Anonymous
03/07/2025 14:56
Subject: Help with Parenting adult children
What's ironic is that if god forbid something happens, you'll have to face the consequences with them because no parent can abandon them when they need help.
Anonymous
03/07/2025 14:53
Subject: Help with Parenting adult children
Anonymous wrote:I understand the cardinal rules of parenting adult children—shifting from a managerial role to a supportive one—but I’m really struggling with how to handle situations where my early 20s child is making risky, ill-informed decisions.
Some Examples: (1) Wanting to ski out of bounds in a potential avalanche zone alone, with no avalanche safety training or supplies other than a beacon and shovel. (2) Solo Hiking and camping with limited experience, no personal protection, and inadequate preparation for the weather. (3) Doing advanced skateboarding tricks (ramps, pools, jumps) but refusing to wear a helmet.
They seem sure that they know everything and get irritated when I bring up safety considerations. I get that they’re an adult, but it feels impossible to just stay silent and hope they don’t seriously hurt themselves. How do I navigate this in a way that respects their independence but also keeps them from making potentially life-threatening mistakes?
Find an ER physician or nurse who can talk to them with stories, facts and statistics so they can calculate risks involved with such behavior. Its not possible for a parent to knock any more sense into adult kids.
Anonymous
03/07/2025 14:36
Subject: Help with Parenting adult children
There is no talking to kids like this. They feel immortal and frequently need the rush more than they care about staying alive.
Anonymous
03/07/2025 14:35
Subject: Help with Parenting adult children
OP - I pay for skiing when we go as a family and we also fund all/most of the supplies/equipment purchases for activities. They pay for their other curriculars when they go on their own.
Anonymous
03/07/2025 14:33
Subject: Help with Parenting adult children
Have you considered a full mental health screen?
Anonymous
03/07/2025 14:26
Subject: Help with Parenting adult children
OP who is paying for his ski / hiking / skateboarding trips? Is he 100% financially independent?
Do you think you could convince your DS to attend a backcountry ski and avalanche training, so even if he won't stop going, he'll have some more skills to handle it? Something like this: https://www.alpineinstitute.com/catalog/backcountry-ski-course-with-avalanche-training/
Do you think you could convince your DS to attend a backcountry ski and avalanche training, so even if he won't stop going, he'll have some more skills to handle it? Something like this: https://www.alpineinstitute.com/catalog/backcountry-ski-course-with-avalanche-training/
Anonymous
03/07/2025 14:24
Subject: Help with Parenting adult children
Anonymous wrote:All you can do is remind them of the dangers and ask them to take mitigation measures. Maybe get an avalanche training course for Christmas? Or a beacon and avalung? I do lots of risky sports and take precautions. If he's male he might like the extra gear - I'm female and am the opposite of a gearhead and I notice lots of young men love to pontificate about all their gear - this can be a good thing. Make sure he has first aid training and possible survival training skills. I even took a course in offroad driving and kidnap survival for a trip to Algeria. I learned what to do if i was shot with a machine gun - yeah these courses exist. Use his energy to propel him to get informed and do things correctly.
And, make sure he has savings and considers adequate coverage should things go awry and cause temporary or permanent harm (e.g., insurance for health care, long term care, life etc.).
Anonymous
03/07/2025 14:16
Subject: Help with Parenting adult children
Anonymous wrote:All you can do is remind them of the dangers and ask them to take mitigation measures. Maybe get an avalanche training course for Christmas? Or a beacon and avalung? I do lots of risky sports and take precautions. If he's male he might like the extra gear - I'm female and am the opposite of a gearhead and I notice lots of young men love to pontificate about all their gear - this can be a good thing. Make sure he has first aid training and possible survival training skills. I even took a course in offroad driving and kidnap survival for a trip to Algeria. I learned what to do if i was shot with a machine gun - yeah these courses exist. Use his energy to propel him to get informed and do things correctly.
Thank you for this response. I really appreciate it. I want my adult child to do what you have done, but I am just "ridiculous" when I make those recommendation. I do buy him camping supplies even though they grump about it and tell me its unnecessary. He does have some FA training and basic survival skills, but he's using that as a blanket reason to do things way over those trainings.
That's where we are getting caught up, they know they don't have the training/capability/supplies and do it anyway. They bought a second hand beacon and shovel and thought that was enough to go backcountry in avalanche territory. No food, first aid kit or blanket, no partner... all the bare minimum things you need to go back country. There's been a ton of people killed in backcountry avalanches this year. Some of them very well trained. They just won't listen to common sense.
Anonymous
03/07/2025 14:04
Subject: Help with Parenting adult children
I was a lot like your kid. Don't approach it from a "no you can't do it" angle or "it's too dangerous". Instead, come up with a plan on HOW to do it safely. You're not going to be able to forbid them from doing something very well. But working with them on how to do it safely was pretty effective for me. Half the time I realized it wasn't worth it and the other half I figured out a better way to do it than my original plan.
Anonymous
03/07/2025 14:00
Subject: Help with Parenting adult children
OP - They did blow up at me during a recent family trip when I told them no backcountry. Now they are barely speaking to me and when they do, it's snarky and made the rest of trip pretty miserable for all.
This is what I am trying to navigate. I don't care if they are mad at me, because it was the correct thing to do, but how do I work with them to understand this? How can we talk about making more thoughtful decisions like an adult and stop acting like an impulsive teenager? Much to their dismay, they are not indestructible.
This is what I am trying to navigate. I don't care if they are mad at me, because it was the correct thing to do, but how do I work with them to understand this? How can we talk about making more thoughtful decisions like an adult and stop acting like an impulsive teenager? Much to their dismay, they are not indestructible.
Anonymous
03/07/2025 13:55
Subject: Help with Parenting adult children
I would say something about safety, probably a few times. Even buy them equipment like one of those Garmin watches for hiking. But ultimately, there isn't a whole lot you can do.
Anonymous
03/07/2025 13:53
Subject: Help with Parenting adult children
I mean definitely say something about safety but after that?
1) butt out, 2) butt out and 3) butt out.
1) butt out, 2) butt out and 3) butt out.
Anonymous
03/07/2025 13:51
Subject: Help with Parenting adult children
All you can do is remind them of the dangers and ask them to take mitigation measures. Maybe get an avalanche training course for Christmas? Or a beacon and avalung? I do lots of risky sports and take precautions. If he's male he might like the extra gear - I'm female and am the opposite of a gearhead and I notice lots of young men love to pontificate about all their gear - this can be a good thing. Make sure he has first aid training and possible survival training skills. I even took a course in offroad driving and kidnap survival for a trip to Algeria. I learned what to do if i was shot with a machine gun - yeah these courses exist. Use his energy to propel him to get informed and do things correctly.
Anonymous
03/07/2025 13:42
Subject: Help with Parenting adult children
I assume they have some skills?
Not sure what to say...all those cool videos of people skiing crazy terrain or doing crazy skateboarding tricks only exist because parents allowed them to do it.
Normally, the kids have been doing these things starting at a young age.
I would likely flip out if my recreational skier kid told me they were doing this...because I know they don't have the skills.
Not sure what to say...all those cool videos of people skiing crazy terrain or doing crazy skateboarding tricks only exist because parents allowed them to do it.
Normally, the kids have been doing these things starting at a young age.
I would likely flip out if my recreational skier kid told me they were doing this...because I know they don't have the skills.
Anonymous
03/07/2025 13:26
Subject: Help with Parenting adult children
I understand the cardinal rules of parenting adult children—shifting from a managerial role to a supportive one—but I’m really struggling with how to handle situations where my early 20s child is making risky, ill-informed decisions.
Some Examples: (1) Wanting to ski out of bounds in a potential avalanche zone alone, with no avalanche safety training or supplies other than a beacon and shovel. (2) Solo Hiking and camping with limited experience, no personal protection, and inadequate preparation for the weather. (3) Doing advanced skateboarding tricks (ramps, pools, jumps) but refusing to wear a helmet.
They seem sure that they know everything and get irritated when I bring up safety considerations. I get that they’re an adult, but it feels impossible to just stay silent and hope they don’t seriously hurt themselves. How do I navigate this in a way that respects their independence but also keeps them from making potentially life-threatening mistakes?
Some Examples: (1) Wanting to ski out of bounds in a potential avalanche zone alone, with no avalanche safety training or supplies other than a beacon and shovel. (2) Solo Hiking and camping with limited experience, no personal protection, and inadequate preparation for the weather. (3) Doing advanced skateboarding tricks (ramps, pools, jumps) but refusing to wear a helmet.
They seem sure that they know everything and get irritated when I bring up safety considerations. I get that they’re an adult, but it feels impossible to just stay silent and hope they don’t seriously hurt themselves. How do I navigate this in a way that respects their independence but also keeps them from making potentially life-threatening mistakes?