Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 21:43     Subject: sort of a spin off can someone explain the element of surprise in proposals?
I had a surprise engagement. Not public. I absolutely loved it. Fun and memorable. I know it’s not for everyone. But it was perfect for me.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 21:43     Subject: sort of a spin off can someone explain the element of surprise in proposals?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I can understand a spontaneous proposal. My husband asked me to marry him on our second date. He came to our casual date with a rose from his garden. It was lovely. We had a long distance relationship for 2 years before we actually lived together and started planning in earnest.

But a proposal where everything is prepared in advance and the woman is unwittingly led in front of an audience to hear her boyfriend propose? No, I wouldn't like that.


I had assumed OP meant the former, which seems like the normal way to propose to me. The other way is too much.

I proposed by surprise but the only preparation I made was to get a ring.




Op here. I mean even in private I don't get it. I don't understand the "surprise" element at all. I understand to people agreeing to be married. I understand waiting something to mark that - a ring or whatever. What I don't understand is the need for an element of surprise teehee he asked me at Christmas, or over dinner, or on the beach or the hinting about types of ring


My younger colleague recently got engaged and she saw the proposal as an expression of her fiance being committed to getting married - basically that he put as much thought into it as she did. She knew a proposal was coming, but wanted the time and form of it to be something he cooked up on his own.

It's not what I chose - DH and I don't even have a proposal story, we just agreed to get married - but I understand wanting evidence that the man is emotionally engaged (hah, pun) in the engagement.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 21:41     Subject: sort of a spin off can someone explain the element of surprise in proposals?
Anonymous wrote:I guess mostly because of movies and now social media. But it is more fun than just sitting around one night and saying “I love you so much, I know we have talked about maybe getting married before, so should we go ahead and start planning a wedding?” It IS a life turning point, so making it into a memorable moment makes sense.


Op here, honestly that sounds lovely and practical the specialness being that you have decided that you want to be together forever and start planning your lives together. I can even understand wanting to celebrate in someway or exchanging some sort of gift to mark the occasion- what I don't understand is the surprise.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 21:39     Subject: sort of a spin off can someone explain the element of surprise in proposals?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I can understand a spontaneous proposal. My husband asked me to marry him on our second date. He came to our casual date with a rose from his garden. It was lovely. We had a long distance relationship for 2 years before we actually lived together and started planning in earnest.

But a proposal where everything is prepared in advance and the woman is unwittingly led in front of an audience to hear her boyfriend propose? No, I wouldn't like that.


I had assumed OP meant the former, which seems like the normal way to propose to me. The other way is too much.

I proposed by surprise but the only preparation I made was to get a ring.




Op here. I mean even in private I don't get it. I don't understand the "surprise" element at all. I understand to people agreeing to be married. I understand waiting something to mark that - a ring or whatever. What I don't understand is the need for an element of surprise teehee he asked me at Christmas, or over dinner, or on the beach or the hinting about types of ring


Women like them.


Op here. I ama woman, though I am on the spectrum and there are many things Women like I don't get. I guess I'm just trying to understand why this is a thing.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 21:37     Subject: sort of a spin off can someone explain the element of surprise in proposals?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I can understand a spontaneous proposal. My husband asked me to marry him on our second date. He came to our casual date with a rose from his garden. It was lovely. We had a long distance relationship for 2 years before we actually lived together and started planning in earnest.

But a proposal where everything is prepared in advance and the woman is unwittingly led in front of an audience to hear her boyfriend propose? No, I wouldn't like that.


I had assumed OP meant the former, which seems like the normal way to propose to me. The other way is too much.

I proposed by surprise but the only preparation I made was to get a ring.




Op here. I mean even in private I don't get it. I don't understand the "surprise" element at all. I understand to people agreeing to be married. I understand waiting something to mark that - a ring or whatever. What I don't understand is the need for an element of surprise teehee he asked me at Christmas, or over dinner, or on the beach or the hinting about types of ring


Yeah, there’s a lot of things we do tha We don’t NEED.

BUT To each their own. Some people have a baby and want to be surprised of the sex. Some people find out sex and just consider having a new baby that you’ve never met before a big enough surprise. Some people like surprise parties. Some people don’t wrap gifts.

I think if you’re getting married to someone, you would know what type of person they are and what they would like. And if you love that person and know that they would appreciate something like this,what a wonderful way to start a life together giving them the memory of an experience like this. .


Op here. That's kind of a non answer. I'm assuming you got engaged with the surprise. So why was the surprise needed for you?
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 21:31     Subject: sort of a spin off can someone explain the element of surprise in proposals?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I can understand a spontaneous proposal. My husband asked me to marry him on our second date. He came to our casual date with a rose from his garden. It was lovely. We had a long distance relationship for 2 years before we actually lived together and started planning in earnest.

But a proposal where everything is prepared in advance and the woman is unwittingly led in front of an audience to hear her boyfriend propose? No, I wouldn't like that.


I had assumed OP meant the former, which seems like the normal way to propose to me. The other way is too much.

I proposed by surprise but the only preparation I made was to get a ring.




Op here. I mean even in private I don't get it. I don't understand the "surprise" element at all. I understand to people agreeing to be married. I understand waiting something to mark that - a ring or whatever. What I don't understand is the need for an element of surprise teehee he asked me at Christmas, or over dinner, or on the beach or the hinting about types of ring


Yeah, there’s a lot of things we do tha We don’t NEED.

BUT To each their own. Some people have a baby and want to be surprised of the sex. Some people find out sex and just consider having a new baby that you’ve never met before a big enough surprise. Some people like surprise parties. Some people don’t wrap gifts.

I think if you’re getting married to someone, you would know what type of person they are and what they would like. And if you love that person and know that they would appreciate something like this,what a wonderful way to start a life together giving them the memory of an experience like this. .
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 21:20     Subject: sort of a spin off can someone explain the element of surprise in proposals?
I guess mostly because of movies and now social media. But it is more fun than just sitting around one night and saying “I love you so much, I know we have talked about maybe getting married before, so should we go ahead and start planning a wedding?” It IS a life turning point, so making it into a memorable moment makes sense.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 21:10     Subject: sort of a spin off can someone explain the element of surprise in proposals?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I can understand a spontaneous proposal. My husband asked me to marry him on our second date. He came to our casual date with a rose from his garden. It was lovely. We had a long distance relationship for 2 years before we actually lived together and started planning in earnest.

But a proposal where everything is prepared in advance and the woman is unwittingly led in front of an audience to hear her boyfriend propose? No, I wouldn't like that.


I had assumed OP meant the former, which seems like the normal way to propose to me. The other way is too much.

I proposed by surprise but the only preparation I made was to get a ring.




Op here. I mean even in private I don't get it. I don't understand the "surprise" element at all. I understand to people agreeing to be married. I understand waiting something to mark that - a ring or whatever. What I don't understand is the need for an element of surprise teehee he asked me at Christmas, or over dinner, or on the beach or the hinting about types of ring


Women like them.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 21:09     Subject: sort of a spin off can someone explain the element of surprise in proposals?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I can understand a spontaneous proposal. My husband asked me to marry him on our second date. He came to our casual date with a rose from his garden. It was lovely. We had a long distance relationship for 2 years before we actually lived together and started planning in earnest.

But a proposal where everything is prepared in advance and the woman is unwittingly led in front of an audience to hear her boyfriend propose? No, I wouldn't like that.


I had assumed OP meant the former, which seems like the normal way to propose to me. The other way is too much.

I proposed by surprise but the only preparation I made was to get a ring.




Op here. I mean even in private I don't get it. I don't understand the "surprise" element at all. I understand to people agreeing to be married. I understand waiting something to mark that - a ring or whatever. What I don't understand is the need for an element of surprise teehee he asked me at Christmas, or over dinner, or on the beach or the hinting about types of ring
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 20:51     Subject: sort of a spin off can someone explain the element of surprise in proposals?
Anonymous wrote:I never understood the idea of a man surprising his girlfriend with a proposal. What is the point? Is this because of movies and the diamond industry?


To me it's as nonsensical as asking for her parents' permission/blessing.


A lot of the surprises are not a surprise
If your boyfriend asks you what type of ring you want, you are on notice to expect a proposal.

Also, how come so many people have a "surprise" engagement photo with the hand over the mouth to express shock? They did not notice that a person was standing there with a camera when boyfriend popped out that ring? It's so weird how all these athlete and "Bachelor" women have a professional photo of that moment.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 20:38     Subject: sort of a spin off can someone explain the element of surprise in proposals?
Anonymous wrote:I can understand a spontaneous proposal. My husband asked me to marry him on our second date. He came to our casual date with a rose from his garden. It was lovely. We had a long distance relationship for 2 years before we actually lived together and started planning in earnest.

But a proposal where everything is prepared in advance and the woman is unwittingly led in front of an audience to hear her boyfriend propose? No, I wouldn't like that.


I had assumed OP meant the former, which seems like the normal way to propose to me. The other way is too much.

I proposed by surprise but the only preparation I made was to get a ring.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 20:38     Subject: sort of a spin off can someone explain the element of surprise in proposals?
I don't think you have to do it, but it can be nice and fun. I think the idea is that it is a spontaneous moment of romance, a special moment just for the two of you. And it's a risky thing to do—in theory.

I have one set of friends who sat down and had a conversation about deciding to get married, they bought a ring together and then put it in a filing cabinet and eventually he took it out and proposed during a romantic moment.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 20:35     Subject: sort of a spin off can someone explain the element of surprise in proposals?
I can understand a spontaneous proposal. My husband asked me to marry him on our second date. He came to our casual date with a rose from his garden. It was lovely. We had a long distance relationship for 2 years before we actually lived together and started planning in earnest.

But a proposal where everything is prepared in advance and the woman is unwittingly led in front of an audience to hear her boyfriend propose? No, I wouldn't like that.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 20:28     Subject: sort of a spin off can someone explain the element of surprise in proposals?
Tired trend.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 20:13     Subject: sort of a spin off can someone explain the element of surprise in proposals?
I never understood the idea of a man surprising his girlfriend with a proposal. What is the point? Is this because of movies and the diamond industry?


To me it's as nonsensical as asking for her parents' permission/blessing.