The hardest part is admitting it. Congrats, you got over that hurdle. Now just make some changes.

This is not a you problem. It's a problem of your kids having kids too late. It isn't feasible for you to care for a baby at your age...your kids need to hire a nanny.

Most daycares require vaccination so that's a straw man argument.

This is unfortunate. Your grandkids childcare isn’t your concern.. Especially since can’t health wise .
You and your husband should have another convo with your children on this.

Best of luck.

OP, do you live far from the children and the new baby?
Seems so else you wouldn't be trying to eat and sleep there.
What exactly is the expectation of you?
Rich couple can have in house nanny.
They just are in denial.

Yo'ure not the problem at all! Your kids need to recoginize this. I know my parents couldn't manage my kid alone for while now. He's 13 now and they can do more becuase he's more independent, but it's not fair to put pressure on you to take care of their kids when you're not able. They need to grow up.

Anonymous wrote:My 84 year old MIL mows her own lawn, shovels her own work and makes XMAS and Thanksgiving dinner for 30-40 people no problem.

Maybe problem is you are lazy.

Dang, what is up with the trolls on here today? People being mean just to be mean. Go away.

Anonymous wrote:My 84 year old MIL mows her own lawn, shovels her own work and makes XMAS and Thanksgiving dinner for 30-40 people no problem.

Maybe problem is you are lazy.

My 37 yr old DIL, takes care of 3 kids and a full time job. On top of that, she hosts XMAS and THANKSGIVING dinner for the extended family and takes care of her parents too. My DS is too busy with his career to wash dishes at home but he also provides for the family by earning big bucks. They also have a nanny.

I think PP, the OP's kids are too selfish. That is the problem.

Anonymous wrote:My 84 year old MIL mows her own lawn, shovels her own work and makes XMAS and Thanksgiving dinner for 30-40 people no problem.

Maybe problem is you are lazy.

Wait till you are 60, a$$hole.

It’s not selfish. It’s knowing your limits. Help in any way you can (occasional babysitting? Running an errand for them?) but you’re not obligated.

My parents have slowed down. For my older sister with her older kids they could baby sit and do lots of weekends and overnights. I’m the younger one and had kids way after she did. My parents could no longer do the regular school pick ups and frequent weekends. I wish my kids had that experience and I wish my parents could enjoy my kids the same way they did my sisters kids, but it just doesn’t work for them and I understand that. It’s not their fault and I don’t feel unloved. They show love in different ways - they send treats for holidays and zoom with them often. This is life.

Anonymous wrote:You are not a problem. Are you able to help pay for the cost of a nanny? If you can help in that way, great. If you can't, that's okay too. It isn't your responsibility to provide full time childcare. The only way I would feel badly is if you had recently committed to providing childcare and now you are changing your mind.

Why the hell should OP pay for her adult children to hire a nanny for their baby? The baby is not her responsibility.

What is the issue, exactlly?

You are in no way the problem. You have done your time and well no longer being physically being up to the task happens. Even if you were 100% physically up to the task, it is your time to truly retire and enjoy some extra freedom at a slower pace.

I just lost a parent and wish they had been able to enjoy retirement more.

Anonymous wrote:You are not a problem. Are you able to help pay for the cost of a nanny? If you can help in that way, great. If you can't, that's okay too. It isn't your responsibility to provide full time childcare. The only way I would feel badly is if you had recently committed to providing childcare and now you are changing your mind.

OP here: Our kids are in their 30s and 40s and are much wealthier than we are so money is not an issue. They both have significantly higher pressure jobs and both WFH. They want/need a daycare situation.

You are not a problem. Are you able to help pay for the cost of a nanny? If you can help in that way, great. If you can't, that's okay too. It isn't your responsibility to provide full time childcare. The only way I would feel badly is if you had recently committed to providing childcare and now you are changing your mind.

Grandchildren are the greatest joy in my life. I push through significant health issues to spend quality time with them, but I’m getting older and it’s getting harder and harder. I will say I’m very respectful of my adult children and their parenting style and the joy I get seeing them as parents is immeasurable. It is not easy to raise little humans these days and that’s an understatement
But I’m exhausted. I don’t eat well when I’m at their homes. Understandably, their food choices are in deference to very hectic schedules. I don’t get enough sleep and I have come to realize I’m not strong enough to be the grandma I once was and want to still be.
I do and have talked to my adult kids but they don’t get it. I don’t think it’s selfish but rather can’t acknowledge that grandma and grandpa are aging. They can’t (won’t) fathom the concept that we are probably not going to be alive as long as we all thought we would be.
I realize….we need to cut back and focus on ourselves. But…..
One of our adult children has a newborn and need to go back to work. With parents not vaccinating kids it’s very scary to put a 4 month old in daycare but the reality is the grandparents are too fragile to take on the job of daycare.
I’m just so sad.