Anonymous wrote:You clearly hate him so now you care what he’s doing?

Please elaborate.

Anonymous wrote:Based on your summary he is lonely and depressed. Has this been addressed by his medical team? He also is trying to get control / this often happens when people are ill. So, you give him reasonable choices. Can you text him? Let him know what is going on- I cannot call today until 7 pm. Do you want me to call at 8 pm or call when zi have time two days from now? Gives him a feeling of control. You can’t wear your pajamas, but you can wear either your sweatpants or you shorts/ which do you want to wear? So, get his team together at the care center to help with this. You do not need to think this is doing himself in, it is giving up. Maybe an antidepressant would help? Encourage him to think about how to join ongoing activities he might try to see if he can find others who also would like company would help. Stopping medication will most likely only make him uncomfortable or short of breathe which may or may not change his trend. Is his hearing okay? Can you get him a subscription to library for books to listen to that would help h? What about podcasts? You ae doing a lot for him. I am sure he appreciates it, even if he doesn’t say so. Also see if you can get a social worker at the care center to collaborate with you on this. They are often very helpful in these kinds of situations.

Thank you. I’m not opposed to him stopping extraordinary treatment. But doesn’t seem to be that. He honestly has everything he needs except someone IRL to have intellectual conversations with and have drinks with. That is according to him. He has had security called on him multiple times in multiple places (doctor’s office, independent and assisted living, pharmacy) in the past year because he is used to having tbings his way and he wants immediate response. His wife enabled that to a degree though she wanted a gray divorce — neither wanted to take the financial hit. Neighbors could regularly hear him yelling at her and friends no longer wanted to visit with him involved. It is hard to watch this.

You clearly hate him so now you care what he’s doing?

Anonymous wrote:Can you just “check yourself into hospice” without a medical reason? I’m not sure they will take him.

+1. And, in my area, it’s a 10 day-2 week maximum stay. After that, you are sent to assisted living.

He can always check himself out if the experience changes his perspective on life. Who knows. Maybe he chwcks himself in, sees people whonare really at the end of their lives, and changes his mind.

I don’t find this odd. My mom recently died after a year-long and entirely unsuccessful battle with cancer. Her quality of life after chemo and radiation was greatly diminished, and I would have supported any decision she made to stop treatment and allow the disease to take its course.

Not taking meds is his decision, and he has a right to make it. His doctors and caregivers cannot force him to undergo treatment or medical interventions against his will. No one in the scenario you describe is assisting suicide.

I understand that this person is testing your patience right now, but you might want to muster up some empathy for him. One day you might better understand what he’s going through, and you will have to face any unkind and judgmental reaction that you make to his decision. Change your attitude while he’s still alive and make peace with him.

Can you just “check yourself into hospice” without a medical reason? I’m not sure they will take him.

Wow, I’m sure he senses your judgment. Would make me want to die too.

Wow OP. so now you care. huh. Leave him alone. Like you have been.

Based on your summary he is lonely and depressed. Has this been addressed by his medical team? He also is trying to get control / this often happens when people are ill. So, you give him reasonable choices. Can you text him? Let him know what is going on- I cannot call today until 7 pm. Do you want me to call at 8 pm or call when zi have time two days from now? Gives him a feeling of control. You can’t wear your pajamas, but you can wear either your sweatpants or you shorts/ which do you want to wear? So, get his team together at the care center to help with this. You do not need to think this is doing himself in, it is giving up. Maybe an antidepressant would help? Encourage him to think about how to join ongoing activities he might try to see if he can find others who also would like company would help. Stopping medication will most likely only make him uncomfortable or short of breathe which may or may not change his trend. Is his hearing okay? Can you get him a subscription to library for books to listen to that would help h? What about podcasts? You ae doing a lot for him. I am sure he appreciates it, even if he doesn’t say so. Also see if you can get a social worker at the care center to collaborate with you on this. They are often very helpful in these kinds of situations.

This seems reasonable.

This is not suicide and it’s his time. Sounds like a good plan to me. Why prolong his life!

A patient refusing to follow medical advice is not considered assisted suicide.

His life, his choice.

… stop taking Lasix. This is in Michigan. Where is the line between allowing the natural death process and suicide? He says he will die in 1-2 weeks. When I asked where he heard that range he did not initially give an answer. I told him his body will do its best to try to survive and he could live much longer. He saw his PCPd she told him the same thing. My MIL worked in hospice and backed this up with several cases where people were told the had months to live and lived much longer.

This relative lost his wife a year and a half ago. He’s moved three times demanding people work on his schedule. In independent living he had difficulty making friends because he didn’t want to have to meet people have way. He wanted intellectual conversation over drinks. Just someone to talk to but they had to be willing to to come to his place. A couple were willing to hand out ans talk but only in public spaces. This ticked him off.

He’s lonely, frustrated, etc. He has no children. He basically has me and my sibling as relatives. He’s exhausted friends and acquaintances. He expects me to pick up the phone when he calls if I can’t take the call, he tells me when I must call (and to avoid his 3 hour siesta). I live out of state, have kids, a husband who was hospitalized and nearly died last year, a kid who has been in crisis and still struggling, a parent who out is state and is undergoing chemo ans has stage 3 kidney disease.

Sometimes I can’t call until the next day. Once it was a couple days ONCE because I had been swamped with DH and kid. If the message was a true emergency, I would call back right away but if I’m at work / dealing with family issues and his issue is the independent (now assisted) living people have the temp in the building too low, I’m not dropping everything to call the facility which they cannot do anything about as I’ve explained 100x before. Yes, I have been to this place unannounced — he is just unreasonable. He doesn’t see why he can’t wear PJs in the common room or wear the same clothes for several days. He is mentally competent and his PCP agrees. He just sees things like re-dressing as a hassle. It feels like he lives to create problems which I think is partially to get attention. I understand that but he will not meet people half way. I got someone to help him dress and undress every day. He stopped that because that meant he had to adhere to there schedule availability. The loss of control is hard, I’m sure.

So now he’s checking himself into hospice program which he’ll do at the assisted living apartment. This situation seems a bit odd because it isn’t like ones where a person taking meds has 6 months to live, and stopping the meds will reduce his life expectancy by a couple months. I’m not one for prolonging death, but this seems more like suicide/depression/loneliness. I’m assuming the doctors know how to navigate this gray area since they could be sued in Michigan for assisted suicide (which is illegal there).

Early morning vent over.