I went to Collegiate and send DS there now.

Graduated in the 2000s -- I can vouch that even though there was tremendous wealth and privilege there, the small student body size and the school's focus on the value of education meant that we were all focused on just learning and growing. Yes we knew whose parents did what but that kind of background rarely tainted day-to-day interactions. In my class, there wasn't a social heirarchy based on wealth. Smarts were valued. I was on financial aid and didn't feel left out of the school community.

In deciding to send DS there I first spoke with alumni who send their kids there and returning alumni who teach at the school. I did visits myself to look at the way the students interact.

My assessment is that the same outcomes remain -- the school is very much rooted in providing an excellent boys education focused on teaching great critical thinking, thoughtfulness, and providing kids with a strong sense of self to tackle the world post-graduation.

While some parents may be on the higher end of the showiness spectrum, the student body doesn't seem to be. Do your own tour and just look at the backpacks and jackets that line the hallways and how the kids dress and interact with each other.

Anonymous wrote:Also in the K-8 world, consider for the Town School. Excellent academics, great culture of community. Their focus is on joy in learning.

Totally agree with Town. Disagree with some of the others suggested but don't feel like a fight.

Also in the K-8 world, consider for the Town School. Excellent academics, great culture of community. Their focus is on joy in learning.

Bank Street School for Children.

If you want to consider a K-8, School at Columbia is great. The faculty parents add a lot of enrichment and they are regular people by NYC standards (although accomplished in their fields).

This title definitely is not kosher....

I found Dalton, St. Ann's and Avenues more down to earth.

I don’t have a kid there, but my impression from interviews and from teachers I know at other NYC privates is that Calhoun also fits in this category.

Anonymous wrote:Trinity was competitive, cousins say spence can be brutal, but it’s also really close knit and down to earth. dalton is very, very down to earth. Ours is there now, and we absolutely love it. No showiness really at all. Lovely parents. Haven’t seen any social climbing. Just great kids and friendly parents, some of whom may be CEOs of large companies - you just won’t know.

This has been our experience at Dalton as well. I don’t have other reference points as i didn’t grow up or have extended family in NYC, but almost everyone who I’ve met through Dalton has been great. Very friendly and normal overall.

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, there is something of a trade-off between the most academically competitive schools and the qualities that you are mentioning, so keep that in mind. But the schools I think of are still quite good.

Also, I only have boys so I am not able to opine on the all-girls schools. But these are qualities that were very important to us so some of the schools below were high on our list.

Trevor, Grace Church, Friends Seminary, Packer. I think there are definitely exceptions at all of them, and there are many kids at the TT schools who meet your description, but these are overall culturally the closest. Feel like I am missing some.

New HOS at Grace has truly been a game-changer - he has built an incredible culture. Their motto of Pedagogy of Joy really describes it well. Yes, not everyone there is perfect, but it is a great culture with lots of good kids and families. And their academics and results are rapidly improving. It still draws its fair share of artsy kids who aren't gunning for Ivies, but for those who are, the results are getting better.

I was turned off by the administration at Trinity. They seemed to make zero effort to foster a culture of "down to earth" and warmth.

I know two families who are completely obnoxious (in different ways) who are at Dalton so that taints my opinion. But I won't generalize based on two examples.

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, there is something of a trade-off between the most academically competitive schools and the qualities that you are mentioning, so keep that in mind. But the schools I think of are still quite good.

Also, I only have boys so I am not able to opine on the all-girls schools. But these are qualities that were very important to us so some of the schools below were high on our list.

Trevor, Grace Church, Friends Seminary, Packer. I think there are definitely exceptions at all of them, and there are many kids at the TT schools who meet your description, but these are overall culturally the closest. Feel like I am missing some.

I'd add LREI and Berkely Carroll to this list.

Trinity was competitive, cousins say spence can be brutal, but it’s also really close knit and down to earth. dalton is very, very down to earth. Ours is there now, and we absolutely love it. No showiness really at all. Lovely parents. Haven’t seen any social climbing. Just great kids and friendly parents, some of whom may be CEOs of large companies - you just won’t know.

I was going to say Friends Seminary.

19:03 is right. Mother of a Friends Seminary alumna.

Unfortunately, there is something of a trade-off between the most academically competitive schools and the qualities that you are mentioning, so keep that in mind. But the schools I think of are still quite good.

Also, I only have boys so I am not able to opine on the all-girls schools. But these are qualities that were very important to us so some of the schools below were high on our list.

Trevor, Grace Church, Friends Seminary, Packer. I think there are definitely exceptions at all of them, and there are many kids at the TT schools who meet your description, but these are overall culturally the closest. Feel like I am missing some.

What privates have the nicest kids, least showiness, most inclusive for all students, etc? Obviously people who pay 60-70k a year aren’t going to be completely down to earth, but if you want your kid to grow up to be kind hearted, a hard worker, and not entitled, where would you look?