I have a kid like yours and they are still in the process of making friends in college as a freshman. It is getting better with time. Ironically I think not having super close friends in HS makes a college transition somewhat easier in many ways as they are used to finding their own way a bit. One major advantage of college is students tend to pursue their interests versus just keeping up with the crowd in HS so your son may be more likely to make genuine interest based friendships.

One suggestion I have (based on experience) is refrain from talking about how great college is and how you met your best friends there, etc. Maybe talk about how it will take time to get to know people and clubs/campus jobs are a great way to do that.

During move in, explore the campus with him and find a couple hang out spots on campus so he knows where he can go to get out of his dorm if he's by himself. And maybe plan to attend parents weekend or a sporting event, during the fall.

Good luck to your student!!

Are any of the kids mentioned in the success stories on the autism spectrum? My kid has just a few friends in H.S. and never goes out socially. He recently asked to be tested for autism, in large part because of his social anxiety. I am hopeful for college, but also worried.

Anonymous wrote:^ Had another thought I noticed this year. My kid went to a different high school than most of his former K-8 classmates that mostly all continue on to the same high school. Those relationships are long and deep. Based on people I know, they seem to have struggled more in college as the bar is so high. Many staying in close touch with kids from home and taking longer to adjust.

I have a son w a very tight group of friends from k-12. I can attest to what you wrote. He hasn’t found a tight group at college yet.

^ Had another thought I noticed this year. My kid went to a different high school than most of his former K-8 classmates that mostly all continue on to the same high school. Those relationships are long and deep. Based on people I know, they seem to have struggled more in college as the bar is so high. Many staying in close touch with kids from home and taking longer to adjust.

Mine didn’t allow himself to have any social time until senior year, complete grinder that worked through lunch until then. Is well-liked and social, but not a partier. Had a nice group of girls and boys at end, didn’t really stay in touch much in college though.

College has been good, has found people he likes. More options for like-minded peers. Still social, but also super focused on academics, and needs the typical introvert recharge from time to time.

My daughter as well. College is a new world for her socially, very happy and found lots of close friends. Your son sounds like a great guy!

My DS was exactly like your son. Did not have a huge group of friends in high school- didn’t party or drink- too academics very seriously. He found a truly wonderful friend group in college- definitely his people. He just finished his freshman year and has 5 great friends that he is getting an apartment with next year. He is so much happier in college. I’m sure your son will find his people too!

Yes - my DS didn't have a close group in HS (also across COVID years) - just a couple guys he talked to. He is an introvert and intellectual - also not a partier. In college, he made a large group of close male/female friends within weeks (via classes, dorm, and clubs) and does a lot with them. It's been so wonderful to see him so socially active.

OP, just wanted to say that your child sounds like a great kid.

Anonymous wrote:This was my daughter. High school was not great and then interrupted by the pandemic, she never returned. She just graduated last weekend from a small liberal arts college with a great group of friends!

What school?

This was my daughter. High school was not great and then interrupted by the pandemic, she never returned. She just graduated last weekend from a small liberal arts college with a great group of friends!

I was kind of like this. I was pretty popular in middle school then as HS rolled along had lots of OK friends but not a lot of close friends - talked to people in school but wasn't invited to do a lot outside of school. I was on the quieter side.

I went to a pretty social school and found my niche. I wasn't a party animal but went to lots of parties, plenty of friends, good social life. I continued to kind of float between several groups but I was OK with that. Overall a very good college experience.

High schools aren't huge so sometimes a kid just doesn't find their group, but if they choose the right school and put themselves out there to try to meet people early on, they will do fine.

Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone have a son who didn't really find a close peer group in high school but then in college found close friends?

Son has some not so close mainly girls he occasionally does things with but isn’t part of the main group. Same with boys -talks to kids at school, showed me yearbook and other seniors said some nice things but he never had a best friend or guy group. He used to be sporty but was injured in 9th grade, he isn’t awkward but more of a listener than a talker. He also doesn’t party.

Similar situation here, just reverse the genders. College has been an amazing surprise and DC has a group of five now that are close. Don’t “party” or do Greek but have fun at university or church sponsored social events, in between hitting the books pretty hard. All made Deans List.

It can happen! Just encourage your son to put himself out there a bit and don’t be afraid to say “that’s not for me” and move on. He will find his people.

[fwiw, DC is at a midsized OOS public]

So glad to hear your daughter found her group!

Anonymous wrote:Anyone have a son who didn't really find a close peer group in high school but then in college found close friends?

Son has some not so close mainly girls he occasionally does things with but isn’t part of the main group. Same with boys -talks to kids at school, showed me yearbook and other seniors said some nice things but he never had a best friend or guy group. He used to be sporty but was injured in 9th grade, he isn’t awkward but more of a listener than a talker. He also doesn’t party.

Similar situation here, just reverse the genders. College has been an amazing surprise and DC has a group of five now that are close. Don’t “party” or do Greek but have fun at university or church sponsored social events, in between hitting the books pretty hard. All made Deans List.

It can happen! Just encourage your son to put himself out there a bit and don’t be afraid to say “that’s not for me” and move on. He will find his people.

[fwiw, DC is at a midsized OOS public]

Anyone have a son who didn't really find a close peer group in high school but then in college found close friends?

Son has some not so close mainly girls he occasionally does things with but isn’t part of the main group. Same with boys -talks to kids at school, showed me yearbook and other seniors said some nice things but he never had a best friend or guy group. He used to be sporty but was injured in 9th grade, he isn’t awkward but more of a listener than a talker. He also doesn’t party.