Anonymous wrote:Let's be extremely honest, would the caregiving functions be falling significantly in your wife. Because that's actually what's involved with moving in. Caring for someone in that manner is both mentally and physically draining.

Yes, this needs to be pointed out to OP. Would YOU want to be the main caregiver for your in-law? Cook, feed, bathe, clothe someone, every single day? Deal with tantrums and whining and confusion? Watch someone decline day by day? Do the ER run every once in while, always in the dead of night?

It's exhausting.

Anonymous wrote:You people are horrible. Wow

If you never had an in-law move in with you, shut up.
And if you have, don't wish the same on other people!

But I suspect you're Smug Grandma. You have the big house in the country, invite all your kids and grandkids for celebrations, etc. And despite all of that, I highly doubt they'll want to live with you in your old age. But they still love you.

Let's be extremely honest, would the caregiving functions be falling significantly in your wife. Because that's actually what's involved with moving in. Caring for someone in that manner is both mentally and physically draining.

My parents found an assisted living facility 7 minutes from their home when my grandma (dad's mom) absolutely couldn't live alone anymore (she had mobility issues and advanced dementia). Between both of my parents, she had a visitor every day. She was so close that they could also do her laundry and bring her anything she asked for. It worked out well. I would recommend looking into assisted living or a condo in the town where you live.

What is a compromise?

Purchasing a larger house that has separate quarters for mom?
Paying an aide to check in on mom daily?
Finding assisted living close to you?

Are there other children involved or are you the only one?

Anonymous wrote:Do not move her in. Is money the problem?

When is money not an issue for elder care? Elder care is expensive.

You people are horrible. Wow

Do not move her in.
My mom's 88, lives alone. I worry about her too. But no way would I move her into our home.
Elderly care is a huge responsibility.

Ugh, my MIL just tried really hard to get her oldest son and his new wife to move in with her in her new house. New wife went "nope", and in a pretty blunt way, that MIL found rude, but that I personally cheered. I have another SIL who lives close by MIL, who has been so independent for so many years that asking her to move in was out of the question. And DH and me, by the grace of God, thousands of miles away from MIL.

Heck, OP, I wouldn't want to move my own parents into my home.

MIL has round the clock aides in her own home, partly paid for by my husband. We'll do that for my parents when the time comes. You can do this too, if you want.

You act like you are the sole decision maker here, deciding between making your mom or your wife happy. I'm assuming your wife also owns your home? If she doesn't want your mom to move in, you're out of luck. It's her home too.

Time for assisted living or a live in aide. Or, if visits are enough, visit your mother every morning before work and every evening on your way home, to check on her.

Do not move her in. Is money the problem?

That’s what assisted living is for. I love my mother in law, but no way do I want her living with me

Your wife comes first. Find a home or assistance for your mother. Do not move her in!

Research assisted living options for her.

As much as I love my mother, I love my wife more. But I also don’t think it’s a good idea for my mother to be living alone anymore.