It’s not an option here.

Is it just laziness or not thinking it's a big deal, like how my kids won't take coats to school on cold days?

Or is it something more? This would be a small minority of cases, but some kids don't shower to repel others, because of a trauma or anxiety. They intentionally want to be unattractive. Obviously that would warrant professional help.

My daughters looooove showering (we have endless hot water, so they take way too long). One of them showers every day, and one of them is more grungy and goes every 2 or 3 days. If she smelled, I would say something, but she doesn't. I don't personally believe you need to shower every day (and especially don't need to wash your hair every day) if you weren't perspiring a lot and don't smell bad. But that *if* is important.

You force them to, just like you force them to not spend time on screens, not eat junk food, study for tests, exercise every day, etc.

Anonymous wrote:Nonparent question. Why do they dislike showering? I grew up in Fla and loved it. Are the bathrooms cold?

Not OP- but I think bc many teens are just lazy and don’t feel like it

My guess is they don’t want to take the time. This is like anything else you want them to do. You make it a family rule. You set a time for the daily shower, you make sure there is space in the schedule for it, and you announce that it’s time. Then if they don’t go, you escort them, prompt them to get out clean clothes and their bathrobe, and walk them into the bathroom. You wait outside and check that the shower was taken. You have to physically walk them through it, on the consistent schedule, until they get the habit and can be trusted to follow through. Think carefully through the timing and prepare for what to do if something comes up, like a bad thunderstorm at shower time and what Plan B will be if they can’t take the shower on time. Do they take it the next morning? Put it all in writing so there is no arguing and you each have a copy. No discussion, just a family rule, because you’re the adult. They can express their opinions respectfully, but you make the rules.

If they refuse, you impose consequences that you have thought out ahead of time when you are calm. No shower? Can’t do anything else except eat meals, chores, or homework. Just sit, otherwise. Older kids? Take the phone or car keys.

If your kid is only 11 and not following directions already you need to get control. Don’t think this is something they should do on their own when just told to. They should, but they aren’t, so back it up like they were toddlers. They will not like it, and will eventually give in once they realize you are serious and will stand there until they comply every day. Good luck.

Nonparent question. Why do they dislike showering? I grew up in Fla and loved it. Are the bathrooms cold?

Anonymous wrote:Show them scientific evidence of how much pollen is in there hair from one day.

Why would they care?

This is totally normal, OP. My 12 yo also tries to rewear clothes worn to sports practice. Totally gross.

They basically know nothing at this age - just institute simple rules (shower every day, show ever every day you have sports, whatever works for you) and think stick to it. They’ll develop a habit.

My almost ten year old is resistant too. I’m trying to help her track her showers with stickers on a wall calendar for a more neutral record - instead of any debates over when the last shower was. Mixed results… 🙂

It's a struggle for my 17 yr old to get her to shower. She just doesn't want to too.

Mine did this as a younger teen. I implemented some rules. Showers must be taken every other day minimum and hair shampooed at least twice weekly. If she had a sports practice that day, that meant she had to shower. It’s just part of taking care of yourself.

Show them scientific evidence of how much pollen is in there hair from one day.

At that age I got my son dry shampoo. If it looked greasy in the morning we would use that. He has long hair and my rule is if he wants it he has to maintain it.

Every day. No arguing because it’s every day, so wasn’t a negotiation. DD is AA so if hair is natural she conditions it every morning so it looks nice. If it’s in twists of braids she wears a shower cap. Doesn’t wash it for 2 weeks.

My 11 year old daughter doesn’t take a shower often enough, and especially doesn’t wash her hair often enough, and reacts negatively when I ask her.

How often do your daughters of similar age take show and wash their hair? If they hated doing it, how did solve it?