Anonymous wrote:Ok. Thanks. I have this resentment that I should understand better. I used to enjoy hosting mom and taking her out and organizing celebrations of her birthday, and now I am just empty. She never offers to host (at home or out) or to help organize smth. Just waits for other to do that. With me, with my brother, and with her friends…

Does she help with house or kids when she visits? If she’s not a big burden guest, why not. Make gathering small for easy coordination.

Make a dinner reservation for local family only. Prepare a small toast. Have the kids make cards. Get her a small gift (if you normally do).

Done.

Then re-evaluate how you want to reach out to her going forward and feel free to step back on planning everyone's birthdays when they don't reciprocate.

Anonymous wrote:Ok. Thanks. I have this resentment that I should understand better. I used to enjoy hosting mom and taking her out and organizing celebrations of her birthday, and now I am just empty. She never offers to host (at home or out) or to help organize smth. Just waits for other to do that. With me, with my brother, and with her friends…

I'd definitely work through what boundaries you want going forward. AFTER you celebrate her milestone birthday that is in one week from now. You have 5 years before she turned 75 to try to rebalance the scales.

Does your brother have more bandwidth to organize something? I’d at least call him and see if he can help.

Do you have any Flex Time so you can take a floating holiday or something to give yourself a little breathing room?

I know it’s annoying when you’re always the one to host—70 is a big deal and statistically, she’s not likely to make 80 when you’re less busy, so I’d make this one count.

It is possible she no longer has the capacity to organize things anymore.

1. Restaurant reservation
2. Kids make decorations
3. Order cake online
4. Everyone in your family shares a favorite memory or story about your mom
5. No other guests

How about you scale way back? Take her to lunch. Minimal organizing.

No. Take a break.

Ok. Thanks. I have this resentment that I should understand better. I used to enjoy hosting mom and taking her out and organizing celebrations of her birthday, and now I am just empty. She never offers to host (at home or out) or to help organize smth. Just waits for other to do that. With me, with my brother, and with her friends…

It's not that hard to make a reservation at a restaurant she likes and arrange for them to bring out a cake. You could invite a couple of friends if she has any near you.

Do a restaurant and a cake. Bright side is you won’t have to cook or clean up! 70 is a milestone. But pick a time that works for you and a restaurant that fits with your kids.

My sister threw me a surprise 65th birthday party at a restaurant - 3 other couples and a few kids. It meant a lot to me. We had dinner with my daughter at college the next night.

Memories that last. Do something.

Yes!

Yes!, Just do it. It will make her happy. Make a restaurant reservation, invite friends do and family. Order a cake. Only one night in your life. Just do it and don’t say you are too busy; everyone is busy. You will not regret it. Be kind, be generous.

I just realized that my mom is turning 70 in just over a week. I knew her birthday was coming, I just did not realize it is her 70th!

I have never been to her birthday celebration that I did not organize myself.

My parents may have celebrated birthdays with friends, but I do not remember ever celebrating mom's bday growing up.

I moved away and called to congratulate her, sent gifts. She often came to visit around her bday time and I always organized a celebration. I either cooked or took her out, gave flowers, etc.

She is here again and her bday is coming up. It's a very busy time for me, I am barely surviving with 5days' RTO, 2 young kids, etc.

The thing is she likes get togethers and celebrations and restaurants, but never organizes any events or get togethers, and I am just over always being the one to organize and host. I was thinking of just getting her flowers this year and telling her that I am here to celebrate if she wants to set something up. But 70 is kind of a milestone, do I force myself to put a celebration together?