Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't listen to the people telling you to involve a lawyer. Anything that you'd get from ex will go toward legal bills. My county has free legal aid in the courthouse basement. Start there. They will probably tell you to open up a case with child support enforcement.

This is incredibly common. Remember, you divorced them for reasons like this.

It’s just so infuriating that moms (mostly) have to fight for this from deadbeat dads (mostly). It should be easy not hard. A single mom who’s working full time and doing all the parenting doesn’t have an extra 10+hours per week to try to hunt down and beg for money from the deadbeat dad. And onlookers say just take him to court. If it were that easy, 50% of single moms wouldn’t be in poverty.

Wages should automatically be garnished from the start and follow a man’s social security # from job to job and tax return (when he decides to work under the table to avoid paying for kids). It shouldn’t be a difficult process that moms have to go through every year or job switch

Many moms refuse to let the dads be involved so they need to stop with the nonsense and take ownership.

Anonymous wrote:Are you in VA or DC?

You might start recording all your phone calls just to have those records in case you need them in the future

My ex is a narcissist so it doesn’t really matter if he is a good person, he just needs to feel like he is. So as long as he occasionally does things that he feels good about it, he’s able to justify the rest. Is it similar for you?

My ex spouse recorded me for four months. I live in Virginia. Then used the fights in divorce court. He was calm as he was recording. I am still lightly traumatized and have dreams about it five years later.

If I had to do it again: Stipulate to everything you said ahead of time. So you don’t have to hear your voice (at its worst) in court. I am okay now! Dreams are less and less.

Anonymous wrote:
He may not be a deadbeat and there may be more to the story.

What's a plausible explanation for a parent who won't pay part of their child's medical bill?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't listen to the people telling you to involve a lawyer. Anything that you'd get from ex will go toward legal bills. My county has free legal aid in the courthouse basement. Start there. They will probably tell you to open up a case with child support enforcement.

This is incredibly common. Remember, you divorced them for reasons like this.

It’s just so infuriating that moms (mostly) have to fight for this from deadbeat dads (mostly). It should be easy not hard. A single mom who’s working full time and doing all the parenting doesn’t have an extra 10+hours per week to try to hunt down and beg for money from the deadbeat dad. And onlookers say just take him to court. If it were that easy, 50% of single moms wouldn’t be in poverty.

Wages should automatically be garnished from the start and follow a man’s social security # from job to job and tax return (when he decides to work under the table to avoid paying for kids). It shouldn’t be a difficult process that moms have to go through every year or job switch

He may not be a deadbeat and there may be more to the story.

Anonymous wrote:Ex spouse is a good actor and can fake it with people but does a evil things and has convinced himself he's a good person. Like he won't contribute to medical bills for a child who is sick. How do you deal with people like that? Child has no clue.

What does your court order or agreement say? For some, medical bills are included or if you refuse to use the insurance that covers it all, it may be your responsibility.

Could be worse. My ex's half brother told his friend how much money his brother had given me. I had run into them while they were trying to get people to sign up for xfinity on some street corner.
In reality, ex used my credit card for his 'business' and divorce court made him pay back his half. He also never provided health insurance for the child ordered by court, and stopped paying the $400 a month child support 11 years ago.
I don't have time to argue with anyone.
I'm not going to court for the medical nor the $400x12 months x13 years (age 21 in DC).
I invested myself into financial freedom. I would have never done this if I had been busy arguing with those idiots. Instead of asking how I did it on my meager salary, he used the two minutes to let his friend know that his half-brother used to be rich.
I left him and my net worth skyrocketed after paying off the debts. I saw opportunities and nobody was going to hold me back like before.
Don't let his behavior affect you too much. There are assets that will do 5-10x in the next 2-4 years. Find them.

Everyone "thinks" they are good, and that it's always someone else who is bad.

That's just how most people under 75 are now.

Are you in VA or DC?

You might start recording all your phone calls just to have those records in case you need them in the future

My ex is a narcissist so it doesn’t really matter if he is a good person, he just needs to feel like he is. So as long as he occasionally does things that he feels good about it, he’s able to justify the rest. Is it similar for you?

Anonymous wrote:Don't listen to the people telling you to involve a lawyer. Anything that you'd get from ex will go toward legal bills. My county has free legal aid in the courthouse basement. Start there. They will probably tell you to open up a case with child support enforcement.

This is incredibly common. Remember, you divorced them for reasons like this.

It’s just so infuriating that moms (mostly) have to fight for this from deadbeat dads (mostly). It should be easy not hard. A single mom who’s working full time and doing all the parenting doesn’t have an extra 10+hours per week to try to hunt down and beg for money from the deadbeat dad. And onlookers say just take him to court. If it were that easy, 50% of single moms wouldn’t be in poverty.

Wages should automatically be garnished from the start and follow a man’s social security # from job to job and tax return (when he decides to work under the table to avoid paying for kids). It shouldn’t be a difficult process that moms have to go through every year or job switch

Don't listen to the people telling you to involve a lawyer. Anything that you'd get from ex will go toward legal bills. My county has free legal aid in the courthouse basement. Start there. They will probably tell you to open up a case with child support enforcement.

This is incredibly common. Remember, you divorced them for reasons like this.

Anonymous wrote:Ex spouse is a good actor and can fake it with people but does a evil things and has convinced himself he's a good person. Like he won't contribute to medical bills for a child who is sick. How do you deal with people like that? Child has no clue.

All you can do is protect yourself in every way, including emotionally and psychologically, and block them out so you can enjoy at least some of your own parenting until your kids are all 18. That's what I did.

Same situation. Ex makes more money than me but spends it going out with girlfriend. The child had no idea because the ex occasionally buy a shirt or something the kid wants while I am the adult who pays for food, activities, medical, dental, tutoring, school supplies. and everything else. I also drive 95% of the time.

At what point do you tell the children if at all? Wait until adulthood?

In addition to lawyer, I would send emails to his family about his failure to pay for his kids.
He should be shamed like the deadbeat he is. His family will probably ignore but they’ll know and he will be embarrassed.
Deadbeats should be shamed to everyone. How dare a parent not care for their children

-Keep very clear records of your payments.
-Do all communication via email and organize them. Communicate in a clear and non-emotional manner: “Per our custody agreement, you are to pay half of the medical expenses for Larla. Attached is the medical bill for $500 as well as verification that I paid the entire bill. Please make your payment to me of $250 by the end of the week.”
-If he continues to withhold medical payments & reimbursements, contact your lawyer. I wouldn’t get the lawyer involved for every single payment. I’d wait until they accumulate some and then present all the communications and payments.

Ex spouse is a good actor and can fake it with people but does a evil things and has convinced himself he's a good person. Like he won't contribute to medical bills for a child who is sick. How do you deal with people like that? Child has no clue.