Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are individuals. Treat them as such.

Yeah. They know. They are struggling with their kids. Have some compassion.

Yeah, but that kind of kid bullied my grade schooler and told her every day how she should self delete, and how to do it. Not much compassion here, sorry. These parents are turning a blind eye to what is right in front of them because dealing with a bully is hard work and you can't just be your kid's best friend if you want to fix the problem. You actually have to lay down the law, face reality, and parent. Other kids' lives could depend on it.

The parents aren’t sitting in class with their kid. This is on the school and teacher. If your kid is being bullied, they have the responsibility to notify an adult at school every time so it can be dealt with. That way the school can both deal with it in real time AND be in touch with parents every time it is happening so they can help at home. But it never happens this way

I would say something if it's drinking, fighting, skipping class, or cheating. Most parents would want to know and most will also do something about those things.

What I find trickier (and what I won't tell another parent about because I fear the response) are the kids who are just mean and engage in non-violent bullying. I think often the parents DO know about this behavior. Maybe they think it's normal? Maybe it's hard for them to recognize it as bad in their own kids? I'm not sure. I've met lovely, polite people whose kids I know to do things like tease other children for their weight or appearance, ostracize kids for being lower SES, or openly criticize or compare kids who struggle academically. It's classic bullying behavior, but it goes unchecked even among involved, seemingly kind and empathetic parents.

Maybe those people are different at home. Maybe at home they, too, are cracking jokes about the kids who aren't fast tracked in math or how some heavy kid needs to lay off the donuts.

I sometimes cannot believe the things I hear come out of these kids' mouths. My poor child winds up getting a lecture to remind her not to behave that way because it pisses me off so much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are individuals. Treat them as such.

Yeah. They know. They are struggling with their kids. Have some compassion.

Yeah, but that kind of kid bullied my grade schooler and told her every day how she should self delete, and how to do it. Not much compassion here, sorry. These parents are turning a blind eye to what is right in front of them because dealing with a bully is hard work and you can't just be your kid's best friend if you want to fix the problem. You actually have to lay down the law, face reality, and parent. Other kids' lives could depend on it.

They might not know. Kids don't come home and say "hey Mom I bullied Jack today! What a little twerp!"

Anonymous wrote:People are individuals. Treat them as such.

Yeah. They know. They are struggling with their kids. Have some compassion.

The parents really aren’t that nice behind closed doors. Kids who are truly a-holes learn that at home first.

People are individuals. Treat them as such.

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know.

You think that. But you will just become defensive if someone tells you.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t hang out with them. Say hello and keep walking.

Yes, just distance yourself. And, no, don’t tell. I did this once and was asked to provide a “proof” 🙄. I will never repeat this mistake.

I do believe that parents want to know, but they need to figure it out on their own.

One way or another, you need to distance yourself. No need to invite drama in your own life.

These are completely different things. Why can’t you be nice to nice people whose kids drink or cheat? Nothing to do with you.

On the other hand, if seemingly nice parents are chatting with me, I would definitely bring it up if they are being an ass to my kid.

I’ve seen some super-nice parents that were basically too nice and didn’t discipline their kids and ended up with little terrors. It definitely happens.

I would want to know.

Tell them.

Don’t hang out with them. Say hello and keep walking.

And the parents truly don’t seem to know.

It makes it really awkward when the parents come up to chit chat at a school concert or whatever and seem completely oblivious to the fact that their kid torments your kid or that their kid drinks a lot and cheats on tests.

We know more than one family like this where the parents could not be any nicer. It is so bizarre.