I have a DH with autism and I’ll be honest: I didn’t realize how many spatial relations and fine motor issues it can bring with it until many years of living with him. And it’s hard and frustrating, especially if you have a kid or a pet. I stopped at one baby because DH can’t multitask and just couldn’t successfully pull off a lot of the things it takes to keep a household going. Before I took things off his plate, he either did things so slowly they never got done, or he was too rushed and forceful and broke or ruined things. He’s broken lamps and tables and framed photos and stroller attachments and totaled two cars at low speeds while parking. He can’t tie his shoes easily and just slides them on and off until they sag off his feet and DC reties them.

Now he just freezes in place until I take over, or he never tries in the first place. I don’t share this with others because I know it reflects as badly on me as it does on him.

I went into mourning for a few years without realizing it. I mourned the adult relationship I thought we’d had, I mourned the equal partner I don’t have, and I mourned the loss of the dream I had of having a man who was as handy and capable as I am. I grew up in a family with very hands-on men and women who could do, make or fix anything, and DH’s shortcomings in this area have broken my heart.

Anonymous wrote:YouTube university.

I don't get how this isn't the obvious answer. Youtube excels at this kind of thing. I used it to learn how to fishtail braid last week.

I wouldn't have married a man who can't tie a tie. It's just ... embarrassing. A huge turn off.

But your post reminded me that I need to do laundry. So thanks for that.

Clip-on. Why not?

Anonymous wrote:Of course it's your shortcoming, clearly you've assumed the role as his mother in the relationship.

This!

Anonymous wrote:Of course it's your shortcoming, clearly you've assumed the role as his mother in the relationship.

zero lies detected

Make better choices, OP

Of course it's your shortcoming, clearly you've assumed the role as his mother in the relationship.

We all have choices..

YouTube university.

Clip on ties can be purchased from Amazon. Get him one for Father’s Day.

I'm assuming its hard to pivot to a more lucrative career at this point?

or learn to cook so you don't have to worry about doing DoorDash or take in someone who can subsidize that. Your choice.

Every woman and man feels that way, few days of every year. Each one has different reasons but that happens to all. There are dozens of YouTube videos on how to tie a tie.

I’m so exhausted. On top of everything else, DH acts like it’s my shortcoming that neither of us excels at tying a tie. He has an event tomorrow he needs to wear a tie for. I can tie a decent tie but he hasn’t even tried.

He’s on the spectrum, I have adhd. We have 2 kids, one adhd, the other asd. We all have crazy high IQ, but whatever because the ‘tism and ADHD are deadweights now.

We both work. He makes 2/3 and I make 1/3. He doesn’t drink or spend money or do anything other than watch MSNBC. I prefer Apple TV, good restaurants, and shopping (but only when I can’t live without it).

We have a nice lifestyle together. I truly enjoy his company and he hasn’t done laundry since 2010. Sometimes it feels like it’s worth it, and sometimes I think a roommate would be less of a burden.

If I leave, I have much less cushion and can’t door dash as often. Health insurance is gonna be a wretched dirty laundress. But I wouldn’t have to do meal planning or laundry for another adult who’s supposed to be my partner.

Sorry for the clickbait. I guess this is bigger than can’t tie a tie. Of course I’m the only one in this partnership who is awake concerned about their partner’s dress code tomorrow. I get to wear a sweater and khakis with practical shoes.