I didn't expect anything at all when I tried therapy last December. I didn't want to spend much, so I went with whom Kaiser had on their list... which turned out to be ONE person, because none of the others were taking new patients. Online appointments only! I heavily doubted I would be happy with the one therapist "no one else wanted".

But as it turns out, it's been helpful. The guy has trouble finding his words sometimes, and isn't the brightest bulb, but he's evidently been trained to do his job, because I've already learned a lot about myself. I don't need a super intelligent person (my husband provides that), or a super empathetic person (my friends provide that), I need a brain who has been trained in CBT to look at my situation and offer unbiased insights and advice to help me manage my moderate to severe anxiety. It helps that I'm pretty self-aware to begin with, so the therapist is a guide, he's not the one doing the work. I'm doing the work.

Best of luck, OP. You're doing the work, and that work can start just by yourself.

You sound needy.

Don’t rule out LCSW therapists. I’ve had two who were at least as good, if not better, than the very excellent PhD therapist I also saw. All three above the age of 45, so agree on that point. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:I think there are more lesser-trained therapists than there used to be in the past. It used to be a good number of PhDs or at least masters’ - now it’s almost all LPCs. Not that there aren’t any good LPCs - it’s just more variable. And they have much less training.

This.

I have been in therapy on and off since I was 13(!). I have had exactly one good therapist, who sadly retired or I would recommend him. (Shout out to Dr Tom Gray!). It is really hard to find a PhD psychologist that’s accepting new patients. A lot of counselors/therapists seem really new or frankly unqualified. I also think there’s a large minority of people who go into the profession because they have their own illnesses/want to play god/want to have control over someone else. Kind of sick.

It’s a minefield. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:Yikes OP...you sound like a handful.

I AM a handful! That's why I need therapy!

Thank you to the person who saw that I was joking about taking up drinking (though perhaps, in retrospect, that's not really the subject for a joke.) And thanks to the folks with the sage advice about insurance, age floors, perseverance, and LPCs vs PhDs. I'm realizing now that the two previous therapists I worked with were PhDs. I know people have good reasons for not getting PhDs, many of them financial, but it did seem to overlap with competent folks. And I'm glad I'm not the only one who has to keep trying. You all have made my day better; thank you.

OP, this is one area that I would make a blanket rule to screen people: No one under the age of, say, 45. You may eliminate a few good ones, but in general, this is a profession that one must have extensive experience in to excel.

Can you ask your friends who are therapists for recommendations? Or a trusted physician? Also are you using therapists that are in network with insurance? I have found they are less experienced and often getting started in the field. If you have out of network benefits or if you can afford out of pocket, you may be able to find someone who is more experienced and comes recommended.

Anonymous wrote:Your last sentence makes me wonder if you're over dramatic and part of the problem.

Funny, it made me appreciate her perseverance and the fact that she still has a sense of humor after hitting a few brick walls.

Yikes OP...you sound like a handful.

Anonymous wrote:Your last sentence makes me wonder if you're over dramatic and part of the problem.

The last sentence is very relatesble, imo. When dealing with stress and past trauma, it is easy to understand why many oeople drink in place of getting real help. I agree with op that it it hard to find a good fit/ good therapist. I'll throw in that you and I are worth the effort and trouble of the search, op. Don't give up looking for what you need. Drinking only causes more problems.

Anonymous wrote:Your last sentence makes me wonder if you're over dramatic and part of the problem.

I hope you have the day you deserve, negative nancy.

This is an industry people usually get into as a form of healing their own wounds. As such, it can be tough to find someone competent and caring who you feel comfortable with.

You'll need to shop. Three counselors really isn't that much. You can easily "fail out of" a dozen while looking for someone who's a good fit, and even someone you previously worked well with might not have the skillset/modalities you need for new issues.

A lot of those intake forms are pretty standard. I get that it's an overwhelming slog through places a lot of us would rather not revist over and over and over... If you've already done 3 of them, get a copy of your file and compile a "master intake form". Take this to your next therapist, and explain that needing to rehash your issues just to get in the door is overwhelming, so you've made a standardized form, and would be happy to provide any specifics that form may not include.

But you're gonna need to shop. In a way, while you're not going to have a personal relationship with your counselor/therapist, it's a lot like making a new friend. Not everyone you meet is a good match. Know that upfront; it's part of the process.

I think there are more lesser-trained therapists than there used to be in the past. It used to be a good number of PhDs or at least masters’ - now it’s almost all LPCs. Not that there aren’t any good LPCs - it’s just more variable. And they have much less training.

Your last sentence makes me wonder if you're over dramatic and part of the problem.

I cannot seem to find a good therapist in DC for anything. This fall, I worked with someone who was disorganized and who, when I asked after session 5 whether she could share some perspective about what I was struggling with, told me, "That's not authentic to my practice." ??!! I had to keep reminding her by email to reschedule appointments she said she needed to reschedule and I learned quite a lot about her life in the 9 sessions I was with her. (There were many great things about her, too, but ultimately, her not being willing to share her perspective with me was a bit of a deal-killer.)

Fast-forward: I have initial consults with a few additional therapists, one who characterizes 3 things in my life as "trauma," even though one of them was being in NYC during 9/11 along with 6 million others; one who was eager to finish my sentences; one who, though not very timely in her replies, at least seemed okay. I went to meet her today to test the waters and....she wasn't at the office because she had booked us for an online session. My whole thing was that I wanted to see someone in person! This was after I filled out a super hefty, super personal form from her practice that left me feeling drained and sad. It may sound childish, but I can't go down this same road again with a therapist who isn't even in the office on a day when she said she was going to be.

Two of my close friends are therapists. I can grasp that it's a hard job, especially when everyone wants to discuss their feelings of political powerlessness and you have those same feelings. I get that the insurance process is crummy and you're frequently your own admin and no one is paying you for your sick days. But how is there a totally unregulated industry dealing with our most intimate feelings and mental illness? They're not required to have supervision after a certain point in their careers. Aside from Yelp reviews, is there any quality control?

And is there a reason that every therapist I've talked to recently has pretty much sucked? It was easier to find someone in my 20s. Maybe I'll just take up drinking instead. Less time-consuming in the short-term.