Anonymous wrote:In my case DH has been with me the 10 years it took to amass our wealth, and I've always been right before, so now he just goes with what I say.

+1

Anonymous wrote:I think men, especially wealthy men get more laid back about $$ when we get older.

I’m already more laid back at 40 than I was at 30. In part because we’ve done really well. In another 10 years I’ll care even less, I hope. “Sure, new cabinets sound great sweetie.” So my net worth would go down from 7.3 million to 7.27 million or whatever. Not an issue.

This is such a cringey response. Would be hilarious if this were satire.

They realize it is just easier to go along with most things, or to appear to go along, then to fight. My guess is that these people do what they want when it matters to them. That's why they've become rich -- they are smart about people and know which battles to fight.

I think men, especially wealthy men get more laid back about $$ when we get older.

I’m already more laid back at 40 than I was at 30. In part because we’ve done really well. In another 10 years I’ll care even less, I hope. “Sure, new cabinets sound great sweetie.” So my net worth would go down from 7.3 million to 7.27 million or whatever. Not an issue.

ETA that this phenomenon spans income brackets.

Above PP is correct. Over time men learn that we do most of the upkeep in the house, have most of the social connections, maintain the relationships with the kids, etc. In many cases we handle the finances, know who the contractors for the home are, and take care of the aging parents. Smart men know their lives are held together by us and lean into that fact. The ones who don’t either age alone or marry younger and then work into their 70’s to pay for the new family. The “they break us down over time” poster is typical of men who both want their lives maintained, and then lament the loss of their independence. Hard to have it both ways.

Older men (and hell, men in general) care a lot less about how the money is spent. They know they’ll still have money. So if their wife wants to drop $150k on a kitchen reno, well that’s great for them. The man would probably not notice that the kitchen needed an update anyway and if his wife can manage the contractors and he doesn’t have to get involved, that’s even better!

Selection bias. The ones who don’t become deferential get left as was the case in my marriage. Ex became increasingly entitled and generally insufferable the more he earned.

Anonymous wrote:I see this at all income brackets. Women break us down over time like water eroding rocks. By the end we just want to die in peace with as little hassle between now and then.

😩

I see this at all income brackets. Women break us down over time like water eroding rocks. By the end we just want to die in peace with as little hassle between now and then.

Deferential in what ways? Maybe I married wrong, because we're wealthy, and we've had a power struggle since the beginning, and it hasn't changed.

It sounds like you know the wealthy crowd pretty well? How many poor men do you know? In my own anecdotal experience amongst "the poors," I'd say most men are deferential to their wives as they get older (or were always deferential).

In my case DH has been with me the 10 years it took to amass our wealth, and I've always been right before, so now he just goes with what I say.

It's because the stakes are lower when you're rich. If your wife wants to renovate or out the kids in private or hire an evening nanny, whatever-- you'll still be rich either way.

I noticed a trend with men in my family, the wealthier men started out being more independent and less aligned with their wives views at the start of the marriage but as they get older they basically go into full submission mode to their wives and there seems to be barely any conflict because they adopt the mindset of their wife being right about everything. These are men with net worths ranging from $10-50M. I kind of wonder why they’re like this, but it seems like it’s because they have a lot to lose in a divorce the older and richer they become. Men who are less wealthy have a different mindset where they will more readily butt heads with their spouse.

This has just been my observation. Anyone else see this pattern?