Anonymous wrote:Recently placed my MIL with later-stage dementia in memory care. Upped her anti-anxiety med a bit, and she is happier overall. Before the facility, she had a home care aide M-F 8-4 and sat on the couch watching the news and trying to complete word searches.
She is still in cognitive decline (we saw her today) but is overall happier and physically more robust (has gained some much-needed weight due)
Wish we had moved her there at least three years ago.

This was our experience with dad. Also, mom was burned out. She could not stand having 24-7 care and in front of staff would lash out at him with resentment. Although much younger and healthier than he was the stress was aging her and her mental health had crashed. She was very into keeping up appearances and didn't want people to know she had 24-7 help or that she was falling apart so she refused to put him in memory care. We had to force it and I think it was the best thing that could have happened for dad. He aged backward a bit in that he seemed happier and calmer. It didn't reverse his decline, but he needed to be out of that situation. No meds adjustment was needed. If anything he became highly stressed when mom would visit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People with Alzheimer’s don’t tend to get better regardless of their circumstances.

This is not entirely accurate. While it is progressive and terminal, the right setting and sometimes medication can make a big difference in quality of life.

OP it's hard to advise without knowing more about your situation. Where is your LO now and how do they feel/behave? What resources are available? I am sorry you are in the Long Goodbye, it is such a difficult thing.

Medications can help slightly at early stages but at this stage, its about quality of life and there is very little.

Wrong on both counts. Medications can't generally do much for memory in later stages, but they can help with mood, anxiety, and sleep for example. Dementia patients can still have quality of life. They can feel safe and happy and be well cared for. Quality of life doesn't mean they have their memory restored. I'm sorry if you've never seen facilities that provide quality of life to dementia patients.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People with Alzheimer’s don’t tend to get better regardless of their circumstances.

This is not entirely accurate. While it is progressive and terminal, the right setting and sometimes medication can make a big difference in quality of life.

OP it's hard to advise without knowing more about your situation. Where is your LO now and how do they feel/behave? What resources are available? I am sorry you are in the Long Goodbye, it is such a difficult thing.

OP here. She is at home with me and my family. I am her only child. She has some money saved, but not enough to last more than three years in MC. She is ok with us. She is docile and stays in her room. She can walk, yet slowly. Very, very confused, cannot carry on a conversation at all, zero reasoning skills, about 50% urinaty incontinent. I bathe her, bring her food (she can feed herself still). She still knows my name, but forgets my husband’s, but knows who he is to her.

I am just TIRED after taking care of her for 4+ years now. I worry though, that she might decline so quickly at a MC facility. I also looked at memory care home-type settings, and am considering that route, as it is cheaper, and doesn’t have all the bells and whistles of the bigger MC facilities.

She stayed for a week in a MC institution last year, and was not pleased at all. I wonder if she would get used to one now.

That sounds so difficult, I am sorry. We were able to keep our LO at home until the final year of his life, but the physical burden of care for a large man who had become incontinent had become too much. The label of "Memory Care" is less important than the safety and comfort of the facility. Visit as many as you can and pay attention to the mood of staff and residents- try to gauge how they interact. Are rooms and commons areas arranged in a safe way, and are they clean? How about smell? How do you feel in the place? Ask lots of questions, including restrain policy and communication expectations. Ask about their approach to dementia patients and avoid any place that is still trying to make them remember things. Ask about how they comfort, and using therapeutic lies (therapeutic lies are soothing, it's a bad name for meeting patients where they are and giving them information that is soothing). Ask around in the community about places- if you know nurses, they often have all the tea. Distance is a factor as well, your LO will receive better care if you and others are able to visit frequently.

Ultimately, you want a place that is safe for your LO and recognizes that they are still a person to be treated with respect, care, and dignity. That isn't always the fanciest most expensive place. It is a hard decision, but sometimes it is impossible to care for your LO at home. Try not to feel guilty about this. You will still be caring for them, but in a different way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People with Alzheimer’s don’t tend to get better regardless of their circumstances.

This is not entirely accurate. While it is progressive and terminal, the right setting and sometimes medication can make a big difference in quality of life.

OP it's hard to advise without knowing more about your situation. Where is your LO now and how do they feel/behave? What resources are available? I am sorry you are in the Long Goodbye, it is such a difficult thing.

OP here. She is at home with me and my family. I am her only child. She has some money saved, but not enough to last more than three years in MC. She is ok with us. She is docile and stays in her room. She can walk, yet slowly. Very, very confused, cannot carry on a conversation at all, zero reasoning skills, about 50% urinaty incontinent. I bathe her, bring her food (she can feed herself still). She still knows my name, but forgets my husband’s, but knows who he is to her.

I am just TIRED after taking care of her for 4+ years now. I worry though, that she might decline so quickly at a MC facility. I also looked at memory care home-type settings, and am considering that route, as it is cheaper, and doesn’t have all the bells and whistles of the bigger MC facilities.

She stayed for a week in a MC institution last year, and was not pleased at all. I wonder if she would get used to one now.

PP- sorry, weight due to a more closely monitored meal schedule and better overall attitude and socializing at meals.

Recently placed my MIL with later-stage dementia in memory care. Upped her anti-anxiety med a bit, and she is happier overall. Before the facility, she had a home care aide M-F 8-4 and sat on the couch watching the news and trying to complete word searches.
She is still in cognitive decline (we saw her today) but is overall happier and physically more robust (has gained some much-needed weight due)
Wish we had moved her there at least three years ago.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People with Alzheimer’s don’t tend to get better regardless of their circumstances.

This is not entirely accurate. While it is progressive and terminal, the right setting and sometimes medication can make a big difference in quality of life.

OP it's hard to advise without knowing more about your situation. Where is your LO now and how do they feel/behave? What resources are available? I am sorry you are in the Long Goodbye, it is such a difficult thing.

Medications can help slightly at early stages but at this stage, its about quality of life and there is very little.

Anonymous wrote:People with Alzheimer’s don’t tend to get better regardless of their circumstances.

This is not entirely accurate. While it is progressive and terminal, the right setting and sometimes medication can make a big difference in quality of life.

OP it's hard to advise without knowing more about your situation. Where is your LO now and how do they feel/behave? What resources are available? I am sorry you are in the Long Goodbye, it is such a difficult thing.

Are they aggressive? Skilled nursing via medicaid

If you can't handle at home, then MC for 24/7 supervision if you have the money for it.

If they aren't violent or combative, I know of some people who have put their LO in certified dementia homes if they can't afford MC.

I had a friend whose mom stayed in her home medicated and was very docile. She died after about 10 years, just as they were taking her to MC.

Anonymous wrote:Compared to what alternative?

It's hard to know how things would have gone at home, but I felt like my grandparent was much safer with 24/7 awake supervision.

This. There is no viable alternative.

We had no other option.

People with Alzheimer’s don’t tend to get better regardless of their circumstances.

Compared to what alternative?

It's hard to know how things would have gone at home, but I felt like my grandparent was much safer with 24/7 awake supervision.

Did Memory Care make a difference with your LO if you placed them around stage 6? Were there any positives for her/him?

I am at my wits end and considering placing my mother in MC.