Hah- I find myself looking to see if other 50+ women are suffering from saggy jowls (because I am!). I was doing that in the stands at a track meet today!

No one is staring.

I have a lot of love for my friends, bigger or smaller, older or grayer. So, I usually lead with compliments.

Anonymous wrote:There’s one woman I work with who does this and it’s really unpleasant. She’ll make comments 20% of the time so I feel like I’m always bracing myself for her latest observation.

She’s constantly changing her appearance (work on her face, major makeup style changes, changing hair color but keeping to natural shades) in a way that is unnerving if you see her frequently, so I probably stare sometimes, too.

Replying to myself. I wanted to chime in on this thread so so badly during a meeting today! The woman I was talking about was squinting into her phone at the start of the meeting to look something up and with zero self-awareness said “it doesn’t recognize me! It doesn’t know my face anymore!”. It could not have been more perfectly timed to my early post here!

If they're staring at you, it's because you've gone overboard on the work. Sometimes I truly cannot believe it, and can't stop looking because it's like looking at a real-life alien.

I full out admit I do Botox so I have not had the issue. I don’t care. I feel good about how I look so I’m not too concerned about others’ opinions. I’m not going to pretend I magically don’t age. That would be silly.

It's tiresome to go through the whole "you look great!" and "you haven't aged!" song and dance. It feels like something we are expected to do to stroke egos. It's sad that even as we get old, and you'd think should be more accepting and not care about these things, we still face so much pressure to try to meet these beauty standards that go up every year.

Anonymous wrote:I feel like that's all women do. Just got together with some friends from out of town I haven't seen since last summer. Both GF's were looking me up and down; now that I think of it, they always have- not in a bad way but annoying. So on top of the what "ails" you that goes on when you are older, it's the beauty stuff that is part of our lingo. I now find myself doing it!

I’ve never ever observed this from them. I would wonder if they’re really friends.

Yes, but it's always done covertly. A few of us even go to the same treatment centers.

No, haven't had this happen. Think it's more of a thing with UMC and wealthy women.

I wouldn't say it's "all" women do but yes, it's something women do. Especially with friends you see periodically, I can feel people checking to see if I've gained/lost weight, and some scrutiny of my face and hair for signs of aging. Sometimes you get a "wow you're looking well" which means you don't look noticeably older than last time or appear to have some positive change (procedures are not a big thing with my friend group, so it's usually a little weight loss or like a new hairstyle/color). If people notice negative changes they don't say anything.

I don't know. I think it's reflective of what people are worried about for themselves. It's my friends who talk a lot about wanting to lose weight or being unhappy with diets who are most likely to side-eye my body or comment on my weight. It's my friend panicking about gray hair who is most likely to comment on my hair. And so on. It's not really about me, it's about them. At least they don't say anything when it's negative.

I try to give compliments on hair and clothes because these tend to be less touchy subjects. I never comment on weight, either up or down, I just don't want to focus on that and also there are lots of reasons people gain or lose and I don't want to step in it. The only weight-related topic I'll get into is exercise -- I like talking to people about what active things they do for fun because I play tennis and am always looking for new hitting partners. But I try to avoid the weight aspect of this conversation. Like even if I've gained weight, I don't say "ugh I feel slower on the court because of the extra weight," even if I might think it. Because I just don't want to have a conversation about weight. It's too loaded for women. It's literally never a productive conversation.

There’s one woman I work with who does this and it’s really unpleasant. She’ll make comments 20% of the time so I feel like I’m always bracing myself for her latest observation.

She’s constantly changing her appearance (work on her face, major makeup style changes, changing hair color but keeping to natural shades) in a way that is unnerving if you see her frequently, so I probably stare sometimes, too.

I look at photos of friends and think they have aged, while forgetting that I have aged too and they must be thinking the same thing.

No. My friends never do this.

You feel like that's all women ever do? Yikes. What a way to live life.

I feel like that's all women do. Just got together with some friends from out of town I haven't seen since last summer. Both GF's were looking me up and down; now that I think of it, they always have- not in a bad way but annoying. So on top of the what "ails" you that goes on when you are older, it's the beauty stuff that is part of our lingo. I now find myself doing it!