OP again. I guess I just feel pathetic like I’m trying to parent him or something. Or at least that’s what he will say. Who pulls out a can from the trashcan to smell it? That’s crazy of me. I was literally looking through the trash last night.
Part of me think that’s because when he lies it makes me not able to trust my own self with my instincts. I question whether or not I’m just imagining that he’s drunk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is an alcoholic. Now that you know that, go to Al-anon.

Do you think he’s an alcoholic even if it’s only once every few months or so? It’s hard bc he can go awhile without drinking but when he does it’s usually bad.

DP. Yes he is. 100%. He cannot control his alcohol use when he drinks. Doesn’t matter if it’s every day or once a month.

So so true. One drink means he’s getting blackout out, yelling at me, doing stupid stuff etc. bc it’s never one drink. Once he gets a taste of it he loses control.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is an alcoholic. Now that you know that, go to Al-anon.

Do you think he’s an alcoholic even if it’s only once every few months or so? It’s hard bc he can go awhile without drinking but when he does it’s usually bad.

DP. Yes he is. 100%. He cannot control his alcohol use when he drinks. Doesn’t matter if it’s every day or once a month.

OP - I DO so appreciate the support. I think I know in my soul that it’s unhealthy but was just unsure how unhealthy it was.

Anonymous wrote:Al-Anon + and a come-to-Jesus conversation with your husband. He needs gets help today or you contact an attorney. Why do you think his behavior is normal?

I guess bc it’s so infrequent- like maybe 6 times a year. Is that still an alcoholic? And please know that I am not being rude at all, I’m honestly asking because I’m confused. Which is insane because I’m a highly educated capable woman, and I have no idea how to read this situation.

OP again- like he will say “it happened once and that was months ago” or “so it happens a few times a year, that isn’t a big deal”
And because I don’t drink, it just made me feel like I was being such a stick in the mud, so I always just believed him that it wasn’t a big deal

Al-Anon + and a come-to-Jesus conversation with your husband. He needs gets help today or you contact an attorney. Why do you think his behavior is normal?

OP here. Thank you for the honesty- I think he told me so much that because it wasn’t often, or bc he could go months without a drink, it wasn’t an issue, so maybe I need this wake up call of comments telling me otherwise!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is an alcoholic. Now that you know that, go to Al-anon.

Do you think he’s an alcoholic even if it’s only once every few months or so? It’s hard bc he can go awhile without drinking but when he does it’s usually bad.

100%. He’s an alcoholic. The sooner you come to terms with that, the better.

Go to Al-Anon for support. He does sound like he’s an alcoholic

OP - i’m not denying that he’s an alcoholic, I’m just asking. I think I’ve been gaslit for so long and he’s told me that because it’s not often it’s not a big deal. Also I don’t drink and I think resents me for that, so I wonder if it’s just me being a Debbie downer about alcohol or if he actually has a problem

Anonymous wrote:He is an alcoholic. Now that you know that, go to Al-anon.

Do you think he’s an alcoholic even if it’s only once every few months or so? It’s hard bc he can go awhile without drinking but when he does it’s usually bad.

He is an alcoholic. Now that you know that, go to Al-anon.

** when he’s “drunk” not “strong”

My husband doesn’t drink that often, but when he does, it’s very problematic. He will drink and drive, he will blackout, he will make stupid decisions that end up in him getting hurt, etc. For context, married 20 years, and we are in our mid 40s with teens at home. This past year has been a hard year for our marriage so I already feel a little broken.

Last night, I could tell that he had been drinking, even though he had been home all day working. When I asked him about it, he told me no he had not been drinking. He continued to seem more and more drunk, and left to go to the store to get something for our child, which made me look in his office. I found a bottle of vodka in his briefcase and realized that he had poured some into a soda can and was drinking it out of that to hide it from me.

There is so much wrong with this scenario. Drinking and driving, lying, hiding. I would like to think I know when he’s strong, but there could definitely have been other times that he drank and I didn’t know. And I guess it doesn’t matter because it’s not really my decision, but it just feels very deceitful.
I don’t even know where to start on this one. Any advice or ideas would be really helpful…