I feel this is the wife's fault. If you tolerate slacking for very long, you are going to get a slacker. Getting married means becoming the mother of a boy/man - you got to parent the same as you do your kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work full time, make almost 10 times what my wife does, do most of the things SAH does (school drop off, appointments, activity logistics, shopping, etc), travel planning, plus home maintenance. My wife still thinks I am useless and don't contribute.

People have different prospective, some are realistic some aren't. My guess is a lot fall in the middle.

Honestly trying to understand how this applies to my question. I was asking about an unemployed husband.

DH, is that you?

Seriously… What does your wife do and why does she think you don’t contribute?

I could see my DH riding something like this, but the truth is, although he does help with household tasks, I do 90% of them. Plus, I do the harder stuff… If DC has an 8 AM soccer game 45 minutes away, I go. If it’s a 1 p.m. in the afternoon game in our town, he’ll go. He’d say he went to one and I went to one… Not really equal in my book… He would say it was more like 50-50. He does not have a realistic perspective AT ALL.

Let go of the sexism. Let men be SAHD and contribute by supporting their wives. There is nothing wrong with taking care of your family in other ways than earning a paycheck. If it works better for the family and both spouses are on same page, why is this your problem? Too much judgement with too little information is a waste of your time.

Anonymous wrote:Dump them.

I had a BF like this. He magically got and held a job after I left him and stopped paying for him.

If my H lost his job, I’d give him about 3 months before I’d issue the ultimatum that he needs to find a job or move out.

BF I can understand but DH? Too transactional?

Anonymous wrote:How did you deal with this if this happened to you? How about your family? I feel like many men who are long term unemployed have mental health issues that regular SAHMs do not have, and that makes them unemployable and hiding at home. My friend in HS had such a father and it deeply affected her.

How do you know he wasn't affected by his medical condition?

That's my ex, but I married for papers and then got out. No need to stick around. He was going to take me down with him because of his bad financial decision.
I'm well off now and our kid will be well off. He wants to support his dad in old age, which is fine. DC feels sorry for whatever ex's problem is that runs in the family.
The most upsetting thing is not even that he didn't work and never will. It's the fact that he has zero ability when it comes to money. He only knows how to spend it. He could have been rich many times over again, because of opportunities, being in the navy, and his age. Now he acts like he is socialist and capitalism is bad. Attacked me when I refused to take a $10k loan out for him.
Had he simply sat at home and not get in my way, he'd be well off too.
Not sure why people even marry them unless it's for green card.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So this is my husband. He took a buyout while we were in the process of moving. We realized while he wasn’t working, my career soared. He was able to manage our move and subsequent renovation projects perfectly and i got a huge promotion. We don’t need him to work to get by financially and I like that he handles all the pickups and dropoffs. That said, I always figured he’d eventually get another job or some consulting work for mental health/self-actualizarion purposes. But it’s been more than two years now and I see no signs that he’s interested.

Are you ok with him never working again? What’s stopping him?

Insecurity is stopping him I think. He’s worried about ageism in late 40s. I’m OK with him never working again but I also have a gnawing feeling that it’s not the best thing for him mental health wise.

Anonymous wrote:So this is my husband. He took a buyout while we were in the process of moving. We realized while he wasn’t working, my career soared. He was able to manage our move and subsequent renovation projects perfectly and i got a huge promotion. We don’t need him to work to get by financially and I like that he handles all the pickups and dropoffs. That said, I always figured he’d eventually get another job or some consulting work for mental health/self-actualizarion purposes. But it’s been more than two years now and I see no signs that he’s interested.

Are you ok with him never working again? What’s stopping him?

So this is my husband. He took a buyout while we were in the process of moving. We realized while he wasn’t working, my career soared. He was able to manage our move and subsequent renovation projects perfectly and i got a huge promotion. We don’t need him to work to get by financially and I like that he handles all the pickups and dropoffs. That said, I always figured he’d eventually get another job or some consulting work for mental health/self-actualizarion purposes. But it’s been more than two years now and I see no signs that he’s interested.

Anonymous wrote:I work full time, make almost 10 times what my wife does, do most of the things SAH does (school drop off, appointments, activity logistics, shopping, etc), travel planning, plus home maintenance. My wife still thinks I am useless and don't contribute.

People have different prospective, some are realistic some aren't. My guess is a lot fall in the middle.

Honestly trying to understand how this applies to my question. I was asking about an unemployed husband.

I work full time, make almost 10 times what my wife does, do most of the things SAH does (school drop off, appointments, activity logistics, shopping, etc), travel planning, plus home maintenance. My wife still thinks I am useless and don't contribute.

People have different prospective, some are realistic some aren't. My guess is a lot fall in the middle.

Dump them.

I had a BF like this. He magically got and held a job after I left him and stopped paying for him.

If my H lost his job, I’d give him about 3 months before I’d issue the ultimatum that he needs to find a job or move out.

I would expect him to take on the same tasks that I would do as a SAHM, which would make it easier for me to earn more.

I would also expect him to see a doctor to address any health issues. But I would expect that if he was ill and working too.

Sexist

How did you deal with this if this happened to you? How about your family? I feel like many men who are long term unemployed have mental health issues that regular SAHMs do not have, and that makes them unemployable and hiding at home. My friend in HS had such a father and it deeply affected her.