The only pertinent detail is the first - what sort of relationship do you want and expect to have with this person who will certainly be in your life long-term, whether you want it or not?

Honestly if you’re already bean-counting like this, we might already have the answer, but I think it’s better to remember that life is long, and with family (a) it is less realistic to expect perfect etiquette and (b) there will be far more opportunities for either you or they to step up to help out, reciprocate, or generally show how they truly feel about you. In the meantime, just keep the peace and model how you would personally like to be treated. Why fire all these random shots so early on?

Yeah, sorry, this bean counting is the definition of petty. Make your own standards, and stick to them regardless of what others do. That's called integrity.

I only give baby shower gifts if I'm attending the shower in person. I only accept baby shower invitations from people I'm close to. I'm not rich enough to provide a subsidy to every coworker or cousin's girlfriend.

However, assuming the parent is someone I speak to outside of gift-giving occasions, I send a book for the 1st birthday. That's my standard. You should have your own.

Anonymous wrote:Send gifts if you want to, but stop being petty. It looks ugly on you.

This.

Anonymous wrote:Why would you expect a wedding gift? That’s so tacky! They showed up so they are the gift.

It’s proper etiquette to bring a gift to a wedding, or at least a card.

You left out the most pertinent question: Do you want to have a good relationship with them and their new child?

Anonymous wrote:Send gifts if you want to, but stop being petty. It looks ugly on you.

Not petty, simply asking…

Send gifts if you want to, but stop being petty. It looks ugly on you.

Just based on that one thing? Yes, I would.

Why would you expect a wedding gift? That’s so tacky! They showed up so they are the gift.

Of course I would.

I would send some board books because I love buying (and giving) books

Anonymous wrote:What if they did send a gift and it was lost and they think you are rude rude rude for not sending a thank you?

Possible, I guess? But I was able to see everything purchased from my registry and who it was from, so unless they sent something off registry or money I didn’t get anything. Side note, this is a close enough family member where I’m sure they would’ve asked my mother if their gift had been received.

No

What if they did send a gift and it was lost and they think you are rude rude rude for not sending a thank you?

…the couple in question did not send you a wedding gift / bring a card?

Pertinent details:

- this is a family member
- I am not attending the shower (they did attend the wedding)
- the family member in question has plenty of money, and was in the same financial situation at the time of my wedding