Every one when you get down to it.

Society and civility is a facade. It disappears fast when it comes to survival.

People in the country don’t want community. That’s why they move out to the country so they don’t have neighbors.

Here you go.

Inexpensive.
Near a small town
Grocery store

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/95-Grey-Squirrel-Ln-Gallagher-WV-25083/22587570_zpid/

DCUM.

I live in the Pacific Northwest and the broader culture here does not value community in the way I have experienced in the American Midwest, the east coast, NYC, Texas, London, and much of Asia.

It’s a very interesting phenomenon that has been well-studied locally. Some believe it has to do with the area’s early Nordic immigrants, and others think that tech wealth and libertarian politics have sustained it. It affects socializing here and definitely affects civic engagement and government effectiveness.

The US is a big country. There are many ultimate goals including among the elite.

In the US, secluded private property is the ultimate goal. We place a very high premium on exclusive spaces, personal space, and privacy. Every rich person has a compound with a gate and high hedges. Ideally on a piece of land with view and no nearby neighbors.

That's how our American elites live. Thats how the aristocracy of Europe used to live.

Everyone wants "community," but for the people around here it amounts to finding someone to do my work for free. The whole "it takes a village" is code for I want someone else to do the difficult parts of child rearing and I will take the tax deduction.

A society that does it value community...clearly America.

Why do you need to be the ideal? If you’re not lonely, then simply be yourself. Ideals change. They also vary from person to person. Life is too short to chase someone else’s ideals.

Every country values community, OP, but in different ways. I grew up in European and Asian countries, who all do things according to their culture. You're never going to be hugged in Asia, but you might be kissed four times on the cheeks in my European country

The important thing to remember is that you can only do what you can do. We are low energy introverts in the family. While I do volunteer, I now decline the more intense posts: BTDT, now it's someone else's turn! My husband is on the spectrum and NEVER volunteers. He donates from afar to Doctors Without Borders, because he's a doctor who admires their work.

Be yourself, OP. Enjoy the life you intend for yourself. You only have one.

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s likely that after years of being alone, living without a solid community you have adapted your outlook to prefer solitary activities and lifestyle but that doesn’t ever truly overcome the deep biological need for social relationships, hence your feelings of loneliness. It’s a crappy situation to find yourself in because it’s almost impossible to feel satisfied when trying to balance between two incompatible extremes such as this. I completely relate btw so I am not happy to report this. I feel like we are a broken society with broken lives because of it.

+100. My sister is like this and she thinks the solution is to further isolate herself and more fully embrace solitude, but the more she does it, the lonelier she becomes.

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s likely that after years of being alone, living without a solid community you have adapted your outlook to prefer solitary activities and lifestyle but that doesn’t ever truly overcome the deep biological need for social relationships, hence your feelings of loneliness. It’s a crappy situation to find yourself in because it’s almost impossible to feel satisfied when trying to balance between two incompatible extremes such as this. I completely relate btw so I am not happy to report this. I feel like we are a broken society with broken lives because of it.

In some ways I have community, but it's often "too much." I volunteer weekly at a place that sells things (I help with the running of it, not with selling things) and I don't want the person in charge of volunteers to hug me. Yes, I've known her over a decade and she's perfectly nice, but I just ... don't want to hug her or have her hug me (I like hugs just fine, just don't want to with her). Sometimes I buy things at this place and inevitably someone working there will say "What'd ya get?" and I don't want to answer them. I know they're trying to build rapport and be friendly, but ... I just don't want to.

I get enough social stimulation from food shopping, or, in the olden days, sitting in a book store for a few hours reading. Sometimes I dogsit and feel enough social interaction from the dog, and am annoyed at having to be nice and "neighborly" to the other people walking dogs.

I think one can easily live this way in the US, especially in a more urban environment. I think the US is more focused on the individual than it is on community and we are also okay with moving far from family and cutting ties if we need to. You can pick up and start over without needing to keep ancestral ties to a place or to others. But yes, people talk about neighbors and so forth and you won't get privacy in a small town except maybe in the Pacific Northeest where they have the so-called chill. I think you just live your life how you want.

I think it’s likely that after years of being alone, living without a solid community you have adapted your outlook to prefer solitary activities and lifestyle but that doesn’t ever truly overcome the deep biological need for social relationships, hence your feelings of loneliness. It’s a crappy situation to find yourself in because it’s almost impossible to feel satisfied when trying to balance between two incompatible extremes such as this. I completely relate btw so I am not happy to report this. I feel like we are a broken society with broken lives because of it.

In the US we are pushed with the idea we need community, a friend group, to know our neighbors, etc. And I don't have any of that and feel lonely. But after giving it deep thought I realized I don't WANT that and maybe I only feel lonely because I'm being told what the ideal is. So what if the ideal what more independent? Is there some society or place I could move where I could just have a dog, and see people like once a week when I go buy food and a couple times a year to take the dog to the vet?