Our routine involves a melatonin gummy. Magic.

OP here. This has all been really helpful. Thank you. She’s not napping any more. Never worn a pull up. I think the light has affected her (despite blackout curtains). And I know you’re right about if it’s my husband’s thing to let him handle, but I was so frustrated last night because it was like 8.45 and the shenanigans were still going on. This stuff doesn’t generally happen when I put her to sleep. I like the idea of letting her read in bed after we leave and talking to her about it more.

When something has worked for a long time then stops working, it’s hard for me to adjust (it’s always been that way for me as a parent since she was a baby. I’m not very flexible by nature and having to be more flexible has been one of my biggest lessons since becoming a parent!). My concern is whether she’s getting enough sleep but we can try pushing back a bit to see if that helps. Thanks again everyone.

It’s fine if she’s not asleep maybe she’s not tired. You can give her a nightlight and a book and tell her to stay in her room. She can read or play on her bed or listen to music or listen to a story until she falls asleep and you can turn the light off later. You can’t force someone to sleep and it’s ok if you have a few bad mornings, her body will regulate itself over time.

Does he wear a nighttime diaper? It might help give him some extra feeling of emotional security

We’ve had some issues with our five year old that recently resolved.

Our routine is quick - about 20 mins. Pick out stuffies, go to the bathroom, brush teeth, put on jammies, read two books, get in bed, sing song, lights out, mom leaves. It’s been the same routine for years. Baths we do earlier (before dinner), only 2x per week, not part of the bedtime routine.

The problem when bedtime issues pop up is that our usual method from 1-2-3 Magic of counting then a break time is a bad idea - if he’s delaying lights out, a break time is a win.

The key for us generally is that books are LAST. No books until you’re 100% ready for bed. So, if I have to count and I get to three - only one book. That has solved 90+% of issues over the years.

If I have to count a second time (rare, but we’ve had phases where it’s popped up over the years) and I get to three, we do it “the hard way.” I physically force him through the rest of the bedtime routine, silently. Bear hug carry to the bathroom, pull pants down, lift onto potty, lift off, pants up, pry mouth open, brush teeth, etc, etc. I don’t hurt him or anything, but I’m not gentle and I’m all business. He HATES it, and honestly, so do I, but I will not be held hostage at bedtime. I probably haven’t had to do that in over a year, it’s really more a toddler thing.

Our recent issue has been RIGHT at lights out time - laughing, endless questions, silliness, calling me back for a “bad dream” 10 seconds after I left. I was at a loss. Mostly I think I just had to ride it out, but I also had some luck with calmly saying “Lately, you’ve been able to do XYZ thing (he’s been getting some new privileges lately) but if you can’t handle going to bed calmly, we may need to rethink that.” That’s been surprisingly effective even though it’s abstract and not immediate. He’s getting older and much more mature, which really helps.

Also just some meta advice: if bedtime is your husband’s deal, don’t try to troubleshoot! Let him! Don’t micromanage.

We started letting our kids do what they wanted in their room at that age, after reading/goodnight kiss. Of course, within reason (no wild activity or games or anything) and with just a reading lamp. It took pressure off going to bed and now they pretty happily do it. It also got them reading pretty well by age 5 because they had a special privilege to “stay up late” reading (but it would actually calm them down and make them fall asleep by 830 or so).

Our 3rd is 5 yo. We do dinner at 5:30, some evenings a bath or quick shower or a little family activity, then pjs, toothbrush, read 1-2 books cuddled in his bed, bedtime at 7. He has a reading light on a timer that does off at 7:30. He is allowed to use the bathroom and we often hear him going at 7:30 just to stretch out the time I think. His bedroom is on a different level. But once we tuck him in and leave, that’s it. He can get up and out of his room once his light turns green in the morning.

Sorry op, it could be a host of things. Your routine sounds fine. Like others have said, it could be that at 5, she may be a kid who needs a little more sleep pressure. Some 5 year olds will still go down early (especially when the start K so if not in k yet in the fall this might shift back!) but in the summer for example, when it is lighter our, they start going down a little later.

I would talk to her. I feel like we often skip this step. She’s old enough. Problem solve with her. Hey this has been really hard - we can feel from you that bedtime isn’t working, it’s not working for us either. Talk about your needs, figure out hers. Try to figure out what will work. Like maybe you try 8 pm bedtime but with her agreeing when you say goodnight she only has one pass to call you back in for a hug.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bath - I wash hair, then he washes body while I read him a book. Then pjs, brush teeth, wash face, bed and we talk for 2-3 minutes, and good night. If no bath, then pjs, brush teeth, wash face, book in glider, bed and talk for 2-3 minutes, and good night.

We keep it quick.

No books before bed?

I think you missed “book in glider before bed”

Anonymous wrote:Bath - I wash hair, then he washes body while I read him a book. Then pjs, brush teeth, wash face, bed and we talk for 2-3 minutes, and good night. If no bath, then pjs, brush teeth, wash face, book in glider, bed and talk for 2-3 minutes, and good night.

We keep it quick.

No books before bed?

We go read books at 7:30. Then brush teeth and in bed at 8. My dd doesn’t go to sleep quickly because she still naps at preschool. We don’t go back in for whining. My older kids were easier at bedtime though!

When does she wake up? Might be time to push her bedtime back

Bath - I wash hair, then he washes body while I read him a book. Then pjs, brush teeth, wash face, bed and we talk for 2-3 minutes, and good night. If no bath, then pjs, brush teeth, wash face, book in glider, bed and talk for 2-3 minutes, and good night.

We keep it quick.

Around that age, my dd started the negotiations. It turned bedtime into hell for months. Finally we made a visual checklist. Bath, pajamas, brush teeth, 1 book, 1 song, 1 kiss. Then we walked out. Night one she tried the old shenanigans and we just silently walked her back to bed super nanny style, night two she was fine. She needed predictability, she was less stressed about the limits than about the unknown. It worked for her; maybe it’ll work for your kid?

What exactly does your bedtime routine for your 5 year old look like? Ours is not working and I need help. Right now, I give a bath at 6.30, get out around 6.45. Books until 7.15. Then brush teeth and my husband is supposed to read one more book, rub back then leave the room. But that’s where it breaks down. Kid starts asking for more back rubs, gets in and out of bed. Husband gets frustrated and leaves to stand in the hallway until she gets back in bed. This cycle repeats. Now I’m frustrated with both of them. Kid isn’t asleep yet and instead of lights out at 7.30 it’s like 8.25 or 8.30 and kid still isn’t asleep yet. We need a new routine. Kid isn’t getting enough sleep. Parents are annoyed. It all sucks. What does your routine look like? HELP