Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a mix of annoying and hurtful that my 20 something daughter can’t even take a minute to send me a text acknowledging Easter (let alone an actual phone call).

She knows I am alone.

When I think of the hours and days I spent making every holiday happy and memorable throughout her childhood, I am so disappointed.

(And before you ask, I mailed her a card last week,after she declined more traditional gestures.)

I’m sorry you’re hurt, OP. But, ugh, I read the bolded and just feel crushed by the weight of your martyrdom on behalf of your daughter. Note to all parents of young children: do these things if you enjoy them, not in expectation of some sort of payback.

Spoken like a true American. Your family clearly has been here many, many decades for you to be so disrespectful. There is nothing wrong with having an expectation that your child would offer you a text on a holiday. If
Ts not like she asked for dinner or a card. Give me a break.

Whatever, I called my mom to say Happy Easter this morning. But it’s petty for OP to sit around waiting for a text. If she wants to communicate with her daughter, she should text or call her herself.

I get it, OP.

I am in that stage now so I understand. What helps me is that I recognize that it is not about me ( if that makes sense.) They are not saying “ I don’t want to wish my mom a happy birthday, happy Easter” it’s more that they are living their life and whatever holiday/ event is just not that important to them/ on their radar as it is to us.

I am not perfect and can also feel like you at times. And, I have a few friends who are very lucky/ fortunate/ whatever that they have proximity and grown children who have interest in an almost daily relationship. I dont have that but I do have two ds who call me when they want to talk, have something important to share, want advice, etc. so I take that. I know I was a good mom, love them unconditionally, and they know that.

I Have a dear, dear friend who has two children who can’t launch and so I remind myself that if they are off living their lives ( and I am an afterthought, for now) I’ll take it.

They have never turned me down if I am in their town for lunch or dinner, nor for thanksgiving or Christmas so there is that. However, like you, I so miss those wonderful holidays and special moments we made for them.

My hunch is she will understand/ want a closer relationship as she matures. Sending you an Easter hug!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a mix of annoying and hurtful that my 20 something daughter can’t even take a minute to send me a text acknowledging Easter (let alone an actual phone call).

She knows I am alone.

When I think of the hours and days I spent making every holiday happy and memorable throughout her childhood, I am so disappointed.

(And before you ask, I mailed her a card last week,after she declined more traditional gestures.)

I’m sorry you’re hurt, OP. But, ugh, I read the bolded and just feel crushed by the weight of your martyrdom on behalf of your daughter. Note to all parents of young children: do these things if you enjoy them, not in expectation of some sort of payback.

Spoken like a true American. Your family clearly has been here many, many decades for you to be so disrespectful. There is nothing wrong with having an expectation that your child would offer you a text on a holiday. If
Ts not like she asked for dinner or a card. Give me a break.

You seem like a very entitled clown. What country are you from?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really think it's a bit petulant and immature when grown adult parents expect their children to look after their emotions. You should have the emotional maturity to not project so much meaning on an Easter text message... or to be the one to shoot the first text if it matters so much to you.

She can probably feel the weight of her mom pinning so much resentment and attention on her and it makes her unconsciously want to pull away, because she knows it's not healthy and is dysfunctional.

Why is it unreasonable to expect a relationship between two adults to be reciprocal?

Because it's not really a "relationship between two adults". They are not friends or peers- OP will always be the parent and her daughter always the child. As such, the impetus is always going to be on here to lead and set the dynamic. Additionally, if her daughter is not interested in a close relationship, for whatever reason, it's likely also a reflection the parenting job, which I suspect is why OP is so bothered by it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a mix of annoying and hurtful that my 20 something daughter can’t even take a minute to send me a text acknowledging Easter (let alone an actual phone call).

She knows I am alone.

When I think of the hours and days I spent making every holiday happy and memorable throughout her childhood, I am so disappointed.

(And before you ask, I mailed her a card last week,after she declined more traditional gestures.)

I’m sorry you’re hurt, OP. But, ugh, I read the bolded and just feel crushed by the weight of your martyrdom on behalf of your daughter. Note to all parents of young children: do these things if you enjoy them, not in expectation of some sort of payback.

Spoken like a true American. Your family clearly has been here many, many decades for you to be so disrespectful. There is nothing wrong with having an expectation that your child would offer you a text on a holiday. If
Ts not like she asked for dinner or a card. Give me a break.

I think very few young adults celebrate Easter unless they are religious, which fewer are.

Is she religious? Did she grow up in a very religious household? If no to both, I can see why she wouldn't think to say anything.

We are not religious at all so Easter to us is just any other Sunday with a basket of candy and a nice meal. I fondly remember egg hunts when my kid was little but I did that largely for ME because I enjoyed puttint it together.

You can tell her that you'd appreciate a call. But it's unreasonable to expect a card.

You should also focus on making the day special to you if that's important in a way that you can.. Church? A meal? A visit? A walk in the park and a treat? If you are just expecting her to thank you profusely for some chocolate bunnies from 20 years ago, you need to focus on altruism and inner peace though. I get it. But help yourself feel better by being honest and introspective!

Anonymous wrote:It is a mix of annoying and hurtful that my 20 something daughter can’t even take a minute to send me a text acknowledging Easter (let alone an actual phone call).

She knows I am alone.

When I think of the hours and days I spent making every holiday happy and memorable throughout her childhood, I am so disappointed.

(And before you ask, I mailed her a card last week,after she declined more traditional gestures.)

I’m sorry you’re hurt, OP. But, ugh, I read the bolded and just feel crushed by the weight of your martyrdom on behalf of your daughter. Note to all parents of young children: do these things if you enjoy them, not in expectation of some sort of payback.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really think it's a bit petulant and immature when grown adult parents expect their children to look after their emotions. You should have the emotional maturity to not project so much meaning on an Easter text message... or to be the one to shoot the first text if it matters so much to you.

She can probably feel the weight of her mom pinning so much resentment and attention on her and it makes her unconsciously want to pull away, because she knows it's not healthy and is dysfunctional.

Why is it unreasonable to expect a relationship between two adults to be reciprocal?

NP. It is never reasonable to expect another adult to reciprocate in exactly the way you want them to. If they do, great. If they don’t, also fine.

Anonymous wrote:I really think it's a bit petulant and immature when grown adult parents expect their children to look after their emotions. You should have the emotional maturity to not project so much meaning on an Easter text message... or to be the one to shoot the first text if it matters so much to you.

She can probably feel the weight of her mom pinning so much resentment and attention on her and it makes her unconsciously want to pull away, because she knows it's not healthy and is dysfunctional.

Someone has mommy issues.

OP, can you derive any happiness from those memories or is it all resentment now? You were the adult then, she was a child. Did you do those things out of live or to create obligation?

I understand the disappointment but she is not responsible for your feelings, you are. Begin to build a life with more social connections, through hobbies, a book club, a church, a travel club, garden group, etc. You do not seem to prefer solitude so use that to start making changes.

OP only has control over 1 of those adults. Her wishes for intensity and degree of contact might not be mutual. Intensity or neediness on one side often does trigger pull back in relationships.

Better for OP to meet others at a similar life stage, find hobbies and other means of meeting her social and emotional needs.

Anonymous wrote:I really think it's a bit petulant and immature when grown adult parents expect their children to look after their emotions. You should have the emotional maturity to not project so much meaning on an Easter text message... or to be the one to shoot the first text if it matters so much to you.

She can probably feel the weight of her mom pinning so much resentment and attention on her and it makes her unconsciously want to pull away, because she knows it's not healthy and is dysfunctional.

Why is it unreasonable to expect a relationship between two adults to be reciprocal?

I really think it's a bit petulant and immature when grown adult parents expect their children to look after their emotions. You should have the emotional maturity to not project so much meaning on an Easter text message... or to be the one to shoot the first text if it matters so much to you.

She can probably feel the weight of her mom pinning so much resentment and attention on her and it makes her unconsciously want to pull away, because she knows it's not healthy and is dysfunctional.

I’d try to find new sources of happiness in your life, OP. I’m sorry today is hard. She may become more demonstrative over time, or not. Perhaps a volunteer activity or new hobby?

It is a mix of annoying and hurtful that my 20 something daughter can’t even take a minute to send me a text acknowledging Easter (let alone an actual phone call).

She knows I am alone.

When I think of the hours and days I spent making every holiday happy and memorable throughout her childhood, I am so disappointed.

(And before you ask, I mailed her a card last week,after she declined more traditional gestures.)