Anonymous wrote:Hire out the care.

Spoken like a person who’s never had that experience. Hired people need to be supervised. If they’re from agencies, the agencies need to be supervised. And that’s after the research to locate individuals/agencies that seem to be at least minimally competent and have decent reputation. And the cost is enormous for even basic services.

In short, it’s not like getting your lawn cut. Outside help can be a real boon, but it’s not a get out of jail free card.

Study of 1 here. Financially, emotionally, physically exhausting. Despite this I was devoted and promised them they’d remain in their home. They were the sweetest, kindest, tolerant people I’ve ever known. So thankful my adult son got those saintly genes. My 2 siblings are the antithesis.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t know if studies, but I use many of the same child caring skills when caring for my parents, so I just assume it’s stimulating the same areas of my brain.

Not OP, but you must have lovely parents. It was a whole different ballpark for me. I read up a lot on studies. Depression, burnout, illness and even death become a much higher risk. It was nothing like caring for my children. Sure there may be challenging days, some feelings of burnout, sleep deprivation endued anxiety or depression, but they were milder and more transient. Best thing I ever did was outsource and tell siblings if they preferred more inheritance they are welcome to take over. My immune system came back to functioning. My spirit lifted and I took more joy in life and my feelings of hopelessness disappeared. Keep in mind I am raising teens-one with special needs and one who has rebellious phases and can have quite a tude and this is still much easier. I chose to have kids and will rise to any challenge. I didn't chose to have a mother who lashes out and becomes abusive when stressed/tired/in pain/feeling shame/feeling like she isn't getting enough attention/hungry/has indigestion or a negative thought or whatever. She was always like this, but it was like that on steroids with aging and she didn't want to stay on meds and she passed every dementia test and she didn't want to move to AL. Dad managed his emotions better around me and could be grateful so while it was stressful and he was demanding, I wasn't sick all the time and getting diagnosed with new medical issues and basically falling apart. The emotional drain and hangover is the part that is so toxic.

The interesting studies I have seen pointed out that contrary to popular belief, the first group that has done eldercare en masse was Boomer women. The Longitudinal Study of Generations out of California tracked boomers as kids, their parents, grandparents and now their children.

The boomer's parents and grandparents did very little eldercare and that is for living relatives. So they basically left them to fend for themselves, moved away, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.qscience.com/content/journals/10.5339/qmj.2015.3

Googling probably would’ve been easier than typing out your question OP

That only covers hospitalized patients. Many of us doing eldercare have our loved one at home with us 24/7/365 for years without a hospitalization.

And there's probably a vast range of care needed which is why hospitalized is a more definable slice. With just care at home in general it can be everything from just taking them to appointments vs. full on MC, bathing, toileting, PT, OT, etc.

It’s killing me.

Care fatigue is real.

Anonymous wrote:Causes major depression and no will to live?

For sure. I am so incredibly resentful of the years it is taking off my life. I vow I will never do that to anyone I love.

Hire out the care.

Are you struggling with caring for an elder?

What supports would be helpful to you?

Does the toll it’s taking on you have to be physiological to matter?

Anonymous wrote:https://www.qscience.com/content/journals/10.5339/qmj.2015.3

Googling probably would’ve been easier than typing out your question OP

That only covers hospitalized patients. Many of us doing eldercare have our loved one at home with us 24/7/365 for years without a hospitalization.

https://www.qscience.com/content/journals/10.5339/qmj.2015.3

Googling probably would’ve been easier than typing out your question OP

Causes major depression and no will to live?

Don’t know if studies, but I use many of the same child caring skills when caring for my parents, so I just assume it’s stimulating the same areas of my brain.

I know there are studies that show childrearing has long term positive effects for the primary caregiver’s brain —even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time. Has anyone done the same type of studies of the brains of the primary caregivers of elders?