Yes, most people at this stage of life can afford to buy whatever they want & usually gifts 🎁 are regarded as just extra clutter.
The only people who really get excited over gifts are typically kids.

But if giving gifts stresses you out this much - it might be best if you simply bow out of these birthday get togethers since there is no polite way to tell someone that you do not like giving gifts……

Our group does bday cards and picks up the tab for the birthday girl(s) meal and drinks.

Booze.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't struggle with it. I am happy my friends are alive another year and happy to celebrate them. I have reminders in my phone for six weeks before each person's birthday, plus a list in calendar order of each person's birthday.

A gift card is super impersonal. That's what you give the receptionist at your office. Not what you give a longtime friend (especially one who remembers your birthday each year).

Yes but I'd argue that a Harry and David gift basket is almost equally as impersonal, especially if it's the same one every year.

100% agree with this - and it is perishable. The things - wine, fine chocolates are only good gifts if the recipient wants them.

Since you all get together for someone's birthday I would suggest you all split the bill for the birthday person and that's that.

Anonymous wrote:I don't struggle with it. I am happy my friends are alive another year and happy to celebrate them. I have reminders in my phone for six weeks before each person's birthday, plus a list in calendar order of each person's birthday.

A gift card is super impersonal. That's what you give the receptionist at your office. Not what you give a longtime friend (especially one who remembers your birthday each year).

Yes but I'd argue that a Harry and David gift basket is almost equally as impersonal, especially if it's the same one every year.

We stopped doing gifts.

No one wants more stuff.

Send them a gift from Adam & Eve…
https://www.adameve.com/

I don't struggle with it. I am happy my friends are alive another year and happy to celebrate them. I have reminders in my phone for six weeks before each person's birthday, plus a list in calendar order of each person's birthday.

A gift card is super impersonal. That's what you give the receptionist at your office. Not what you give a longtime friend (especially one who remembers your birthday each year).

-Bottle of veuve
-Nice scarf or nice gloves or hat depending on season
-fancy stationary and/or pen
-indulgent chocolates

Can you revisit the gift giving rules of this group? sometimes these things become habit. You could suggest something like that you treat the birthday person or you do a group gift of some set dollar amount.

If others like gift giving and you like participating in these get togethers. I would just go with it. I think a gift card is fine! Sometimes, I will buy several gift cards at once (Target or Amazon) that I know I will spend if I don't give them away.

My adult friends get together 4-5x a year, usually for birthdays. Some of the girls I don’t talk to or see unless we get together. One of these girls sends me a harry and David gift box every year. She doesn’t have kids or family and when we got together for her birthday I was unprepared and didn’t have a gift for her. Am I obligated to gift people back for their birthdays? I feel so strange to be given a birthday gift at age 45, we can buy ourselves whatever we need. I gave her a card and flowers but I feel so strange. I have another such event today and have to run to the store to get a $50 gift card. Does anyone struggle with these things? Do I need to announce to these people to stop doing gifts? It’s stressing me out. I’m probably a little neurodivergent so be kind. I worry about things that most people don’t.