Anonymous wrote:I have 2 sons (9 and 11) and I'm starting to really worry that they'll grow up, get married and never want to see me, where I know daughters tend to stay much closer to their moms. Have you all found that your older sons want you in their lives still, and you have good relationships?

My mom treated me poorly so I became much closer to my mil. I tried to stay close but I’m not a priority and how she treats me isn’t ok. You seem to play favorites.

This whole thread makes me wonder if there is any point in having kids - esp if they are men

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH's mom is in his life still. She's a good MIL in general, and she respects his and my boundaries. That's key-- I know I can trust her to do that at all times.

Same. We live about an our away from MIL and see her sometimes twice a month but other times it goes on for a few months based on schedules/vacations. He makes a point to have lunch with her once a quarter.

omg that's the most depressing line i've ever read.
You make a person and raise them and then they 'make a point to have lunch with you once a quarter' in similar manner to a financial advisor.

He has a one on one with her so they can have individual time once a quarter In addition to us already seeing her twice a month as a family.

Still super depressing. I live across the Atlantic from my parents and I have more 1:1 time with each of them than this. Maybe bc I am a woman?

My brother stayed very close to my mom until her death. He visited at least once a week and spoke by phone regularly. My mom was very kind and adored his wife so I think that made a difference. I hope my boys will be similar but I fear they will end up like DH. His mom lives across the country and he speaks to her only a few times a year. Neither seem to be interested in making an effort. He complains it’s too expensive to visit her even though he could go alone if that were really true. It makes me sad. Obviously there is more to the history than he will share with me.

My older son who is 24 mostly stays with his girlfriend's family over the holidays. I see them 2-3 times a year. They are very busy though with jobs and obligations.

We're close and it no longer hurts my feelings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH's mom is in his life still. She's a good MIL in general, and she respects his and my boundaries. That's key-- I know I can trust her to do that at all times.

Same. We live about an our away from MIL and see her sometimes twice a month but other times it goes on for a few months based on schedules/vacations. He makes a point to have lunch with her once a quarter.

omg that's the most depressing line i've ever read.
You make a person and raise them and then they 'make a point to have lunch with you once a quarter' in similar manner to a financial advisor.

He has a one on one with her so they can have individual time once a quarter In addition to us already seeing her twice a month as a family.

We moved away so DH has not seen his mom in three years. He will visit this summer for a few days mostly out of a sense of obligation. He talks to her maybe every few months. His brother lives in the next town from her and from what we hear he never visits. I think it says a lot about what they think of her now that they are adults.

In my family origin it was just the opposite. The boys stayed close to my mom and I moved away. I kind of expect the same with my family. My sons are in their mid 20s and always around. Daughter getting ready to go away to college - boys stayed at home for school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH's mom is in his life still. She's a good MIL in general, and she respects his and my boundaries. That's key-- I know I can trust her to do that at all times.

Same. We live about an our away from MIL and see her sometimes twice a month but other times it goes on for a few months based on schedules/vacations. He makes a point to have lunch with her once a quarter.

omg that's the most depressing line i've ever read.
You make a person and raise them and then they 'make a point to have lunch with you once a quarter' in similar manner to a financial advisor.

Haha. DP but I’m a daughter who’s very close with my parents. I see them frequently with DH and kids, but I rarely have lunch with them 1 on 1 if that’s what they are referring to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH's mom is in his life still. She's a good MIL in general, and she respects his and my boundaries. That's key-- I know I can trust her to do that at all times.

Same. We live about an our away from MIL and see her sometimes twice a month but other times it goes on for a few months based on schedules/vacations. He makes a point to have lunch with her once a quarter.

omg that's the most depressing line i've ever read.
You make a person and raise them and then they 'make a point to have lunch with you once a quarter' in similar manner to a financial advisor.

Anonymous wrote:My DH's mom is in his life still. She's a good MIL in general, and she respects his and my boundaries. That's key-- I know I can trust her to do that at all times.

+1
Respecting his wife and her place in the family is key. That said, my mother is the MIL that everyone here complains about. My SIL married the golden child and no matter how awesome she is my mother will complain about her and all her parenting choices. Apparently, she's also controlling my bother (she's not, she's lively). My mother is crazy MIL.

Anonymous wrote:My DH's mom is in his life still. She's a good MIL in general, and she respects his and my boundaries. That's key-- I know I can trust her to do that at all times.

Same. We live about an our away from MIL and see her sometimes twice a month but other times it goes on for a few months based on schedules/vacations. He makes a point to have lunch with her once a quarter.

My DH's mom is in his life still. She's a good MIL in general, and she respects his and my boundaries. That's key-- I know I can trust her to do that at all times.

What is "often" to you? It all depends on how far away you live.

I have 2 sons (9 and 11) and I'm starting to really worry that they'll grow up, get married and never want to see me, where I know daughters tend to stay much closer to their moms. Have you all found that your older sons want you in their lives still, and you have good relationships?