Anonymous wrote:Lots of couples and lots of cultures in lots of countries have extravagant weddings. It is not an American phenomenon. Also, lots of folks decide not to have a fancy wedding. They’re not judged for that either - generally speaking.

It’s only on websites such as this, where everyone is so competitive and such a striver that you see posts like this. Strivers gets so angry when they realize they cannot compete, so they post this kind of bullshit.

Yeah, but in those cultures there isn't massive price gouging like what they do to couples here in the US.

My anecdote: DH and I had a simple wedding. I would say we have a happy marriage. We are on year 32.

Lots of couples and lots of cultures in lots of countries have extravagant weddings. It is not an American phenomenon. Also, lots of folks decide not to have a fancy wedding. They’re not judged for that either - generally speaking.

It’s only on websites such as this, where everyone is so competitive and such a striver that you see posts like this. Strivers gets so angry when they realize they cannot compete, so they post this kind of bullshit.

A lot of this is brainwashing.

I'm glad I had a very simple wedding.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do it because its part of our culture.

And we save for it like we save for college.

Though, TBH, we could have a fabulous wedding with a huge guestlist and wonderful food,drink, entertainment, clothes etc....on a budget too. We are fabulous about putting on a great show with very little because our community will help us out.

^^ continuing
- Parents (or parents adjacent people like - elder siblings, uncles, aunts, grandparents) pay for the wedding.
- Wedding is all about the guests, relatives and friends. You don't cater to bride's and groom's idiosyncrasies.
- You start saving for the wedding from the time the child is born. Just like you save for college.
- You should only throw the wedding that you can easily afford.
- Its perfectly fine to have a simple or a small wedding. However, what is not ok is to have lousy food or lack in hospitality or anything that inconveniences the guests.

These days, many parents don't pay for weddings at all. That's because the vast majority of Americans don't even have enough savings to cover an emergency $3000 expense. No, many, many couples themselves are on the hook for paying for their own wedding.

Get out of your sheltered, privileged bubble more.

US wedding culture is stupid. And even of parents pay, it's still dumb. They should be using it to pay off their own mortgages earlier or for their own retirement investments.

We had a nice wedding in my home country that was a fraction of what it could cost in the US. Probably would have been 6 figures here

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do it because its part of our culture.

And we save for it like we save for college.

Though, TBH, we could have a fabulous wedding with a huge guestlist and wonderful food,drink, entertainment, clothes etc....on a budget too. We are fabulous about putting on a great show with very little because our community will help us out.

+1 I'm Indian-American and wonder if this PP is too

No one needs to have a crazy expensive wedding if they can't afford it. It's like anything else - buying a big house or fancy car or luxury vacation

There was a study showing ppl who elope are more likely to get divorced. Obviously it's mostly correlation with various extraneous factors. But having a manage a budget, preferences of extended family vs the couple, role of religion, compromising on location etc - there is some meaningful conflict negotiation and relationship discussion in the midst.

Lol, this is some major cope.

That would be like saying that buying an expensive house is a sign that somebody is going to be wealthy. After all, they must have high executive functioning to keep up with the various maintenance items and will be pushed to generate a high income because of the payments. In reality, few things inhibit actual wealth creation as much as high housing costs.

Indians have big weddings because they like to show off. Oh, and I’m Indian too.

It really depends on who you are, OP, and therefore, who you associate with and what social media mirrors back to you. Most people are never going to see whatever you're talking about, because that's not who they run with and it won't be in their feeds.

Always remember that your social media isn't someone else's social media.

I had a lovely, black tie, DC wedding. We tried to keep it simple, but still had 120 people. I definitely skipped a lot of things: flowers (other than my bouquet), no kids (we didn't know any though, we got married young). But we had a beautiful venue, open bar, good food and dancing. No regrets and we definitely have the best marriage I know of. We had family coming from far away, so we couldn't just have appetizers. When people spend a lot of time and money to come to your wedding, it's cheap to not have a bar and real food.

Anecdotal, but the worst marriages I know were courthouse weddings and destination weddings.

Anonymous wrote:We do it because its part of our culture.

And we save for it like we save for college.

Though, TBH, we could have a fabulous wedding with a huge guestlist and wonderful food,drink, entertainment, clothes etc....on a budget too. We are fabulous about putting on a great show with very little because our community will help us out.

+1 I'm Indian-American and wonder if this PP is too

No one needs to have a crazy expensive wedding if they can't afford it. It's like anything else - buying a big house or fancy car or luxury vacation

There was a study showing ppl who elope are more likely to get divorced. Obviously it's mostly correlation with various extraneous factors. But having a manage a budget, preferences of extended family vs the couple, role of religion, compromising on location etc - there is some meaningful conflict negotiation and relationship discussion in the midst.

There is no corelation between simple weddings and happier marriages.

If your simple wedding has happened because you are poor AF or you are not a person who wants to spend on your guests (destination wedding, asking for a color themed dress code, paid bar, insane requests from guests) ....you are going to be unhappily married. Poverty and/or selfishness is a curse.

Anonymous wrote:We do it because its part of our culture.

And we save for it like we save for college.

Though, TBH, we could have a fabulous wedding with a huge guestlist and wonderful food,drink, entertainment, clothes etc....on a budget too. We are fabulous about putting on a great show with very little because our community will help us out.

^^ continuing
- Parents (or parents adjacent people like - elder siblings, uncles, aunts, grandparents) pay for the wedding.
- Wedding is all about the guests, relatives and friends. You don't cater to bride's and groom's idiosyncrasies.
- You start saving for the wedding from the time the child is born. Just like you save for college.
- You should only throw the wedding that you can easily afford.
- Its perfectly fine to have a simple or a small wedding. However, what is not ok is to have lousy food or lack in hospitality or anything that inconveniences the guests.

We do it because its part of our culture.

And we save for it like we save for college.

Though, TBH, we could have a fabulous wedding with a huge guestlist and wonderful food,drink, entertainment, clothes etc....on a budget too. We are fabulous about putting on a great show with very little because our community will help us out.

American weddings are dumb AF. How many other places in the world out pressure on young couples to go horrifically into debt for a stupid ass wedding? Between debt for the ring to having to shell out $10-20k for booze, wedding culture in the US is so illogical and stupid. They gouge the crap out of new couple and charge 3x the price for horrible food, just because it is a wedding.

We did a courthouse wedding, went to a $250 dinner, and are still married 20 years later. Zero debt and were able to buy a house because of it.

The demand for extravagant weddings has skyrocketed due to social media pressure, making these events more about showcasing wealth than celebrating love.

Why our weddings less about personal celebrations and more about fueling an entire industry worth billions?

Wedding planners, caterers, designers, photographers, alcohol and venues etc charge exorbitant prices because weddings are painted as a 'once-in-a-lifetime' event.

Couples, even middle-class ones, stretch their finances to ‘keep up’ with societal expectations, sometimes taking on heavy loans. Sometimes bride's parents ruin their retirement.

Why more couples don't push for simpler, meaningful weddings that focus on the relationship rather than the grand spectacle?