16 and internship is really young - it is unlikely they will be able to rent accommodations.

It’s your choice and you are free to say no. However, this is a great opportunity for your not-well-off teenage.nephew and not wanting to help because he is full of it is pretty weak.

You are not selfish. Your kids come first. FYI, I have worked in law firms my entire adult life and there are none that have ever hired a HS intern. He wouldn't be able to do much more than make copies, scans and deliver mail to employees. No 16 yr old would be trusted to do anything related to clients, they don't know how to research properly and it's not a good investment of time to teach them just for a summer.

Nobody in your family has ANY proof that this kid doing this internship would lead to a college scholarship. And he can get into law school based on his college GPA and LSAT scores - nobody will care about his summer job in HS by that time.

Anonymous wrote:If you can afford to pay the rent then just offer that. Its a rock and a hard spot otherwise because obviously you need to prioritize your kids. But, if your nephew is working at a law firm maybe he'll work pretty long hours? He might not be around much. He might also mellow a bit with some gentle redirection like "that's lovely you got an A. we're proud of Larlo's hard work too. We're proud of both of you." And then talk about other things, and SHOW this kid that he is more than his grades to you.

It's tough being poor. On some level your nephew probably knows that if he isn't super successful at school he won't have the opportunities other kids (like yours) will have. Maybe that is why he's always talking about it? Maybe he feels subconsciously like he always has to be super smart otherwise he won't be accepted?

Rethinking this after someone pointed out the kid is 16. No 16 year old should be renting a room by themselves. Just host your nephew but its your house your rules. You don't have to tolerate rudeness, but you can help a child (even a teen) learn.

It's ice cold to have your 16 year old nephew stay elsewhere.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stand firm OP.

You don’t have to say yes to this and have gone out of your way to find other options for them.

Thank you. I think it’s my husband questioning whether we are doing the right thing that has me thinking too hard about it.

As you said, I feel like we have offered a lot of help already, and we have offered to be available (as much as possible) over the summer in case an emergency comes up, or as a friendly face every once and a while. While he is a frustrating teenager to deal with, he is still a teen and we do want him to have all of the opportunities to succeed, we just can’t play host.

And your husband is right.

Bad grammar: too hard to read. Makes my brain hurt.

Don’t make your family miserable and cave in this. Invite him over for a weekly family dinner and see if he is maturing. May find his attitude is improved with age and less subtle guidance by people at his internship. Let your parents fund the spare room elsewhere.

Stand your ground. Protect your kid. Why did they let him apply for the internship if housing wasn't included> Not your problem.

Anonymous wrote:Stand firm OP.

You don’t have to say yes to this and have gone out of your way to find other options for them.

Thank you. I think it’s my husband questioning whether we are doing the right thing that has me thinking too hard about it.

As you said, I feel like we have offered a lot of help already, and we have offered to be available (as much as possible) over the summer in case an emergency comes up, or as a friendly face every once and a while. While he is a frustrating teenager to deal with, he is still a teen and we do want him to have all of the opportunities to succeed, we just can’t play host.

Not great for a 16 yo to be in a different city "renting" on their own, even with a friend. Your friend isn't family. I get you don't want to do this. Just know that it will always be remembered that you didn't. If you don't care about being that person, then hold firm.

If you can afford to pay the rent then just offer that. Its a rock and a hard spot otherwise because obviously you need to prioritize your kids. But, if your nephew is working at a law firm maybe he'll work pretty long hours? He might not be around much. He might also mellow a bit with some gentle redirection like "that's lovely you got an A. we're proud of Larlo's hard work too. We're proud of both of you." And then talk about other things, and SHOW this kid that he is more than his grades to you.

It's tough being poor. On some level your nephew probably knows that if he isn't super successful at school he won't have the opportunities other kids (like yours) will have. Maybe that is why he's always talking about it? Maybe he feels subconsciously like he always has to be super smart otherwise he won't be accepted?

Yes, you are being selfish!

It sounds like the kid is just a mildly annoying teenager and not some danger to your kid or family. And, even though he may be full of himself, he sounds very responsible.

You have the spare room and it’s during the summer. It’s sounds like a potentially life changing opportunity for him.

In my family, my mother let her sister and sisters DC live with us for a year so she could finish her degree. And, my aunt and her DC definitely had a ton of annoying behaviors (although nothing dangerous).

You sound like you hate your family.

Stand firm OP.

You don’t have to say yes to this and have gone out of your way to find other options for them.

OP here: I will add that if they are so worried about him losing out on this opportunity, my parents could easily cover the ‘rent’ that my friend would be asking for her open room. Hell, if everyone wasn’t trying to pressure us to take him in, we probably would have been willing to cover the rent. She is offering a very steep discount to what she typically offers as a favor to me, basically just the bare minimum she needs to cover the costs associated with him staying there.

My nephew (16) has an opportunity to ‘intern’ for a well regarded law firm in the city me and my family live in over the summer. He wants to go to law school, so this is a huge opportunity for him, and it also may lead to a scholarship. His family are not very well off, and apparently my mother (trying to be helpful, I’m sure) offered that my family might be willing to host home over the summer. From what my mom says, apparently his parents weren’t going to ask and were talking about him not going because they were having trouble affording to house him, and my mom piped up that she was sure I would be happy to house him for the summer.

Here is the thing, I really don’t want to. The thing is, he is brilliant, but he is also a bully. Over the holidays, My son (similar age range) will be talking about how happy he was to get a B in a particular class he was struggling in earlier in the year, and this nephew will jump in and talk about how easy that class was, and how he got an A+ and his teacher told him how he was the smartest student he ever had. I get he is smart - he always has been - but he is full of himself, and always seemed to lord his intelligence over everyone else. It’s frustrating, and honestly hurts my kids’ (who are smart enough kids, but not whiz kids - and that’s fine) feelings.

I’ve told my parents, and his parents, that we are not interested. I have, tactfully, explained why we don’t really want to play host, and explained that we have a lot of plans for the summer and it would just be too much, but we are getting a lot of pushback. Just yesterday I was talking to my mom, and she was adamant that we were blowing all of this out of proportion and being selfish not letting him stay in our spare bedroom because now he likely won’t be able to do the internship, and likely won’t get the scholarship or go to college either because I am blowing everything out of proportion. Mind you, I have offered suggestions as to where he could stay for a reasonable price, including getting his parents the contact info for a family friend who rents out a basement room to college kids during the school year and would be more then happy to let him stay there over the summer for a very fair price, so I feel like I have done a lot of work towards this, but everyone seems to think I’m being selfish for not letting him stay either us rent free.

Am I really being as selfish as my family thinks I am? My husband thinks we should just back down and let him stay for a few months, but I just don’t want our summer to be impacted.