation.

I would not do this. This is unnecessarily passive aggressive

As opposed to pouting about not being able to see kids on “THE DAY” of something?

OP does not need to respond in kind. She wants to de-escalate.

They are adults. They can manage their own feelings. You don't have to do that for them. Just let them be upset, sad, whatever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invite them to a family dinner at a casual restaurant, but say unfortunately you can’t host overnight guests, but there’s a Microtel nearby and you’d be happy to have them over for muffins and coffee the next morning at your house before they hit the road.

There; they’re invited, but you are making it clear you can’t host them overnight. Up to them whether they accept a perfectly nice invitation.

I would not do this. This is unnecessarily passive aggressive

As opposed to pouting about not being able to see kids on “THE DAY” of something?

Anonymous wrote:Invite them to a family dinner at a casual restaurant, but say unfortunately you can’t host overnight guests, but there’s a Microtel nearby and you’d be happy to have them over for muffins and coffee the next morning at your house before they hit the road.

There; they’re invited, but you are making it clear you can’t host them overnight. Up to them whether they accept a perfectly nice invitation.

OP here, I know you mean well, but I would never, ever do this. I hope you're a troll!

Anonymous wrote:You're making a big deal about it. They're not little kids. Let it go and don't bring up. Go low key. Don't be a drama lama.

I don't think I am being particularly dramatic about it, I just don't want them to be mad at us but it's also my kids birthday and they should have a say in how we celebrate it instead of my in-laws insisting on visiting on their birthdays.

Anonymous wrote:Invite them to a family dinner at a casual restaurant, but say unfortunately you can’t host overnight guests, but there’s a Microtel nearby and you’d be happy to have them over for muffins and coffee the next morning at your house before they hit the road.

There; they’re invited, but you are making it clear you can’t host them overnight. Up to them whether they accept a perfectly nice invitation.

I would not do this. This is unnecessarily passive aggressive

There is nothing you can do. Accept they will be upset, and invite them with good spirits when it's convenient. Their hurt feelings are on them. It's your kids' birthday, not theirs

Invite them to a family dinner at a casual restaurant, but say unfortunately you can’t host overnight guests, but there’s a Microtel nearby and you’d be happy to have them over for muffins and coffee the next morning at your house before they hit the road.

There; they’re invited, but you are making it clear you can’t host them overnight. Up to them whether they accept a perfectly nice invitation.

You're making a big deal about it. They're not little kids. Let it go and don't bring up. Go low key. Don't be a drama lama.

And before someone jumps on me for allowing my parents to visit during a birthday - they visit once a year for over a month from overseas and also have to work around my siblings' schedules and visiting other relatives up and down the east coast so it's a little more complicated. This year, that happened to be around one child's birthday.

My in-laws live a few hours a day and like to visit on or around the kids birthdays. I don't love having them on the kids' birthdays because it kind of ruins the day to have to cater to them instead of the birthday child (this year my teen was gracious and kind all day but later expressed that she wished they'd visited another day and we could have just had a family dinner). This year, my own parents will be in town from overseas for two weeks and my pre-teen's birthday falls in the middle of that and my in-laws are very upset that they can't visit on or within a few days of her b-day. Any recommendations on how to help smooth things over and maybe reset expectations for future years especially as the kids get older and want to do their own thing on their birthdays?